


keep me warm and nothing else

by Halos_Boat



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Exes to Lovers, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, I guess it’s a slow burn, Idiots in Love, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Mutual Pining, No Smut, Pining, This is just fiction and I am not a doctor or a nurse!, but it’s not that long of a fic, the deadly combination, theyre both confused and in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:40:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 50,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27991656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halos_Boat/pseuds/Halos_Boat
Summary: Harry and Louis try to maintain a friendship despite having a romantic past together. When Harry starts to have troubles with his current relationship, a realisation dawns upon Louis;He’s never stopped loving Harry.On New Years Eve, Louis contemplates revealing how he feels to Harry, only to find out that Harry is now engaged.The AU where Harry and Louis never got over each other but it takes them some time to figure things out.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Original Male Character(s), Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 37
Kudos: 217





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This was never supposed be posted honestly. I just found it recently and I had like 30k of it finished so i figured why not finish it. I hope you like it. I really like the story. Very brief scenes were inspired by scenes from How I Met Your Mother.

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

The question takes Louis by surprise. It wasn't that they'd never discussed their future. They've just never went that deep. It was more like... 'what are we eating for dinner next week?' Not 'what do you want five years from now?'

They've been doing so well though. It's been a year now. They'd even decided to celebrate at the restaurant they'd first met. And now. Now, Harry just blindsides Louis with such a loaded question.

Okay, well, maybe not _completely_ blindsided. They knew this about each other before they'd even started dating, they just never touched on the subject. It was the elephant in the room throughout their relationship, no matter how well they ignored it. Louis is guessing Harry's had enough though. He really _should_ have expected it, if anything.

"I don't know. Where do _you_ see yourself five years from now?" Louis asks back, unsure about how to answer. He ignores the sweat dripping down his back.

Harry sighs. He places his fork down and gives Louis a half-shrug. "I want to be married five years from now. Maybe even have a kid by then."

_You know this._

Louis swallows, his heart beating wildly in his chest. See, Louis _has_ known from the time that they'd _started_ dating that Harry wants to get married and have kids, all that domestic bullshit. He knows that.

And likewise, Harry knows that all of that stuff isn't really for Louis. His career will always come first for him. Marriage and kids is something he barely thinks about.

With a pained sigh, Louis looks at Harry again. Harry has the same sad look on his face as Louis'.

Did they just set themselves up for failure? Was their relationship doomed before it'd even began?

"I want to be in Brazil," Louis finally answers, voice quiet.

"Brazil?" Harry asks, perplexed.

"Or Argentina or Thailand--- I don't know," Louis sighs.

Travelling is also a big part of what Louis has wanted. He wants to go places other than the UK, experience things other than the dull rainy weather here. He wants to enjoy the sun on his back and sand between his feet, not slaving after children and coming home to routine with a husband and having no time for each other anymore, blaming it on the kids and their jobs.

That's something he doesn't want. There's no doubt in his mind about it.

But Harry---

Harry nods sadly. "We have an expiry date, don't we?"

"I think we do," Louis says quietly. Maybe it's a bit premature to say that. They've been doing so well for a year. It's just... if they carry on dating— 'cause they could— where would it lead? They can't be in a relationship heading nowhere, can they? They work well together, yes, but they both want different things and maybe it was stupid to think they could have made work long term. They probably shouldn't have went out in the first place. But, Louis can't find himself regretting that.

He can't quite believe this though. He's honestly crazy about Harry. He's the best person Louis' ever known. He's funny and kind and weird and Louis really does love him.

But. They want _different things_ out of life. There's no point staying in a relationship that'll go nowhere for either of them.

Doesn't make it an easier though.

"Now what?" Harry asks him, eyes shimmering.

"Now," Louis reaches over the table, grabbing his hand and squeezing it, "now we enjoy our dinner and meet the lads at the pub later."

Harry swallows, nodding. They share their group of friends. Which means it's going to be awkward between all of them for a while. But they'll get through it. They have to. It's Harry and Louis.

After a sullen supper between them and a good two glasses of white wine, they walk out of the restaurant, keeping some distance between their bodies. It's awkward. Louis doesn't know how he's supposed to do this anymore.

"We won't stop being friends, will we? Because you've become one of my best friends, Louis," Harry says when they're on their way to the pub in the taxi.

"No, we won't. You have too, H. I really hope we can," Louis says earnestly.

"It's going to take some time before we can get back to that though," Harry says, biting on his bottom lip. Man Louis is going to miss the fact that he can pull his lip out from his teeth and kiss him silly instead. He's really, really gonna miss having Harry like this.

"I know," Louis nods. He decides to place his hand over Harry's, their intertwined fingers lay in the middle of the two on the leather seat.

"We'll just... give each other some space," Harry adds with a sigh.

"Yeah," Louis agrees, "it's gonna be a little weird with the lads at the pub; they bought us a cake and a bottle of champagne."

"Really?" Harry asks, cracking a small smile.

"Yeah," Louis snorts, "was supposed to be a surprise but I'm too nosy so I found out."

"Of course you did," Harry laughs fondly. Louis is going to miss that too. God, this is going to be so hard.

Once they reach the pub, before they can jump out of the car, Harry stops him, squeezing his fingers. Louis turns to Harry, raising an eyebrow in question. 

Harry cups his jaw and leans forward, giving him a long, sweet kiss. Louis effortlessly kisses him back, savouring the way he feels, the way he tastes--- just the way he is.

"Let's go," Harry finally says, pulling away.

"Yeah," Louis mumbles, pulling his forehead away from Harry's and pulls out some money for the driver while Harry gets out.

Louis places a hand on the small of Harry's back as they walk inside, out of habit. He may have to stop that now.

"We're not telling them anything yet?" Harry asks.

"Don't know. What do you think?"

"We'll tell them eventually. I do want some cake though," Harry smiles, even if it is small.

"Let's get some cake first then," Louis grins back, "and then we can tell them, I guess."

"Fine by me," Harry agrees.

So they walk to their booth and their friends greet them with a loud "happy anniversary!" Cheer that does more damage to Louis than anything else. One year. And now this is it.

Harry and Louis keep quiet though, hugging each of their friends with a fake smile pasted on their faces and congratulatory whispers in their ears. It breaks Louis' heart because he can see that Harry is close to crying and Louis can't say he's any better.

Zayn is the first to notice that something is off between Harry and Louis. He calls Louis aside to the bar while Niall cuts them slices of cake and Liam speaks to Harry. Louis is guessing that Harry might be telling Liam about them right now.

"Are you and Harry okay? Did you two have a fight?" Zayn asks him with a worried look on his face.

"No," Louis sighs. He turns so that his back is facing their booth, arms over the bar counter. "We broke up."

Zayn sputters out his drink, proceeding to choke, coughing into his arm.

"Jesus," Louis mutters, patting Zayn's back until he's calmed down.

"Z?" Liam asks from their booth, standing up.

"Fine--- I'm fine," Zayn says, holding out his palm then turning around, catching his breath.

Louis asks the bartender for some water, passing it to Zayn when it comes.

Louis rubs his back while he takes a sip of the water. Once he's done, he looks at Louis with his eyebrows turned down sadly and wide eyes.

"You broke up?" He repeats.

"Yeah," Louis sighs again, "we, um, we both want different things out of life," he shrugs, "so we decided it'd be best to end it."

"What?" Zayn asks in disbelief, "I can't believe it--- I've always thought that you two would last... I don't know, forever?" He laughs humourlessly.

"Z, he wants marriage and kids and a suburban house with a white picket fence and all that shit. You know that's not for me."

"Yeah, I know I just thought that maybe Harry would make you change your mind about all of that or--or you two would reach some sort of compromise, I don’t know--- something," he rambles.

"Well, it didn't happen like that," Louis huffs, "if we carry on dating, we're just wasting each other's time--- I mean, it's already been year, you know? What if we didn't have this conversation and a year or two from now, Harry, say decides to propose to me? And then I say no. It would be a fucking mess, lad."

Zayn winces. "Yeah, I guessthat makes sense," he murmurs then looks at where Liam is hugging Harry. "Seems like Liam might know."

Louis nods. "Yeah," he says, "and now Niall is asking what's happening."

"What's going to happen now?" Zayn asks.

And isn't that the million dollar question? Louis has no fucking idea. He has no idea where to go from here.

"I don't know but... we decided to still be friends," Louis informs him.

A pinch appears between Zayns eyebrows. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Louis shrugs. "We were friends before we started dating. He's, like, one of my best friends, Z."

"I know," Zayn says. He doesn't say anything else but Louis knows there's words threatening to spill out that he's holding back.

"Besides, it could ruin our whole group dynamic and we don't want that. We just--- we need some time, I think, before we go back to hanging out with each other so much and stuff."

"Yeah of course," Zayn pats his back, "it'll all be okay, Louis."

Louis purses his lips into a smile. He fucking hopes it will be. His eyes catch Harry's then--- like they always do--- and they give each other tight smiles.

Louis really fucking hopes that doesn't last long. He doesn't want to lose Harry in his life.


	2. One

  
**Five years later**

"I don't think this is working anymore, Chris," Louis says as gently as possible, "it's just--- we're too different, you know? We can't argue for everything and think that it's okay."

Chris rolls his eyes and abruptly gets up from his chair, the legs squeaking on the wood. "You're just making excuses, Louis," he says, eyes narrowed, "you're probably just fucking Harry behind my back, making me look like a fool."

Louis stares at him in disbelief. It's not the first time someone Louis has dated has accused him of either secretly being with Harry, cheating on them with Harry or still being in love with him. Once, a person he'd dated thought he was married to Harry. All of those were ridiculous and all them were overreacting. Harry is his best friend.

"We're not," Louis says, even though it's a waste of time.

"Oh, come on," he scoffs, "I see the way you two look at each other."

"Why would I have gone out with you if I was fucking Harry?" He asks with a tired sigh.

"Who knows? You're probably just a sick fuck," he spits then grabs his satchel and whips around, leaving the small café.

Louis sighs, rubbing his hands over his face. He's getting so tired of this bullshit, honestly. He should probably just stay single for a while. Maybe it'll do him some good.

It seems like the universe decided to make every guy Louis sees after Harry an absolute geezer. And it's not even like Harry can relate. After they broke up, about three and a half years later, Harry met a great guy named Aaron and before you knew it, they were dating and _he_ wasn't a fucking geezer.

He is actually a semi-decent guy--- somewhat--- from what Louis knows. And he didn't have a problem with how close Harry and Louis are. Sure, there a few times where he gave Louis the stink eye but it was in understandable situations. Like when they cuddled too close on the couch or like the one time Harry tickled Louis, straddling him. Needless to say, that conversation was awkward for both of them.

Understandable situations, though. Louis kept a bit of distance between them after that but Harry shrugged it off. He didn't want them to change. Their dynamic was good.

After they'd broken up, they took a break from seeing each other. Louis took a spontaneous trip to Brazil for about three weeks and he kept minimum contact with anybody else, aside from occasional texts from the boys and asking how Harry was doing.

According to them, Harry had just thrown himself into his work and he was a little quieter than usual. Louis assumes that there must have been other days--- days where he'd cried or broken down--- that his friends didn't want to tell him about or maybe they didn't even know.

Louis sure had those days, where he'd just cry into his pillow because he'd missed Harry, god dammit. They were _good_ together. It was hard not to miss him.

But Louis was glad he took the trip. He even ended it with a hook up--- which admittedly felt very, very wrong. So he avoided any relationships or anything related to one for a while.

When he came back, they still avoided each other for a while. He'd ask when Harry was there so he didn't have to be there and, as he found out later, Harry had done the same thing.

That was until the boys forced them together again so they could finally talk about everything and decide where to go from there.

And damn, Louis'd missed him. He hadn't even realised how much he had until he'd seen him again. It was like all they needed was to see each other again before they just blurted out whatever they'd been feeling.

They agreed on being friends so they stuck with it, deciding to just take it a little slow and ease back into things. And that was that.

They did have to ease into it. And it wasn't easy at all. There were moments where Louis had to catch himself from doing something before it got awkward.

Like when Harry first started dating Aaron, he had to remind himself that he can't be jealous about anything they do because they aren't together anymore.

That took time to get used to, honestly.

There were also other, smaller things, like if Harry had a bit of sauce on the corner of his mouth and Louis having the urge to wipe it away with his thumb. He couldn't do that anymore. Other little things like sitting too close to each other were also off-limits. If their thighs touched, he'd flinch away quickly.

It took a few months but they got there eventually and now, they're closer than ever. Harry is a fucking amazing best friend and Louis can only hope he's the same.

Those little touches and urges weren't suppressed anymore. Louis would wipe the suace away from the corner of his mouth whenever he wanted to and when their thighs pressed together, Louis would shift until their shoulders did too.

It is fine now, since it's been so many years since they've broken up. There's no... awkwardness behind it all anymore. That tension has mostly disappeared.

Sure, there's certain things that'll bring it up again but it's nothing, really. It doesn't mean anything anymore, is the point. They're best friends now. That's it.

And speaking of that-

"Lou?" Harry asks, sounding a little confused on the other end. "You're calling me at eleven in the morning--- why are you even awake?"

Louis chuckles. "Well, for your information, I just happened to break up with Chris today."

"Oh."

"Yeah. And he didn't take it too well, as expected so..."

"I'm sorry," Harry says, sounding nothing bit sincere, "do you want to come over or do you want me to come over to you?"

This is a thing that happens. If one of them is sad, needs a talk, goes through a breakup (on Louis' end), has a big fight (on Harry's end), then they meet up with their favourite bottle of wine and a box of their favourite cereal.

It started a while ago, when they had their third date at Louis' place. He'd attempted to cook them a meal with a dessert and both failed badly. The meal tasted like cardboard and mold (he still can't figure out why), and the dessert burnt to a crisp.

So, with the limited time he had available, he took out his array of cereals for them to eat for dinner. Luckily, Harry found it amusing and happily agreed, claiming the Frosties for himself.

Ever since then, it's sort of been a thing for them. Seriously though, who doesn't like cereal anyways?

"I'll come to you," Louis decides, "need anything from the store?"

"You going to buy cereal?"

"Yeah."

"Then, cereal," he giggles.

"All right. Which one?" Louis smiles.

"Fruit loops," Harry answers, "haven't had those in a while."

"Got it," Louis pushes himself off the chair and starts to head out of the café.

"What's your choice today?"

"Cornflakes, I think."

"Ew, why?"

"It's _good_ , that's why," Louis rolls his eyes, "did you eat breakfast already? Is this going to be a late breakfast for you?"

"I had breakfast. This will be an early lunch," Harry says, sounding distracted.

"What are you doing?" Louis balances the phone between his ear and shoulder as he starts the car.

"I'm shaving my legs," he says.

"Why?"

"I want to," Harry says, "and then I'm going to do my, um, pubic area too."

Louis almost chokes on his spit. "What?" He almost squeaks out. "You've never done that before."

"I've been doing it recently," Harry says, tone nonchalant.

"Any particular reason why?"

"Feels all smooth and stuff."

"Excellent reasoning," Louis says flatly, "all right, I'm heading to the store. Anything else you need?"

"Um, I don't want to bother you and stuff. If you can't ----"

"Harry, I asked, remember? Which means I am willing doing this," he says gently.

Harry sighs. "Fine but I'm paying you when you get here."

"All right," Louis laments because he knows there's no use arguing with Harry, if their eight and a half years of knowing each other has anything to go by.

"Okay, so, um besides cereal, I need some cotton pads, steel wool, coconut oil shampoo and a few avocados if you find them at a good price."

And god if that isn't the oddest shopping list Louis' ever heard. He hums in acknowledgement anyways. "Avos huh?"

"Shut up. You ate them when I made guacamole," Harry mutters grumpily.

"That's because they didn't actually taste like shit then," Louis rolls his eyes, grabbing a basket.

"They don't taste like shit on it's own," Harry fights back.

"Yeah they do. They're mushy and have no taste," Louis grimaces, "at least in guacamole form, it's tweaked to actually taste like something."

"Okay, fine. Whatever. I'm not having an argument with you about avocados while you're at Tescos and I'm in the middle of shaving my... area."

"God, TMI, Harold," Louis' grimace deepens.

Harry chuckles on the other end of the line. "Sorry. I'm gonna get back to doing this properly. I'll see you in a few, yeah?"

"Right. Goodbye then. Will see you soon," Louis mumbles, already scanning the avocados.

With that, Harry hung up and Louis went on to do the shopping for the necessary items.

He reaches Harry's fifteen minutes later, praying that Harry's done with all his shaving. Much to his delight, when Harry opens the door, he's in his joggers and looks about done.

"Hi," he grins, dimples popping, "come in."

Louis steps in, taking off his coat. He follows Harry into the kitchen wordlessly, only speaking once he's sitting down and the packets are placed onto the island counter.

"So you shaved, huh?"

Harry hums, looking through the packet. "Yeah, feels a little weird," he says, pulling out the avocados and placing them into his fruit basket.

"Like... good weird?"

"Yeah, I guess so. I'm just not used to it. Honestly, I'm just glad I didn't cut myself," he chuckles lowly.

"Yeah, how'd a clutz like you manage that anyways?"

Harry narrows his eyes at Louis before getting back to putting his things away. "I asked Gemma for help before I start," he murmurs, "until I get used to it by myself."

Louis grins. "It's good that she helped then."

Harry only rolls his eyes in response.

"Does Aaron like it? What you're doing, I mean."

He waits patiently for an answer, feeling like there's a lump in his throat for some odd reason.

"Yes... but that doesn't matter, I wouldn't just do it for him. I have my own thoughts and I do things by myself too. I wanted to."

"I know, I know," then Louis sighs in defeat, "I was just asking," he mutters.

"Why?"

"What?" Louis frowns.

"Why'd you feel the need to ask?" He scrutinises Louis with a look.

"I don't know... just... you know, like the stuff he's been asking for and you, for some reason, just saying yes for all of it."

Harry blinks at him, frowning. "Like what?"

"Nothing. Just... forget I said anything. I just broke up with someone, remember? I believe I'm owed some cuddles."

Louis honestly didn't know where he was going with that. He wasn't, like, trying to start a fight with him or anything like that. It was just something he'd picked up on and when Harry mentioned the whole shaving thing, he couldn't help but wonder if it had anything to do with Aaron--- if he'd liked it or not. He was just thinking out loud.

Aaron is... particular with certain things and one of those things happened to be Harry. And Harry was a people pleaser--- it was just in his nature, even if he denied it if you'd ask him.

It wasn't anything major, at least, Louis didn't think it was. But some of them affected Harry, even if he didn't want to show it. Like the time he'd --- not so subtly--- told Harry that his laugh was too loud and that he should use his 'inside laugh'. What even was that? He was treating Harry as if he were child.

Those things did get to Louis and while Louis is Harry's best friend, he is also Harry's ex, which meant that anything he would complain about, about any of Harry's new boyfriends, could come across as whiny or jealous. And that was definitely not what Louis was trying to do.

Which is why he just changed the subject so quickly now. He doesn't want to start an unnecessary fight about something that's none of his business in the first place, no matter how close they are. Like he'd said, Aaron seems like _somewhat_ of a decent guy.

It is the same thing when it comes to Harry having a say in whatever Louis does with his relationships. They can both offer each other vague pieces of advice, making sure not to cross a line.

"Right," Harry says, a frown still on his face, "so, um, what happened then?"

"I don't know. We were just not... clicking, you know?"

"Like the last one?" Harry asks, raising an eyebrow at him.

All right. That was a little snarky but Louis will let it slide this time.

"If you don't feel it, you don't feel it," Louis shrugs, "hey, let's break out the cereal and comedy movie, shall we?"

"Okay," Harry saunters to the fridge, grabbing the milk and two bowls.

"So anyways, he, like totally freaks out on me in the middle of the café," Louis continues, pouring some of his cereal into a bowl followed by the milk.

"Freaks out?" Harry asks, doing the same with his own cereal.

"Yeah. Accused me of sleeping with you behind his back," Louis sighs, rolling his eyes at the idea again.

"Oh god. Another one?" Harry wrinkles his nose.

"Yes," Louis snorts. They both head to lounge with a bowl of cereal in their hands and a bottle of wine in Harry's.

"That doesn't even make sense. If we were sleeping together why would you even go out with him in the first place?"

"Thank you! That's exactly what I said," Louis says, grateful that he isn't the only one who felt that.

"Well, I say it's good riddance then," Harry says, sitting down on his couch, getting comfortable next to Louis.

"Yeah, you're probably right," Louis mumbles then raises his cereal bowl towards Harry, "to shitty breakups."

"To shitty breakups," Harry echoes, knocking his bowl against Louis'. They both take a spoonful of the cereal into their mouths, chewing and swallowing before one of them speaks again.

"Louis, can I ask you something?" Harry asks, eyes on his lap.

"Yeah, what is it, H?"

"Why are you still dating?"

Louis frowns. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," he takes a breath, "you're not... looking for anything serious, right? So what do you want to accomplish by dating around?"

"Harry, not everyone is looking for something serious. There are other people out there who don't want the whole marriage and kids thing, like me," Louis says. He can't help but sound a little defensive.

"But, like, I don't get the point of all of that," Harry murmurs, shaking his head, "you're just aimlessly dating then?"

He isn't being judgemental, Louis can tell. He's just curious. But Louis can't help but feel a little judged anyways.

"Some people just like to have fun with each without having the worry about marriage and kids and mortgage above their heads constantly," he mumbles in reply.

They probably shouldn't be talking about all this, given the fact that this is what caused them to break up in the first place. And Harry--- he doesn't really bring this up unless---

"Did you and Aaron have a fight?" Louis asks.

Now that Louis is really looking at Harry, he can see his cheeks a little pink and nose a little red. Which means he's been crying and he's probably already had a glass or two of wine.

Harry shrugs, his eyes still not meeting Louis'. "I feel a little weird talking to you about this..."

"About what, H? You can tell me anything, you know?"

"I know, it's just... this subject is a little... sensitive. Although I guess it doesn't matter because I already kind of did bring it up now," Harry says, grimacing.

"Aimlessly dating like what I do?" Louis asks, pushing around the cereal in his bowl.

"I didn't... I didn't mean it like that, Lou. I'm sorry," he says, looking at Louis, "I know it's like that for some people but it's not for me-- you--- you know what I want out of a relationship. I go into a relationship looking for The One and," he sighs, "Aaron and I... we've been okay, I guess. I just don't know where we stand."

Louis swallows. It is a little weird talking about this. A lot weird, actually. Louis feels like he's going to be walking on eggshells throughout this whole conversation, no matter what he says.

"You guys have been going out for about a year now, right?"

Harry nods.

"So why don't you just tell him what you're feeling, H? Have the discussion with him."

Like we did, Louis thinks.

"Yeah," Harry sighs again, sounding tired, "it's just--- do you remember what we said we wanted five years ago?"

Yeah. Louis said he wanted to be travelling. Which he did. Only his trip to Brazil though. After that, Louis didn't really travel much, unless his conferences for work out of town counted. Which, honestly, they really didn't.

"I said I wanted to be married by now--- maybe even have a kid or expecting one because Lord knows adoption and surrogacy takes ages to finalise and stuff."

Louis remembers that. Of course he does. It's what ended them, essentially. You don't just forget that.

"And I just feel like I'm not even anywhere close to that, you know? I don't even know if Aaron wants that anytime soon."

"Did he say he ever wants that?" Louis asks carefully.

"Yeah. He said he does but he's 'not in a hurry to'," Harry says, sounding a little mocking.

"Harry... maybe just give it some time? He says he does want that. You've only been dating for just over a year. Some people wait at least three years before popping the question."

An ugly ball of emotion swirls in his stomach then, at the thought of Aaron proposing to Harry or vice versa, of them getting married and having kids. Maybe it's just an ex thing?

"I would ask him but I can't until he gives me a sign that he wants all of that too," Harry clears his throat, "I'm, uh, I'm sorry for bringing all of this up right now."

"It's fine," Louis says, even though the air is a little tense now, "for what it's worth..." Louis gulps, "maybe you should just wait a bit."

Louis doesn't know why he just said that. A few minutes earlier, he said the complete opposite. He said that he should talk about it to Aaron.

"Wait? The whole point of this is that I'm tired of waiting," Harry frowns. Before Louis can say anything in his defense, Harry shakes his head and places his bowl of half-eaten cereal on the coffee table, opting for the bottle of wine instead.

Louis notices then that it is in fact opened and a quarter way finished.

"Let's move onto some wine. You can pick a movie," Harry says, effectively changing the subject, "and we can cuddle," he smiles.

Louis lets out a breath. That sounds more like it. He nods, grabbing the remote and scrolling through the movies on Netflix.

They decide on The Hangover, passing the bottle of wine between them, eventually ending with Louis' head on Harry's shoulder and Harry's head on Louis', snoring loudly, movie eventually forgotten and playing in the background.

***

"Liam, why on Earth do you still need this beanbag chair?" Louis asks, scanning the horrible orange chair with a grimace. There's small holes on either side of it, leaking out the little white foam-like balls from inside of it, orange dust covering it that Louis is sure is Doritos dust.

"Because it holds all of our uni memories," Liam insists from the kitchen.

Zayn, next to Louis, rolls his eyes. "I told him that we don't need it but you know that once he makes up his mind about something, it's hard for him to change it."

"Zayn," Liam hisses, walking to them, "we had a lot of memories on that chair too--- a lot," he says, giving Zayn a meaningful look.

"Ew," Louis grimaces again, "we all used that chair, you know?"

"Sorry," Zayn says sheepishly, "you were off at someone else's room almost every other night anyways."

"Yeah," Liam chuckles, "remember when Louis literally slept at someone else's room for a whole week?"

"We didn't see you for that whole fucking week, mate," Zayn grins, laughing.

"God, yeah," Louis chuckles, "I was wild back then."

"You were still the same when we finished uni," Liam says, cutting one of the boxes opened.

"Yeah, you only really settled down when you met Harry," Zayn says thoughtfully, sitting on their new couch, throwing a basketball up and down.

"God, yeah, you pined after him for over a year before you finally had the guts to ask him out," Liam carries on.

Louis feels a little uncomfortable with this whole thing but it's probably because they have a point.

Louis had a huge crush on Harry practically since the moment they'd met in that restaurant, _Alessandros_. Harry worked as a waiter there and Louis was actually on a date. Needless to say, he wasn't able to focus on his date for the rest of the night and ended it with Harry's number in his pocket.

They didn't end up going out on a date until a year and a few months later though. Harry became part or their little friend group first before Louis asked him out.

Harry said 'yes' to him instantly, mumbling a 'finally' when they hugged.

Really, Louis was such a goner for Harry since the moment they'd met. He feels a little sorry for that date that night though. Rodger, Louis thinks that was his name.

"You know, we were really surprised when you two broke up," Liam continues, emptying out pillows from the box.

Louis swallows. He finds an opened box and decides to unpack that. He wants --- needs--- something to distract him right now. Before his mind wanders too far.

"Yeah, we always thought that if you had to settle down with someone, it would be Harry," Zayn says, both of them oblivious to how Louis is feeling right now. Not that Louis even understands or knows what he's feeling right now in the first place.

"Hey, speaking of settling down," Liam looks up, "what's happening between you and Chris?"

Louis wrinkles his nose. "Why would you associate me settling down with _Chris_?"

Liam shrugs. "Just, you know, if it's not Harry, then it could be someone else?"

"Or maybe I just never want to," Louis murmurs, annoyed.

"Yeah, you keep saying that but I know you better," Liam waves him off as if it's not true. Which agitates Louis even more.

He clenches his jaw. "I don't want to settle down--- it's not for me--- and even if I ever did, it won't be with Chris because we broke up last week."

They're silent for a while, Louis occupying himself by emptying out the books from the box. He's pretty sure neither of them have touched a book in years so he isn't sure why they're keeping all of this. They're encyclopaedias for gods sake. Do people even use them still? They both can be hoarders though, so Louis isn't really surprised.

"What happened, Louis? Why didn't you tell us?" Zayn finally asks, tone careful and soft.

"We just... we weren't, like, getting along that well, you know?" Louis explains, "I just told Harry and we hung out afterwards so that was that."

"You... hung out with Harry after you and your boyfriend broke up?" Liam asks slowly.

"He was hardly my boyfriend. We only went out for over a month," Louis frowns, "and yeah, I went to Harry, why? We normally do that."

"Nothing, it's just... weird, innit?" Liam shakes his head. "Why did you guys break up anyway?"

"I just told you; we weren't really getting along and then he accused me of cheating on him with Harry."

Zayn and Liam give each other a look but say nothing.

"What?" Louis asks, irritated.

"Nothing, it's just... we don't blame him, Louis. You two act like a couple more often than not. You're lucky Aaron doesn't mind it much. I know I wouldn't like it if Li was as close to an ex as you and Harry are."

"Well, you guys aren't Harry and I. You just don't understand us," Louis grunts, "now can we please just unpack these boxes and get rid of that bloody beanbag chair?"

They're quiet before Zayn agrees and Liam nods. Of course that's the time that Harry chooses to burst through the door with a huge grin on his face and a packet of crisps in his hand.

"I brought Doritos," he cheers into the tense room. He seems to notice the atmosphere, smile falling off of his face. "Uh, did I miss something?"

"No, just arguing about whether or not to keep that horrible beanbag chair," Louis answers quickly.

Harry walks closer to it, tilting his head to the side while his eyes examine it. "It's a little rough around the edges..."

"It holds memories for us," Liam says again, "from our uni days."

"A beanbag chair?" Harry asks.

"Yes, lots of memories."

"Hmm, well, maybe you can keep it then," Harry declares.

"No," Louis groans, "it's so stupid to keep it--- they have so many other things they're keeping from our uni days."

"Mine and Zayn's," Liam corrects, "you were out almost every night so you aren't as attached to this chair as we are, okay?"

"Oh, Liam. Just admit you're a hoarder and get rid of the chair," Louis rolls his eyes.

"You were out every night?" Harry asks curiously, bending down next to Louis, aiding him with the books. Seriously, they had way too many fucking books.

"Louis was somewhat of a casanova back in the day," Zayn wiggles his eyebrows at him.

"God, that word is so heterosexual," Louis feigns a gag, "I was just being a normal uni student and having some fun while you two were being all disgusting and in love in mine and Liam's room. You can't blame me for not wanting to be in that room, especially after the fifth time I walked in on you two fucking."

Harry barks out a laugh. "God you two were rabbits even back in the uni days."

"Shut up," Liam grumbles, blushing.

"You know, if Harry were with us back in the uni days, you two would be the same," Zayn comments, rolling his eyes.

Harry and Louis give each other a look, a shimmer of mirth in their eyes.

"I'm sorry, we probably wouldn't even be half as bad as you two were--- are, actually," Louis grins.

"Yeah, even I've walked in on you two fucking, like, more than five times and one of those times was a broom closet in my school."

"Sorry, Harry," Zayn apologises sheepishly, just like he did with Louis earlier.

"You should be glad that my kids weren't there at the time," Harry mumbles, wincing, "I don't know how I'd explain that to their parents."

"They're barely five--- I'm sure they'd forget about it in, like, a few hours," Zayn says, shrugging it off.

"Wow. God help your future children," Louis mutters dryly.

"Okay, hey, that's just gross. We do have _some_ self-control," Liam says defensively, voice higher.

"We'll believe it when we see it," Louis smirks.

"Speaking of kids," Harry starts, sitting down on his bum, legs crossed, "did you two get a date for your wedding yet?"

"We were thinking next year June. Twentieth, maybe?"

"That's a nice date," Harry grins, "I've always wanted a summer wedding."

"Well, you're going to need to send out invites soon," Louis says, ignoring Harry's comment that still feels like a fresh wound for some reason.

He hasn't asked Harry whether he's spoken to Aaron about everything yet or not. Frankly, he's too scared to find out. And he still hasn't really figured out why.

"We'll send them out in a few weeks," Zayn says decisively.

"Yes, we will. Now, Zayn, can you please actually help us unpack these last few boxes and stop playing with that bloody basketball."

Zayn rolls his eyes but obliges, heading to a sealed box and cutting the tape opened.

"Why do you even have a basketball anyways?" Harry asks curiously, not helping Louis anymore but leaning back on his hands instead.

Louis inappropriately remembers Harry in a similar position when he was riding him. He widens his eyes, willing himself to stop thinking about that shit and continue at the task on hand. Jesus. That was fucking unexpected.

"Uni day memories?" Liam shrugs.

Harry snorts. "Are you sure this flat is big enough for all of your 'uni day memories'?"

"We'll make it work," Liam says, flipping him off.

"Speaking of making it work," Louis chimes in, "can we order something to eat? My stomach hasn't been working properly for like a week now."

Zayn and Liam groan, calling him gross while Harry giggles next to him. Louis smiles proudly. As long as he makes Harry laughs, he doesn't really care.

***

Saturday morning finds Louis at work out of all places. He gets called in because his firm just took a big case and the company called for an urgent meeting regarding the client's wellbeing.

He wasn't really sure what that meant but he had to go anyways. He was only half-awake for most of the meeting, getting only bits and pieces of what everyone was talking about.

When he gets back to his place, he's surprised to find his sister already in his home, at the stove, stirring something in a pot.

"Hello, why are you here?" Louis asks her bluntly, closing the door behind himself.

Lottie sighs, not even phased. "Please don't tell me your forgot," she huffs.

Louis blinks. "Forgot... what, exactly?"

"God," Lottie rolls her eyes, shaking her head, "see, Harry, I told you he'd forget."

Harry? When did Harry get here?

"I'm sure he didn't mean to," Harry offers her a smile, suddenly appearing next to her.

"Forget what?" Louis asks, confused as ever.

"Honestly, Louis, mum even sent you reminder the day before yesterday," Fizzy says, trudging into the kitchen with a cup of tea in her hand.

Jesus. Did his whole fucking family just show up with Harry?

Louis frowns. "Why are you all here?"

"We're going shopping for my dress today, Louis!" Lottie lets out a frustrated noise, banging the spoon down onto the counter, crossing her arms over her chest.

"All right, Jesus," Louis says, eyes widening marginally, "I just had an early morning, okay? I promise you I didn't forget on purpose."

"Why were you at work anyway?" Harry asks.

"Got called in from the firm," be waves it off, "give me a few to change then we can leave, okay?"

He walks up to Lottie cautiously and places a kiss on her cheek as a form of a truce.

She doesn't reply but Louis counts it as a win. He truthfully doesn't remember his mum sending him any reminder of any sorts but he doesn't have a very good memory anyway.

Quickly, Louis changes into joggers and a hoodie, thankful to be out of his trousers and dress shirt and that horrid tie. He meets them in the hallway, all ready to go, coats and jackets being put on.

"I made you some mac 'n cheese," Lottie informs him on their way out, "well, Harry and I."

He arches a brow, confused. "Why?"

"Because you have, like, no food in your house, Lou," Harry explains, "come on, let's go."

Louis rolls his eyes. "You are so dramatic--- both of you. I just don't have time to make things, okay?"

"You have _some_ time. You're just lazy," Harry says, giving Louis a pointed look.

"I thought we need to go dress shopping," Louis grumbles.

"Let's go," Fizzy whines, "we've been waiting for Louis for far too long."

"Agreed. Let's go," Louis says, walking down to the car, "what's the car arrangements? You lot want to go back home afterwards, yeah?"

Fizzy nods and Lottie says, "You can go with Harry and Fizzy and I can go together."

"Fine by me. Come on, Harold," Louis opens the passenger door for him, "get in."

"Thanks," Harry laughs under his breath, getting inside.

"Lead the way, Lots," Louis tells her before jumping into the driver's seat.

Louis waits for Lottie to drive off before following behind her. Harry is uncharacteristically quiet on their way to _Klines_. He's leaning his head against the window, eyes staring out and arms crossed over his chest.

Louis takes a few glances at him, his frown deepening every time he does. "H, are you okay?"

Harry blinks, slowly turning to Louis and smiling, giving him a nod. That smile is not nearly convincing enough. He looks tired too, Louis notices. Purple bags under his eyes and eyes red-rimmed.

"Harry," he says flatly.

Harry sighs, he looks down at his beige trousers, picking at the material. "Aaron is being a little... secretive lately."

"Secretive?" He asks, trying to pry but hopefully it's gentle enough to give Harry the option of whether he wants to answer or not.

"Yeah, I don't know," Harry shrugs, "like so... distant and he's brushing things off like they mean nothing--- I don't get it."

"Did you try and talk to him about it?"

"Every time I do, he does exactly that. He tells me not to worry and that everything is fine, I'm just overreacting," Harry huffs in frustration, "I feel like we're a little stuck, you know?"

Louis doesn't really know how to reply to that because he's pretty sure Harry felt the same way when he was with Louis all those years ago, which is what made them have that difficult discussion and inevitably end things.

"I don't know, maybe I am overreacting. I just overthink things a bit too much and this is what happens, you know?" He laughs but it's forced.

Louis can only offer him a hopeless smile. "Yeah," he says, "I'm sure things will be okay soon."

"I hope so," Harry sighs.

Louis wonders why Harry's hoping that it will so badly. He doesn't ponder on it though.

"How are you doing, Lou? You doing okay?"

"I'm fine, H," he says honestly, "think I might just stay single for a while--- it's for the best."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he confirms, "it's just... I don't know... I want to be by myself for a while."

"Well, I think that's a good thing," Harry states, giving him a reassuring smile, "everybody needs some time to themselves for a bit."

"Exactly," Louis smiles, happy he has someone like Harry in his life that's so supportive.

They reach Klines a few minutes later, being greeted by a young lady who's dressed much too old, in Louis' humble opinion. But whatever floats their boat, he supposes. Julie--- as Louis learns--- settles them down on a white couch with a glass of champagne each while she takes Lottie into the dressing rooms behind a mirror.

Louis downs his champagne without shame, knowing that it's much needed, even if it is only midday. Fizzy stares at him, slightly amused but also worried.

"Are you okay?" She asks with a short laugh.

"Fine. That's shit champagne though, for a place so expensive," Louis twists his face in displeasure.

"He broke up with Chris," Harry explains, shifting closer to Louis.

"Who's Chris?" Fizzy asks, furrowing her brows.

Harry frowns at Louis. "You didn't tell your sister who you were dating?"

"It was barely a month that we went out. I didn't think I needed to," Louis shrugs.

"Does Lottie know?" Fizzy asks.

"Yes but not because I told her, because she snooped through my phone when she visited and found mine and Chris' instagram dms."

"You slid into his dms?" Fizzy asks, smirking.

"The other way around," Louis scoffs.

"God, I do not want to know what those conversations were like," Fizzy grimaces, taking a sip of her champagne.

"Not all were sexual," Louis says.

"Knowing you..." Harry sings, trailing off with a smug smile on his face.

"Excuse me. Knowing me, what?" He asks, gaping at him.

"Louis, you're a very sexual creature."

" _Creature_?" He makes an affronted noise. "I'll have you know that you initiated more than half of our sexual conversations."

It's Harrys turn to gape at him now. "That is so not true."

"Okay, ew, shut up," Fizzy interupts them, "and look," she says a little quieter, her eyes stuck on something--- someone.

Lottie walks out with a sleeveless, white, mermaid tail dress on and a thin silver belt hugging around her waist.

Louis feels like he loses his breath for a moment there. She looks absolutely stunning.

"Wow," Fizzy voices Louis' thoughts.

"Lottie, you look incredible and it's only the first dress," Harry laughs.

"Thank you," she blushes, looking down then looking up at Louis, "Louis?"

"Lots," he shakes his head, "you look amazing, love."

She smiles then steps up onto a podium, facing a mirror and then she starts tearing up, smoothing out the dress.

"Do I even need to try on any other ones?" She says, voice on the verge of crying.

"You may find another one that you like better," Julie says.

"Okay," she nods but Louis has a feeling that she's already made up her mind now.

It turns out that Louis is right. Even after six dresses later, she still picks the first one she tried one because 'when you know, you know', she said.

"I wish mum could have come today," Lottie says with a pout.

"She had to work, love," Louis says gently.

"I know," Lottie looks down, "she's going to love the dress though."

"She will," Harry says confidently, "try it on for her when you get home."

"I will. Thank you guys for coming. Even if Louis did forget," she narrows her eyes at him.

Louis rolls his. "Momentarily," he mumbles.

"Whatever," she shakes her head, "I'm just glad you guys like the dress as much as I do."

"Of course," Louis says then adds, "Lots?"

"Yeah?"

"Just make sure you take it easy on the tan by the time your wedding comes around, yeah?"

Lottie widens her eyes, looking a little ashamed but hey, it had to be said.

Lottie and Fizzy leave after a lunch at McDonald's and Harry quietly asks to come home with Louis.

Louis agrees without a second thought because of course he can, Harry hardly needs to ask Louis that.

His mood is a little off still, even though he tries to conceal it for Lottie and Fizzy's sake. Louis doesn't push anything though. This whole situation with Aaron seems to be upsetting him more than Louis realises or even Harry himself.

He's quiet again on the way back to Louis' place, munching on the chips from the McDonald's bag. It's only when he's settled onto the couch with a blanket over his lap and cuddled into Louis that he actually talks.

"I don't want us to break up," he says, wrapping his arms around Louis' waist. Okay, they're being extra cuddly today. Fine.

For a moment, those words pierce straight through his heart. Hes back to five years ago and Harry is saying that about them. But he isn't.

Harry isn't saying that about them. He's saying that about Aaron. Aaron Smith. Honestly what a basic fucking name.

God Louis isn't sure why he's so aggressive towards this guy all of a sudden. He's supposed to be somewhat decent. Maybe it's because he's hurting Harry.

"You really like him, huh?" Louis asks, relaxing into Harry.

Harry huffs out a breath onto Louis' chest. "I do. He wants the same things I do and we work _well_ together," he says with earnest.

"Harry... just talk to him about things. It's his birthday soon, isn't it? Maybe it'll be the perfect opportunity for you guys to talk about everything, see where things are going?"

"I'm scared," Harry says quietly.

"Of?"

Harry is quiet. Louis frowns.

"Of what, H?"

"Of the same thing happening with Aaron as it did with you," he says.

Louis inhales sharply. Suddenly, being so close to him feels claustrophobic.

"Sorry," Harry mumbles, "I just--- I don't want that again. I'm scared that I'll w---" he cuts himself off but Louis already knows what he was going to say.

He was going to say that he's scared that he's wasting his time again. Louis _knows_ that that's what he was going to say. He's known Harry long enough to know how he thinks.

Louis swallows. This time he pulls away. He wipes a hand over his face.

"Louis, I didn't mean it like that," Harry sighs, tone desperate, "I just--- I want something--- I need something stable now, you know? I just--- I need to know what _exactly_ he wants now."

Louis knows he didn't mean it like that but it didn't hurt any less. Maybe because it was the truth. He did waste his time dating Louis because Louis couldnt give him what he wants. Hell, it was what he said to Zayn the night they broke up.

Even though they knew that about each other before they'd started dating, they didn't communicate enough. They should have.

"Louis?" Harry asks, placing a hand on his shoulder gingerly.

Louis sniffs, clearing his throat. "Talk to him," Louis repeats, "make sure you're not wasting your time again."

"Louis," he says sadly, "Louis, I'm sorry--- I'm just--- I'm feeling weird and it makes me say weird things and now we went dress shopping for Lottie and---" he sighs, cutting off his rambling, "I'm sorry, Louis."

Louis shakes his head. "You're right, it's fine," he smiles weakly, "just, just talk to your boyfriend, Harry."

"Louis," Harry says again, firm but gentle.

"I, um, I have some stuff to do from today, so," he clears his throat, getting up, "I'm gonna go do that now--- you can show yourself out."

He sees Harry give him one last look of despair mixed with guilt before he turns around and heads to his bedroom, closing the door behind himself.

It doesn't seem fair to be affected by it because Harry was right. He just wasted a whole year of his life with Louis, thinking it would lead to something more when it probably never would have. Or at least, not _any_ time soon. But he knew that is the thing. Harry knew what Louis felt. Maybe part of him thought Louis would change his mind if they dated long enough. That's probably what prompted the five year question.

But it's just--- they were happy. They had good times together--- great times. A year with Harry hardly even felt like it. Time flew by with him; every moment didn't feel like enough.

So maybe, Harry considering everything they had a 'waste of his time', or whatever, is a little more than hurtful.

Even he, himself, said as much to Zayn.

Whatever. Maybe it shouldn't even bother him anymore because they haven't been together in five years and whatever Harry feels about his current romantic relationship is none of Louis' business. He can't stay sensitive to what they used to have because the fact is that it's gone and they've both grown and moved on.

Still, Louis is going to allow himself to get upset over it for now. Just for now. He deserves that much.

***

"Louis? Louis, are you even listening to me?"

Louis blinks up from his spot on the table and to Zayn sitting opposite him.

"You know, this is not what I pictured when you asked me to have lunch with you," Zayn huffs, stabbing his fork into his pasta.

"Sorry," Louis sighs, "you were saying something about Liam's snoring?"

Zayn squints at him. "Louis, mate, what's going on with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've been spacing out of our conversations, hardly talking, hardly making fun of Liam--- and we haven't seen Harry in, like, a week."

Louis sighs, pushing around his chip in the mustard sauce. "I'm sorry, I just--- I don't know why Harry hasn't hung out with us recently, honestly."

"He didn't tell you?" Zayn frowns at him.

"We haven't really spoken in about, uh, a week?"

"What? Why didn't you tell us this sooner? What happened?"

"We went out with Lottie to shop for her dress and---"

"She only went dress shopping now?" Zayn cuts him off, expression shocked. "Like, three and a half months before her wedding?"

"Yeah, so?" Louis asks, raising an eyebrow.

"So, nobody does that. People get their wedding dresses--- outfits--- at least six months before their wedding."

"Zayn," Louis deadpans, "not the point."

"Right," Zayn lets go, albeit reluctantly, "you guys went dress shopping with Lottie."

"Right. And she found a great dress, we all teared up and got emotional, I told her to start going easy on the tan, like you told me---"

"Thank you," Zayn says.

"Welcome," Louis smiles, "then Harry asked to come home and I knew before this that something was wrong; when I asked on the way to _Klines_ , he said that he felt like he didn't know where he and Aaron stood anymore but he seemed like really upset so we went back to mine and he, like, really cuddled up to me, you know? But then he goes and says that he's scared, so I asked him about what and he said that he's scared that he's wasting his time again."

"Wasting his time again?" Zayn blinks. "What, like, with Aaron?"

"Yeah. That he's wasting his time again with Aaron like he did with me," Louis says, the words feeling like acid on his tongue.

"He said that? _Harry_ said that?" Zayn asks in disbelief.

"He didn't finish his sentence but he was going there, trust me. And then he tried to apologise, saying that he was upset about the whole Aaron thing then about how Lottie picking her wedding dress made him feel emotional and all that--and I know I, myself, have said that before but---" Louis cuts himself off, sighing, "it just--- it hurt to think that he thought about that whole year we spent together as a waste of his time when it was probably one of the best times of my life. I'm sure he never meant it like that but it felt like he did." 

Zayn stares at him, eyes filled with sympathy. "I'm sorry, Louis. I don't--- I don't think he meant it that way either, for what it's worth."

"Yeah, that's what he said too," Louis mumbles, "I can't help it though--- it hurt, you know?"

Zayn searches his face, like he's looking for something.

"What?" Louis asks curiously.

"Nothing, just... you say certain things and I ask myself again why you two even broke up in the first place," Zayn says.

Louis is used to Zayn being honest and upfront about his feelings; it's one of Louis' favourite things about him. But when he says stuff like that... Louis just doesn't know how to react. He doesn't know what to say.

"We want different t---"

"Things out of life," he finishes, "I know."

"So, that's that," Louis shrugs, "no point in staying with someone else when we both want different things long-term."

"Yeah," Zayn bites his lip, "you think that's the reason why we haven't seen Harry in a while?"

"That we both want different things in life?" Louis asks playfully.

Zayn gives him a pointed look. "Louis, I'm serious."

"Maybe," Louis says eventually, "I wouldn't know, you'd have to ask him."

"Fine. I'll ask him," Zayn mutters, "but promise me you'll speak to him soon too. If things between him and Aaron are rocky right now, there's a possiblity they could have broken up."

Louis knows that that's a possibility.

"He told me he doesn't want them to break up," Louis says, finally placing a chip in his mouth and chewing on it.

"Harry," Zayn sighs, as if he's about to give a whole lecture about him, "he craves stability and security, you know? He's a lot like Li in that sense. And I think that when he found out the Aaron is into that too, he prepared himself for eventually getting to that. Only now, its been over a year and he hasn't gotten that still so maybe he's just confused about it all."

"Just like how he wasted a year with me and still didn't get any of it," Louis can't help but remark bitterly.

"Louis," Zayn chastises gently.

"He said it," Louis grumbles petulantly,

"You did too," Zayn reminds him.

"Well, I meant if we _carried on_ dating it would be a waste of time whereas he apparently thinks the whole time we did, was a waste of time," Louis explains with a frown,"anyways, I'm going to finish up at work and I'm going to head home because today is Friday and I have a new bottle of wine waiting in the fridge for me along with a new episode of _RuPaul's Drag Race._ "

"Great," Zayn rolls his eyes half-heartedly, "please let me know if you speak to Harry, yeah?"

"I will," Louis wipes his mouth with his napkin and pulls out his wallet, placing enough money for his meal and a tip on the table, "go shout at Liam about his snoring for me, won't you?"

"Already did but will probably do it again so long as it keeps me up at night," he mumbles grumpily.

"Bye, Zayn," Louis says within a laugh, getting up.

He bids Louis goodbye one more time before Louis walks out and heads back into the office. He finishes up at around half three and drives back home. The weather today is actually pleasant, much to his surprise.

Basically, for London, it doesn't look dull and dead even though it's supposed to be fucking Winter, smack dab in the middle of it no less.

Regardless, Louis is still looking forward to cuddling under a blanket, watching tv with his glass of wine and a microwavable lasagne that tastes just as good as restaurant's quality, minus the freezer burn.

When Louis opens the door, he instantly takes off his coat and shoes, rubbing his hands together to gain some warmth, only because he feels cold too easily.

He's running through what he's going to do from now on when he turns to his kitchen and there's Harry there, a bottle of wine in his hand, pouring it into one of Louis' wine glasses.

He freezes at the threshold of the kitchen, heart in his throat. "Harry?" He asks, confused.

Harry seems to notice him too, putting the bottle down quickly and dusting his hands over his thighs. "Hi," he says, walking around the island to Louis.

Louis catches sight of a big bowl of salad and a dish of pasta next to it with a few candles. Jesus. This looks like it's meant for a date night for a couple.

"You made food," Louis states dumbly, looking at Harry again--- who's much closer to him now.

"I did. Sorry I didn't tell you, I just wanted to surprise you, I guess. Think of it as an apology for what I said to you the other day," he looks down briefly before meeting Louis' eyes, "I really am sorry, Louis."

When Harry looks at Louis with those fucking doe eyes, it's hard for Louis to be mad at him. Louis huffs.

"Wasn't thrilled to hear it," Louis says honestly.

"Yeah, I know," Harry winces, "I'm--- I'm really sorry."

Louis regards him carefully. He looks back at the island with the food. "What did you make?"

Harry brightens a little. "Rosé pasta--- your favourite."

That touches Louis in a warm, wholehearted kind of way. He does love that pasta. It's something Harry claims he invented--- a mix between a creamy based sauce and a tomato based sauce, hence 'rosé'. It mostly came about because Louis is an indesicive person who couldn't decide what he wanted.

"Sit down?" Harry asks, gesturing to the stools at the island.

Louis needs to get a dining table soon. Or something to that sorts at the very least.

Louis nods, sitting down on one and Harry next to him. He makes sure that he keeps some distance between Louis and him.

It's very tense, needless to say. Louis feels like Harry wants to say a lot but he keeps doing this thing where he opens his mouth then closes it, letting out a huff instead.

"Harry, what is it?" Louis finally asks, putting down his fork.

"I just--- I don't want you to think that I didn't, you know, enjoy our time together or anything," he says, his own plate still full but eyes on Louis.

"It sounded, to me, like you kind of, I don't know... regretted what we had," Louis says, voice small.

"I don't," Harry says quickly, "I don't--- I was just in a weird place and I felt like I was just going nowhere and then Lottie's dress shopping on top of it all just reminded me that I still don't have what I wanted years ago. I mean your sister is the age I thought I would get married," he laughs humourlessly.

Lottie is twenty-five. Harry was that age when he was with Louis. Louis doesn't want to look too into that though.

"But I shouldn't have said that. I had a great time with you, Louis. We--- we were good together, yeah?"

Louis tilts his head, nodding slightly. "Some would say, yeah," he says, putting a forkful of the pasta into his mouth.

Harry lets out a small laugh. "I don't regret us. I'm just ready to settle down, more than ever, you know? And it's just frustrating me that I haven't gotten there yet."

"Harry, you can't rush stuff like that," Louis says, looking at him intently, "if it's meant to happen, it'll happen."

"I'm tired of waiting," Harry says quietly.

"Then maybe you should pop the question," Louis suggests.

"I can't, I told you, I don't know what he's feeling right now," Harry sighs.

"Did you not speak to him yet? About everything, I mean?"

"I tried again but..." Harry trails off.

Louis nods, saying nothing else.

"We're going out for his birthday on Wednesday--- for dinner," Harry says, "I have to talk to him about it then."

"Yeah," Louis agrees. "And you're going away with him to his parents' for the holidays still?"

"Yeah, that's the plan."

"Good, good."

"And you're going back home?"

"Yeah, spend time with the girls, Ernie and mum," Louis confirms, finishing off his pasta, "um, thanks for this--- I wasn't going to cook tonight."

"I figured," Harry smiles gently, "I'm sorry again---"

"I know," Louis cuts him off, "Zayn and Liam are worried about you; they haven't seen you the whole week."

"I know, I've been a bit a busy," Harry mumbles, "I'll see you guys on Sunday, yeah?"

"Okay," Louis pushes his plate away, "um, thanks again, I guess. It really is my favourite."

"I know," Harry smirks, "it's the least I could do, Lou. I could set you up with someone else from work if you'd like too?"

"Doing the single thing for a bit, remember?"

"Oh, right," Harry nods, "well whenever you are ready --- or if you want to--- you just let me know, okay?"

"Deal," Louis grins, even though he doesn't think he'll want to any time soon, "so you helped yourself to my wine then?"

Harry chuckles. "Sorry, I forgot to bring some and you had the perfect one."

"It's okay. I was planning to drink this bottle tonight anyway," Louis says, grabbing the neck of the bottle, "do you want to join me?"

Harry smiles, eyes bright. "Really?"

"Yeah. Got a new episode of RuPaul to watch."

"Okay," Harry perks up, "I have to leave by eight though; gonna Skype with Gem."

"Oh, tell her I said hello and give little Milo a hug from me."

"If I remember to, I will."

Louis snorts. "You're the one who has a good memory out of the two of us, remember?"

"Barely any better than yours, honestly," Harry waves him off, "you can have a shower and get ready if you'd like--- I'll wash up."

"You don't have to---"

"It's fine," Harry is already getting up, taking their plates to the sink, "go have a shower--- you stink."

He sticks his tongue out at Louis and smirks before rinsing the plates.

"All right, cheeky," Louis shakes his head fondly, "I'll be quick."

Ten minutes later, they're both on the couch, clicking play on the latest RuPaul episode and passing a bottle of wine between the two of them, just like they did a few weeks ago when Louis ended things with Chris. And just like that, they're okay again.

****

"Louis," Niall sings on the phone.

Louis snorts, shifting on the bed. "Niall, are you already drunk, mate?"

"No," he hiccups.

Louis rolls his eyes. "Right," he says dryly, "any reason why you called me? Stuck in a ditch again?"

"No. Tonight, my friend, we're going to get you laid," Niall cheers.

Louis pulls the phone away from his ear momentarily, wincing. "Niall, while I appreciate the offer," he starts, the phone back to his ear, "I'm not in the mood."

"Ugh, stop pining after Harry for like one second please?" Niall whines childishly.

"I'm not pining after him," Louis frowns.

"You are and so is he. You are both stupid," he sniffs.

"Niall, he's with someone else. He's been with someone else for over a year now--- longer than we've been together."

"Yeah which is why you're allowed to fuck your pining away for one night. Or be fucked, whatever floats your boat."

"That's... so messed up," Louis shakes his head, "it's eleven already and I have to be at the office tomorrow morning by eight so I'm going to sleep."

"No, wait," Niall pleads, "if you don't want to get laid can you at least join me for a drink? Keep me company for a bit?"

"Niall," Louis sighs, "mate, I have work tomorrow."

"Please?" Niall actually sounds desperate, making Louis feel bad. "You've been working so much and you're going to leave soon for the holidays!"

"So are you," Louis reminds him, amused.

"That's not the point," Niall whines again, "please just join me--- an hour at most."

"Jesus--- fine," Louis sighs, pushing the duvet off of him, the warmth disappearing much to his dismay. "An hour and that's it," he warns him.

"Yes," Niall cheers, "fine, an hour and two tequila shots."

"One tequila shot and a pint," Louis says, pulling on his trackies and socks.

"Deal," Niall agrees happily, "see you in a few then."

"You're at _Frank's_?" Louis asks.

"Yeah, of course," Niall scoffs, as if the question was stupid to ask.

Then he hangs up. Louis stares at his phone in disbelief, wondering how the hell this Irish fucker convinced him to drink at eleven in the night on a weekday, within just a few minutes.

"Fucking hell," Louis mumbles on his way to the car. It's fucking cold out too. Honestly, Louis is mad. Why the hell is he doing this again?

Before he has time to rethink his life choices, he starts his car and turns on the heater, beginning his drive to the pub.

It's not a far drive so he gets there pretty quickly and finds parking easily, considering the fact that it's a weekday.

Niall is easily noticeable, at the bar, standing up and yelling about taking a shot to some random group of people, proceeding to down it and stick out his tongue in a manic way, making an unnecessary noise as he does so.

Louis shakes his head, approaching his friend. "Neil," he taps on his shoulder.

Niall turns to his friend, cheering and pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. He reaks of tequila and whiskey, to the point where it makes Louis' eyes water.

"Mate, you're already hammered," Louis pats his back as a half-hearted hug back and grimaces, examining him. He's really in a state, eyes squinted and cheeks pink already.

"Yeah, yeah," he waves his hand in the air, attempting to come off as nonchalant, "come on, a drink now, like you promised," he swings an arm around Louis' shoulders and pulls him to the bar.

He yells out their order to the bartender, then turns to Louis again. "I'm so glad you came," he slurs out, placing a sloppy kiss on Louis' cheek.

"Niall," he stares at his friend, worried, "what's happening, mate?"

"What do you mean?" Niall frowns, "I'm all good," he says, voice an octave higher. Louis knows when he's lying. After nine years of friendship with the dude, it's pretty easy to.

"Niall," he gives him a pointed look.

Niall swallows then looks away. "Shawn ended things with me," he says, quiet but loud enough for Louis to hear.

"Oh, fuck," Louis sigh sadly, his body deflating, "I'm so sorry, lad. What happened?"

"He didn't wanna do it anymore," Niall scoffs bitterly, "what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Do what? Like, be with you?"

"Yeah," Niall says, tone somber, "that he wants to explore his options because he's still young."

Louis winces. "He's twenty-five, isn't he?"

"Yeah," Niall nods, "I mean honestly, the one time I find it the easiest to commit to someone it comes back to bite me in the ass."

"Ni, it's not like you found it hard before though," Louis says gently, "I think with Shawn, you just felt it sooner with him."

"Yeah, well, it doesn't make a difference because he's a fucking commitment-phobe," Niall mutters.

Louis winces again. Niall seems to notice and immediately apologises.

"You know I didn't mean it like _that_ ," Niall huffs, "I'm sorry."

Man, it seems like people have been saying a lot of things they don't mean about him recently. He's getting kind of tired of it already. Once was enough.

"Yeah, well, guess it's the truth," he mumbles. Again, its just them pointing out something that did happen or is true but Louis is still hurt by it.

"No, you at least lasted a year with Harry," Niall murmurs, "we barely lasted three months."

What's with everyone bringing up Harry all of a sudden? And their relationship for some reason.

"It's okay, Niall. Good riddance, I'd say," Louis pats his back just as their pints get to them. He raises his glass as a toast. "To stupid breakups," he says.

"To stupid breakups," Niall repeats, then chugs down some of his beer, "thanks for coming today, mate," he says with a genuine smile.

"Yeah, no problem. Though next time, just let me know when you have a problem, okay? We don't need to hang out at a pub or even drink to talk about shit."

"Noted," Niall gives him a tight smile, "let's get those tequila shots then."

Louis only reaches home at half one in the morning, stumbling a little. In hindsight, he probably shouldn't have driven back but he wasn't going to leave his car there.

And, when he went to meet Niall, he didn't anticipate drinking that much. But as the night went on, Niall kept pushing him to drink more to 'heal his broken heart'. Louis can't say no to that. Niall has always been there for him, it's the least he could do.

But of course, when he gets home, the first thing he feels is lust. He's horny as fuck. He should have known, tequila shots tend to do that to him.

Unfortunately, Louis has decided to stay single for a while which means he's stuck with his right hand and a bottle of lube.

With a sigh, Louis downs a glass of water and settles into bed, stripping down to just his underwear. His cock is hard and leaking already. Plus his stamina drops a bit when he's drunk, which means this won't take too long. 

He doesn't even need his lube because he's wet enough so he just starts fucking up into his fist, moaning softly. He thrusts lazily, mind a little dazed but focused on the pleasure.

He comes over his stomach, picturing familiar pretty pink lips, a tight ass and clear green eyes. He's too far gone to panic about that. Before he knows it, Louis is fast asleep in all his mess and a blanket draped over his feet.

***

It's a week before Louis' birthday when he gets a surprise waiting for him at his doorstep.

He was planning on taking a nice, long nap after working the whole day but apparently someone's decided to ruin that for him.

That someone is Harry, who's standing there looking like a lost puppy, tear tracks down his face, nose red and cheeks pink.

"Hi," he greets Louis first, holding a bag close to his chest, clutching it with white knuckles.

"Hey," Louis says softly, a worry building in his chest.

"Can I stay here for a while?" He asks, lips wobbling. "Please?"

"Of course," Louis says without even an ounce of hesitance, "c'mere," Louis opens up his arms.

Harry drops his bag onto the floor, wrapping his arms around Louis and dropping his head onto Louis' shoulder, letting out a sob.

Louis is startled a little at how loud it is but he hugs Harry back tightly, rubbing his hand over his lower back, remembering how much it soothes him whenever Louis did that.

"Hey, come on, get inside," Louis says after a while, "we'll get you something to drink and warm you up; you're freezing."

Harry pulls away, wiping the underneath of his nose with his sleeve, eyes red. Louis grimaces. "And we'll put that jumper in the washing while we're at it."

Harry smiles, small and short. "Sorry."

"It's fine, come on," Louis steps aside to let him in, "I got it," he tells Harry, picking up his bag before Harry can.

"Thank you," Harry mumbles, walking inside.

"Take off that jumper and leave it on my bed. You can wear something of mine, love," Louis instructs, leaving the bag at the end table inside, next to the door and shutting the door closed.

"Okay," Harry mutters, walking wordlessly to Louis' room.

Louis watches his hunched figure with an ache in his heart. He has a feeling that he knows what happened, that Harry and Aaron broke up.

But the way Harry cried--- Louis wondered if there was anything more to it. Harry's senstive, sure, but Aaron must have really fucked it up. Or maybe Harry did, Louis can't tell yet.

For now, Louis goes into the kitchen, switches the kettle on and grabs two mugs out of the cupboard along with some tea bags. Tea first. Tea fixes everything.


	3. Two

  
"What happened?" Louis has to ask. Harry's been sitting underneath the blanket, staring into space, tea forgotten, for like the past ten minutes now.

Harry sighs. He tugs his knees up to his chest, hugging them, hiding his face with his eyes shut.

"Did you and Aaron break up?" Louis asks carefully, turning his body to face Harry.

Harry turns his head to the side, opening his eyes. "I don't know," he answers, voice croaky.

"You don't know?" Louis repeats, brows creasing.

"We had a big fight," he elaborates, "there was a lot of yelling," he pinches the bridge of his nose, "and then he left and said not to follow him and that was it."

"O...kay," Louis says slowly, "what, um, what was your fight about? What did you say?"

"I asked him about where we were going, like, relationship wise, on his birthday and he said we'll talk about it later this week and so I brought it up when he came home from work yesterday and then... then he just got really angry," Harry frowns.

"I was frustrated, so I asked him if he even wanted a future with me anymore because it didnt seem like it and he got mad at me for saying that, saying that I was overreacting and he makes a lot of sacrifices for me and then I also got mad because I just wanted to know what we're doing with our relationship, you know?"

Louis stays quiet, giving him a moment because he knows Harry wants to say more.

"He didn't even answer the question. He just got all weird and clammed up and yelled at me for being too needy and left," Harry swallows, eyes shimmering again.

Louis clenches his jaw. That's... uncalled for. All he wants to know is where they stand in their relationship, he didn't have to call Harry needy for that.

"Jesus," Louis says under his breath, "I'm so sorry, H."

"We didn't say it out loud but..." Harry trails off, shaking his head, "I'm going to take him leaving as a sign that maybe he doesn't want to be with me anymore."

"So he hasn't come back since last night?" Louis asks.

"No," Harry sniffs, "I wanted to wait today, to see if he comes back but he hasn't. He probably will have to though, 'cause most of his stuff is at the flat."

"You came here though..." Louis states, frowning.

"I need some space to think things through," Harry says, pulling the strings on Louis' hoodie, "I left him a voicemail and a note at home."

"What do you want to do from here?"

"I don't know," Harry shrugs, "like I said, I just want to think things through because if he doesn't seem to care now... then maybe I should be the one to break us up."

"I understand," Louis says, "you can stay here as long as you'd like."

"Thanks, Lou," Harry, in his state, unclutches his legs and drops them down, his head falling onto Louis' chest instead, letting out a sigh.

"It's---it's fine," Louis stutters, not expecting him to be so close so suddenly. He wraps an arm around Harrys shoulders, adjusting himself a little and relaxing, "when are you meant to leave with him for the holidays?"

"In, like, two days," Harry mumbles tiredly pushing himself closer to Louis.

"Shit," Louis frowns, rubbing his arm, "are you--- is it still going to happen?"

"Dunno," he says, exasperated.

"Okay," Louis drops it, even though there's a hundred different questions in his mind right now. He can tell that Harry doesn't want to talk about it anymore.

"Do you have an extra blanket for me to sleep out here?" Harry asks, voice rumbling, already thick with sleep.

"Uh, yeah. Let me get it for you," Louis pushes Harry off himself slowly, standing up to get the thick grey blanket he knows Harry loves.

He would offer for Harry to sleep with him in the bed but he doesn't know how appropriate that would be or even if Harry is in the right state of mind. Not that Louis thinks he'd cheat on Aaron or anything like that--- just that he probably doesn't even know what's right or left right now. He's overwhelmed. Louis would rather just leave him be on the sofa for tonight.

It's hardly even seven at night but when Louis gets back to Harry, he's already snuggled up to Louis' big pillow, hugging it to his chest and his thin blanket already draped over his body.

Louis sighs. He unfolds the thick grey one, carefully placing it over Harry's sleeping form and tucking some of the edges in just for good measure. He knows Harry has a tendency to push off the blanket during the course of the night, even if it's less than 0 degrees outside and he doesn't want Harry to catch a cold, so he has to make sure he's tucked in properly, that's all.

Louis switches the TV off and the main light but leaves the lamp in the corner of the room on, just to give Harry some sort of light during the night, then he makes himself a quick sandwich before grabbing his laptop and heading to the room.

Louis puts on a random episode of _Friends_ to watch, though his mind is distracted. Knowing that Harry is out there, in the lounge, sleeping with tear marks down his cheeks and a broken heart unsettles Louis.

It's funny that, when Louis is not the one breaking his heart, then no one else should be allowed to do it. Not that Louis is allowed to, he'd just never felt so protective over Harry when they'd broken up. It's just like he missed a period of their lives, where they both acted like the other was a stranger, and felt nothing.

The thought is a little weird. Louis feels like he shouldn't even be put into the middle of this whole situation with Aaron and Harry, other than being a place for Harry to stay temporarily it's just... he is still Harry's best friend. He feels like he has further obligation than just being a place of shelter for Harry.

He doesn't know why part of him feels off about the whole thing, more than just about Harry getting his heart broken. Something about the fact that there's a possibility that they might work out, makes Louis' stomach turn. For what, he can't tell yet.

****

"So he's just gonna stay with you then?" Liam asks, as if he doesn't understand what Louis just said.

"Yes. What else must he do?" Louis asks, frowning.

"Nothing, I'm just asking," Liam mumbles, raising his palms up, "did he say how long? Has he spoken to Aaron yet?"

"I don't know how long," Louis sighs, "he's been messaging him but I don't think he's gotten a reply yet."

"Prick," Zayn mutters under his breath, shaking his head, "who even does that? All Harry wants to do is find out if there's a future with him."

" _Exactly_ ," Louis says passionately, "and he acted all weird and left and now Harry feels bad."

"Man," Zayn says, looking sad, "you know, Aaron really seemed like a great guy."

"Maybe he's going through some things?" Liam suggests hesitantly.

Zayn and Louis both look at Liam like he's growing another head.

"So he takes out on Harry? That's not fair."

"I'm not saying it's fair," Liam explains gently, "I'm just saying that sometimes when people are going through their own, like, emotional issues, they don't realise what they do or say all the time. They make mistakes."

"Well, he needs to apologise for those mistakes then," Zayn mumbles.

Louis stays quiet. He doesn't think that someone's personal issues are reason enough to take it out on other people. It shouldn't be used as an excuse. If he was or is going through things, he could have just asked for space to sort everything out.

Maybe Louis is just being too harsh because he's biased about Harry. Not that they ended well or anything. Like Louis keeps reminding himself, he is still Harry's best friend--- before the ex-thing even happened.

"How's Niall doing?" Louis asks instead, changing the subject.

"He's okay," Liam replies, swallowing the sip of his beer, "heartbreak is hard but he's dealing."

"That's good," Louis smiles, "maybe I'll call him before I go to mum's--- if I don't see him beforehand, I mean."

"Um, if Harry doesn't go to visit Aaron's parents for the holidays, is he... going to go with you?" Zayn asks.

Louis hasn't actually thought that far ahead. Honestly, he probably would ask him to because no one deserves to be alone during the holidays. Niall is visiting his parents in Ireland, Zayn and Liam are driving to Wolverhampton to Liam's parents in three days and Louis is leaving a day after them.

So, its not like Harry can really go anywhere else, even if he is familiar with everyone's parents, he knows Louis' family the best, given their history.

Hell, Louis is sure his mum loves Harry just a little bit more than she loves him. Which is fine, really. He doesn't blame her. Everyone falls in love with Harry within, like, seconds of knowing him.

Louis swallows. He isn't about to go down that memory lane. Especially not right now.

"Um, I don't know. Probably? He shouldn't be alone, you know?"

They both nod in understanding, much to Louis' relief. He was afraid it would be a bit weird.

"As long as Aaron knows, I guess," Liam adds.

"Yeah, if he decides to even talk to Harry again," Louis scoffs.

Liam purses his lips. "Point taken but still valid."

Louis rolls his eyes, waving his hand in the air to dismiss his statement.

"And he didn't want to come out with you tonight, huh?" Zayn asks, "like to talk with us and stuff?"

"No, he didn't," Louis confirms with an apologetic smile, "I mean apart from going home to a cooked meal and a dinner filled with small talk, he doesn't really speak about any of this to me either; not since the day he came home."

"To your home, you mean," Liam corrects, eyes searching Louis'.

"What did I say?" Louis asks, blinking in confusion.

Zayn gives Liam a short look before shifting his gaze away and taking a sip of his beer.

"You said 'home'," Liam tells him, "like he stays there with you anyway."

"Oh," Louis pushes away the feeling he gets in his tummy, "well, mistake--- it's my home, is all--- anyways, he's not talking about anything to me and it's been like four days already. I mean, he told me what happened but not exactly how he'd felt, you know?"

"Give it some time. If there's anyone he'll open up to, it'll be you," Zayn says softly, tone reassuring.

"Yeah, I agree," Liam chimes in, "you said he's been making you dinner?" He asks with pinched brows.

Yes, he has been and Harry staying with him again, even if it is for only a few days, reminds him too much of when they were couple and he'd come home to Harry making something or getting out ingredients so they could both make something together.

It's agonising in a way he never thought it could be. And he doesn't even understand why; they broke up years ago. Why did something like this trigger all of that? Memories Louis had pushed away and moved on from for a few years now.

"Yeah, the whole cooking and baking thing distracts him, remember? He does it a lot when he's stressed out," Louis says.

"Oh, yeah," Liam nods, recalling something, "I remember when he applied for that job and baked us brownies for a whole week."

"And that pasta of his," Zayn feigns a moan, "that was so fucking good."

"Rosé," Louis grins, "that's his thing--- I've tried making it and it just doesn't come out the same."

"He shared the recipe with you?" Zayn asks, scandalized.

"We came up with it when we were together, remember?"

Zayns face contorts. He nods, mouth turning into an 'O' shape. "Right, your contribution was adding nutritional yeast."

"It was a _great_ contribution," Louis says defensively, "and it would taste horrible without it, thank you very much."

Zayn snorts. "Dramatic much?"

Louis sticks his tongue out at Zayn as a reply, just like seven-year-olds do. He's not ashamed. Some people still just deserve that.

"Well, anyway," Liam inhales, tapping his hands on the table, "we should get going now but please let us know what happens, Louis."

"Yeah, of course," Louis says without an ounce of hesitance. They're Harrys friends too, and they're understandably worried about him, just like Louis is. Maybe not as much but pretty damn close.

"And call us when you go to your mum's, yeah?" Zayn reminds him as he shimmies himself out the booth.

"I know," Louis smiles, "call me or Harry when you two reach Liam's folks'."

"Will do, mate," Liam gives his shoulder a comforting squeeze, "and try and check on Niall please."

"I will," Louis promises, waving goodbye to them.

Then it's just Louis left in the booth, meant for at least four people. He stares at the empty seats opposite him, wondering how much longer they're going to keep their little group the way it is.

They're perfect now but he knows that after Liam and Zayn get married, there'll be quite a big change within the group. They'll probably want to spend more time alone, being newly weds and all, and then they're going to want to spend more time with other married couples, not a guy who can't commit, another one who is yearning to and one more who's pining after an asshole.

He feels bad calling Shawn an asshole but then he remembers how many times he'd actually broken Niall's heart and suddenly that guilt is gone. Maybe Shawn is a good guy, but just not for Niall. That's okay though. Niall will find the right person soon enough.

Louis sighs, finishing off his beer in the otherwise crowded pub, before heading home. He wonders what Harry's made for them this time. He made a killer mushroom pasta yesterday, it made Louis' mouth water just thinking about it.

Louis thinks that maybe they could cook something together tonight, instead of letting Harry do all the work. But he also doesn't want to interupt Harry's obvious distraction, especially if it's working for him.

Or maybe that's more of a reason why he should. It's not good for him to bottle up what he's feeling. If there's anyone who knows that, its Louis. It takes a while for him to open up to other people. His therapist said its because of his 'underlying trust issues that developed when he was a child as early as when his father had left him'.

It makes sense, really. But he's gotten better over the years; he opens up about how he feels, even if it's just to one person. Usually it's Harry, who's one of the most compassionate, empathetic people Louis knows. He's never one to judge others and that's exactly what Harry needs right now. And Louis is going to try his best to pull him out of the shell he's built around himself over the past few days, to try and coax him to open up a bit about how he feels.

He knows it's not going to be easy, given how stubborn he is. (Almost as much as Louis). But maybe it's necessary.

Louis takes determined strides towards his flat then, mind set on trying to help Harry tonight as much as he can. He's going to be the greatest best friend/former boyfriend in the world.

He giggles to himself about that. It's probably a little weird; how close they are even though they're exes. A lot of people don't or can't stay friends with their exes, which is totally okay, but they're clearly different. Louis would like to think it's because they're more mature than others. Or maybe their breakup wasn't as bad as others. At least it wasn't a cheating situation or anything like that.

When Louis finally opens up the flat and walks inside, he's surprised to find the kitchen empty, lights off and the whole place being eerily quiet. He frowns, switching on the hallway light and peeping into the lounge. Harry isn't there either.

"Harry?" Louis calls out, approaching the bedroom, where the door is half-opened. The closer he gets, the more he can hear a slight sniffle from the other side. Hastily, Louis opens the door, finding Harry curled up into a ball, wiping at his nose.

Louis' heart aches. With a deep exhale, he flips the switch to the room on, Harry's face becoming clearer. His cheeks are blotchy, his eyes are red and his face is wet.

"Hey, love," Louis says sadly, walking closer to him, "you all right?"

Harry shakes his head, sniffing like he's been sobbing before this. Louis wants to wrap him up in a blanket and hold him close. He sits down on the floor instead, at the head of the bed so that Harry's face is up-close.

"What happened?" Louis asks gently.

Harry doesn't say anything. He only lifts himself up on his elbow and pulls out his phone from underneath the pillow, handing it Louis.

Louis catches sight of his ringless fingers and chipped nailpolish before taking the phone from his hands. He types in Harry's password, the screen opening up to a text conversation between him and Aaron.

_Harry:_   
_I think that maybe some space for the both of us is what we need right now. Maybe we need reevaluate our relationship._

Aaron replies days later, the time being a few hours prior, with:

_I'm_ _leaving tomorrow to my parent's place. If you want some space, then maybe its best that you_ _don't_ _come along. You can tell me when you decide whats best for us, okay?_

It's snarky and unncessarily rude in Louis' opinion. It's not fair either. He was the one who left, walking out and ignoring Harry for days. He doesn't get to say shit like that. He doesn't get to make Harry seem like a bad guy here. Sure, they both must have said stuff to each other that wasn't the nicest, but right now, Harry isn't the bad guy and Aaron is wrong to make him out that way.

"I know its st-stupid for me to cry when I'm the one w-who asked for space but," he shrugs, sniffling, "I didn't expect that r-reply from him."

Okay, he was definitely sobbing, if the way he's stuttering out his words is anything to go by.

Louis clicks the button on the side to lock the phone, placing it on the nightstand and standing up. "Scoot over," he instructs softly.

Harry looks up at him with swollen eyes, shifting on the bed to make space for Louis. Louis lies down next to him, face inches away from each other.

"I'm sorry," Louis offers, unsure of what else he can say to make this better right now, "it's not fair that he's putting this all on you when he's the one who left."

"I just don't g-get it," Harry huffs, brows creasing, "we were okay, you know? And then h-he started being all distant and j-jumpy, like he was hiding something."

Louis gulps. "Hiding something?"

"Yeah," Harry exhales, "I don't know what it is--- or was--- and I don't even want to think about the possibilities. I just want us to be okay again."

"You really still want to be with him after everything?" Louis asks, surprised.

Harry gives him one-shoulder shrug. "I'm not just going to give up. We need space, yes, but I can't just give up on what we have."

"It seems like he might be doing that," Louis says, as gentle as possible, "take that passive aggressive message for example."

"He's just so mad," Harry says weakly, "and I don't know why--- I don't know how I can fix it."

"It's not your job to fix," Louis tells him firmly, "whatever he's going through--- that's on him--- you have no obligation to fix it. You can be there for him, yeah, but that's only if he wants you to and right now it doesn't seem like he does."

A single tear falls from Harry's left eye and onto the pillow. "You're right," he says quietly, "what do I do?"

"Give it time," Louis repeats Liams advice from earlier, "if it's meant to work out with him, then it will."

"You really think so?" Harry asks, knitting his brows together.

"I believe that things that are meant to work out have a way of, you know, eventually working out," he smiles, "just... maybe, leave things how they are for now; it's clear that neither of you are in the right state of mind after that fight."

Truthfully, Louis doesn't think Harry should even bother trying to work things out with Aaron, especially after recent events, that text being the cherry on top. But he knows that Harry doesn't give up without a fight, especially for the things or people he loves. He just can't help but feel like, if they do work out, it'll be a mistake.

Again, Louis doesn't feel like he has the right to say that as an ex. So he gives him the best advice he can for now. He does believe that things that are meant to be have a way of working out in the end. If they're meant to be at the end of the day, then so be it. Louis has no say in that.

He doesn't fuck with the universe.

"Do I text him back?" Harry asks, voice small and unsure.

"If you want to."

Harry huffs. "I don't know what I would say."

"Whatever you feel like you need to," Louis says.

Harry chews on his bottom lip, nodding. "It's not going to be nicest of messages because I'm not feeling that nice right now."

Louis gives him a small smile. "That's okay, you know? Not everybody deserves your kindness and Aaron certainly doesn't right now. The best thing to do is speak your mind. Think things through and decide on what you want to say."

"If I need to think things through then maybe I need some time to compose myself?" Harry asks, the furrow between his brows still prominent.

"Yeah, maybe. You're allowed to make some reckless decisions though," Louis smirks.

Harry cracks a small, gentle smile. "Not when it comes to my relationship," he whispers, "I'll wait a bit but you're right, I do need to speak my mind and tell him what I need to. Whether we work it out or break it up from there is up to the universe."

"Yeah," Louis agrees, "up to the universe."

"I'm sorry about all of this, Lou," Harry says quietly, "I know you didn't ask for any this f---"

"Hey, enough of that," Louis cuts him off, "you're my best friend, you don't have to apologise for anything. You would have done the same thing for me."

Harry stares at him for a moment before nodding, probably realising that he _would_ do the same thing for Louis. Louis has no doubt about that.

"I was kind of looking forward to seeing Aaron's parents. We haven't seen them since they came down for Easter and I was such a nervous wreck back then," he huffs, the warm air hitting Louis' face.

"It's okay, H. I'm sure they'll understand what's happening between you guys. They look like the type of couple that fights about everything," Louis jokes, albeit inappropriately.

Harry huffs out a small laugh, smacking Louis' chest lightly. "You don't even know them."

"I met them once. That was enough," Louis wrinkles his nose, "and they were all judgy about your hair, remember?"

"It was too long back then," Harry shrugs, defending them. Louis isn't sure why. They honestly didn't seem to like Harry that much. At least, the mum didn't. It was like she treated Aaron as her precious son that no one is good enough for.

"It barely reached the back of your neck," Louis scoffs. Stupidly, he decides to reach his hand up, carding his fingers through Harry's soft locks. Like he'd been burned, he pulls his hand away quickly, mumbling a sheepish apology.

"It's fine. You know I like my hair being played with," he grins, seemingly unbothered.

_And pulled_ , Louis unhelpfully reminds himself.

"Did you eat something?" Louis asks, keeping his hand away from Harry's hair--- Harry in general.

"No," Harry rubs his swollen eye with a sweater-pawed fist. It's hoplessly adorable. "Sorry I didn't make anything tonight."

"Harry, it's okay. You don't even have to anyway."

"I know but it helped me."

"I know," Louis says with a small smile, "we can order something to eat tonight. Pizza?"

"McDonalds," Harry says, surprising Louis. It's not like Harry doesn't like his fast food, he's just never actually asked to get it, convincing himself that he 'doesn't need that unhealthy junk'. It's a lie. He's the first one to eat that shit up. He secretly loves it. Louis isn't sure why he denies it so much.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, the whole meal, with some coke and ask for an extra large chips with it," Harry says, "do they make pancakes at this hour too?"

"Flapjacks, you mean and no that's only on their breakfast menu, I'm afraid. We can have that tomorrow morning though," Louis suggests, raising his brows in question.

"Yeah, okay," Harry agrees, nodding, "I'll just--- I'll freshen up and stuff."

Louis nods, watching Harry push himself up and trudge out the room and to the bathroom, still wearing one of Louis' bigger hoodies. Louis is not sure why he's wearing it, since he did bring a bag full of clothes, but Louis isn't complaining. They always had a thing for wearing each other's clothes. Not a sexual thing, necessarily, just like, a cute, domestic thing. Even Louis liked it, which was shocking. Normally, he wouldn't let anyone touch his clothes.

But he lets Harry happily help himself to anything of Louis' and vice versa. Harry has some nice socks that Louis normally ends up stealing. It's fine though, 'cause Louis' feet normally end up too cold, no matter the season, and Harry is practically a human furnace. It's why they worked so well when they cuddled together too. Harry liked to drape himself over Louis, engulfing him with warmth like a blanket.

Even when Harry is the little spoon, when Louis holds him close, his whole body ignites in warmth. He can't explain it, exactly, they just work--- worked. Like two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together.

Only, their puzzle kind of got destroyed and they somehow stopped fitting together, not like they used to. So they both moved on to other things--- other people. Have they ever really stopped working, though?

_Anyways_. That was a rollercoaster. Louis pushes himself upright on the bed, pulling out his phone from his trousers and ordering their food.

Half and hour later, they're both on Louis' bed, half underneath the covers, a horror movie playing on _Netflix_ while they munched on their last bits of chips.

When they're finished, Harry places their dirty containers to the side and shifts closer to Louis, his head lolling onto Louis' shoulder.

"Is this okay?" Harry whispers.

"Yeah," Louis says, relaxing. He leans his own head down onto Harry's, "do you want to come home with me for the holidays?"

Harry moves, head shooting up, almost hitting Louis' in the process. "Louis," he says, eyebrows furrowed and eyes searching his, "I can't ask you to do that."

"You're not asking me, H. I'm offering," Louis reassures him, "come on, the girls and mum would love to see you again."

"Did you ask them first?" Harry bites his lip.

"I don't need to," Louis brushes it off nonchalantly. Jay's policy has always been that their home is an opened home, where anyone is welcome. He's sure that much hasn't changed in just a few months.

"Louis, you need to ask them first. I can't just show up u---"

"Harry, do you remember my mum at all?"

Harry sighs, smiling slowly. "I remember her. I saw her just a few months ago, when she came over."

"Do you know her at all then?" Louis presses with a teasing smile.

Harry smiles back, eyes still swollen and nose still red, but smiling anyways. "I do," he says.

"Then you know that she wouldn't mind having you for a week at her home at all. She might just prefer you to me, actually," Louis exaggerates a pout.

"Don't say that," Harry pushes at his chest playfully, "you're the biggest mumma's boy I know."

"So are you," Louis grumbles, cheeks pink.

"Yeah, yeah," Harry rolls his eyes, "are we going to actually watch this horror movie you put on for me to watch or are you getting scared already?"

"I think you're forgetting that out of the two of us, you're the scaredy cat," he pokes his ribs.

Harry giggles, moving away from Louis a little. "Fine, can we just finish this stupid movie, please?"

"Fine, let's finish it," Louis says, shifting in his spot to get comfortable again before focusing on the movie again.

When the movie finishes a few minutes later, Harry has the blanket up to his eyes and chest moving rapidly. He's scared, like Louis predicted.

"Do you want to sleep in here?" Louis asks, sighing fondly.

Harry nods shortly, half his face still covered.

"All right, get under the blankets properly then," Louis puts the laptop on the nighstand and opens up the duvet. Harry shimmies inside the duvet, along with the blanket he already had.

Louis faces him, covering his shoulders. "Are you feeling a little better?"

"Yeah," Harry grins, "you always manage to do that."

The words are meaningful. Weighted. Louis swallows, heart swelling.

"You know, you manage to do the same for me too," Louis says, quiet into the night.

"I would hope so."

There's a moment of silence before Harry speaks again.

"Can you pass my phone?"

Louis turns, grabs his phone and hands it to him. "Texting Aaron?"

"Yeah," Harry responds, then types out something. He shows it Louis, the brightness so high that Louis has to blink a bit before adjusting to the screen and reading what he typed out.

_It's_ _not just up to me to decide, Aaron. You left. Remember?_ _Don't_ _put this all on me. We can talk properly when_ _you're_ _back. I_ _don't_ _want to do this back and forth anymore._

Louis likes the way he put it. He nods in approval. "Send it," he says.

That's all Harry needs. He presses send when Louis gives him back his phone and places it onto the nightstand on his side of the bed.

"Thank you for everything, Louis," Harry says, eyes shining in the dark room.

"You're welcome. As long as you're okay," Louis reassures him once again, "now come on, lets get some sleep, yeah? I'm knackered."

"Yeah, of course," Harry bites his lip before moving closer to Louis, theie faces inches apart.

"Night," Louis says.

"Good night, Lou," Harry says back, a faint smile on his face before his eyes shut closed.

***

Harry gets no reply from Aaron the next morning. They eat flapjacks from McDonald's, Harry's expression somber, glancing at his phone constantly for a text from him.

By the time the day they leave to Donny has come, Louis has had enough. He finally snaps when they're in the middle of a Pink Floyd album, and Harry checks his phone for the umpteenth time. 

"Harry, put it away," Louis says with an exasperated sigh.

Harry frowns at him. "I can't help it, Louis. The fate of my relationship lies within a text from him."

Okay, that was a touch dramatic.

"Harry, it really doesn't. Besides, you told him that you two will talk when he's back, right? So technically, the _fate of your relationship_ lies within that talk."

Harry huffs, looking down at his locked phone.

"Let's make a deal?" Louis suggests.

Harry raises an eyebrow, looking interested much to Louis' relief.

"We're leaving now to Donny, yeah? I want you to turn your phone off for the duration of this trip," Louis says.

Harry stares at him, eyebrows pinched together. "You're joking, right? I can't do that, Louis. Someone might have an emergency and try and contact me and then what?"

"You can turn it on for Christmas and then when we get back," Louis continues, ignoring Harry's previous statements, "because I think this will be good thing for you."

"If I do it then you have to do it too," Harry says, eyes narrowing.

"I can't," he sighs through his nose, "there's that case we're working on that still needs my input during the holidays. But I promise you, I won't use it unless I need to. Does that sound good enough?"

Harry exhales heavily. "I'm not a kid, you know?"

"I'm aware," Louis smirks, "can't be with a cock that big."

Harry looks at him, scandalized. He swats Louis' arm. "Ew, Louis. What the fuck?"

Louis giggles. "It's true," he says through his laughs, "but that's not the point."

"I don't know," Harry says, amusement disappearing.

"It's just one week," Louis presses, "it'll go by really quickly."

"Okay," Harry agrees, still looking hesitant, "but you promise to not use yours either?"

"Not unless its for the case and birthday wishes," Louis promises, "oh and Christmas day, of course."

"Fine," Harry nods, handing Louis his phone.

Louis is surprised. He didn't think Harry would agree, considering how much he's been checking it this whole time.

"Lovely," Louis smiles, switching Harry's phone off and putting it in the centre console.

"Uh-uh, yours too," Harry wiggles his fingers, raising an eyebrow at him, "come on."

Louis sighs. He pushes his bum off the seat for a second to pull out his phone from his back pocket. With reluctance, he gives it to Harry, who puts it next to his own in the centre.

"Great. Lets leave now," Harry gets himself comfortable on his seat, "before I need to pee again."

"God, you and your bloody squirrel sized bladder," Louis groans. He shifts the gear into drive, driving the car out of the parking lot and making their way to Doncaster.

"I packed some snacks for the road and a playlist for us to listen to after the album," Harry mumbles, reaching down for a bag, pulling it up onto his lap, "well, I suppose we can't really listen to the playlist now," he grumbles to himself.

Louis shakes his head, chuckling fondly. "You know it's barely a three hour drive," he reminds him, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, but we both will get peckish," Harry says off-handedly, taking out something wrapped in foil then a flask.

"What did you pack?" Louis asks, glancing from the road to his hands.

Harry puts the bag back down to his feet and unwraps the foil, revealing a fucking gourmet looking sandwich--- the ones you'd see printed out in menus or on television adverts.

"This is a cheese, sundried tomato and basil sandwich and there's another one in the bag thats turkey, mustard and arugala," he mumbles, grabbing one half and taking a huge bite of it.

"We ate literally not even an hour ago," Louis laughs quietly, "and since when do I even have those things in my house?"

"I bought some the other day, after work," he explains, chewing on his bread, "here," he holds the sandwich up to Louis' mouth.

Louis gives him a look before taking a small bite. It's great, of course it is. That was a little weird though. Kind of? He doesn't remember when last Harry _fed him_ something.

"It's great," he says anyway, "and what's in the flask?"

"Hot chocolate," he says, giving Louis a goofy grin, "extra sweet, just the way you like it."

Louis arches a brow at him. Harry doesn't like his hot chocolate to be too sweet, claiming it ruins the taste of the cocoa in the drink. But he made extra sweet... just for Louis.

Now it's a lot like when they were dating. Harry used to do things like that when they were together. Louis brushes it off. Maybe this is just a result of staying together again.

It probably shouldn't be like this for much longer, if Harry has any plans for working it out with Aaron. He's sure that Aaron won't appreciate it. Not that he's even making an effort with Harry in the first place.

Harry pours some of the steaming hot chocolate into the lid of the flask carefully and hands it to Louis.

"Uh, love, I'm kinda occupied here," Louis chuckles awkwardly, "you know I'm not really good at driving in the first place."

"You should have told me to drive," Harry says, frowning, "here, hold on."

Then he blows carefully into the lid of hot chocolate before holding it up to Louis' mouth again. Louis stares at him, finding it a little more awkward now but sips on it slowly. He's right, it is extra sweet.

Harry does seem to notice that Louis' cheeks are slightly red and his eyes dart to anywhere but him.

"Um, sorry--- that was weird," Harry pulls his hand away, the lid still in his hand.

"No, it's okay," Louis is quick to reassure him because that's what he's always done and honestly, Harry doesn't need anymore self-doubt or insecurity right now. "Just wasn't expecting it, I guess."

"Sorry," he says anyway, "I got carried away."

"No, it's fine, really. I guess it's a little weird because we haven't really done that in a while," he attempts at a smile, "since... you know..."

"Since we started dating," Harry smiles back shyly, "yeah we were a bit insufferable back then."

"Just, you know, the normal honeymoon phase every couple has."

"We never really stopped though, did we? I mean, yeah we sort of knew a lot--- if not all ---about each other but it was never not exciting, was it?"

He's right. Everything they did, even after those first few months of being together, was thrilling. They kept each other on their toes. Everyday was a new adventure for them. It didn't even have to be extravagant or anything like that. They could cuddle up on a couch for a whole day but they still managed to make it exciting.

"Yeah, it was," Louis agrees.

"I'm making it more awkward by talking about our relationship, aren't I?" Harry asks, wincing.

"No," Louis says truthfully, "we were good together, there's no doubt about that."

Harry smiles softly at him, visible from Louis' peripheral vision. "Have you thought about going out with a friend from work of mine?"

Louis frowns. "Talking about us made you think about me going out with someone else?" He tries not to sound a little touched by it.

"If its not that then its my failing relationship, hanging on a thread," Harry huffs, "so I'd rather not."

"Told you, gonna stay single for a while and I mean it," Louis mumbles, "not gonna change my mind in just a week."

He's a little annoyed at not being taken seriously at this point but he's still determined about it. He just doesn't find an appeal for it at the moment. It's fine because he enjoys single life a lot. He feels a lot less pressure from it.

"Not even like a hook up?" Harry asks, sounding surprised.

"I am capable of staying single, you know? I'm single more often than not."

"No, I know. But even when you are single, you normally do your thing, you know," he makes a suggestive expression, "have your fun," he chuckles.

Louis frowns. It's not that he doesn't--- he does. He likes to 'have his fun'. But he likes to think that he isn't so dependant on things like sex. He enjoys it just as much as the next person.

Louis chooses not to reply, scared he might say something he might regret later on. He can get a little defensive sometimes and while Harry's perspective on relationships is different than his, he doesn't appreciate feeling judged. Even if it isn't his intention, he still feels that way.

"Lou, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you or anything," Harry says after the car becomes silent, "I just... I want to help as your best friend, that's all."

"I know but I just feel a little judged. It's stupid, because you're right," Louis sighs, "but I am serious now; I just want to stay single for a while. I don't feel like having a relationship."

Harry nods vigorously. "I know, I'm sorry. I was just surprised because you haven't done that much before, you know the whole totally single thing. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Louis exhales, shaking his head, "it feels like we've been saying that a lot to each other lately, huh?"

Harry hums in agreement. "We've both been really tense," he sighs.

"Yeah. Maybe this week will be good for us. We can just leave it behind for now and just enjoy ourselves, yeah?"

"Yeah," Harry lets out a breath, like hes relieved, "no phones, no tense conversations, just enjoying ourselves."

"Yeah," Louis' eyes meet his for a moment, "now give me more of the sandwich."

Harry chuckles, balancing the now cold hot chocolate on his leg with one hand and reaches down for another foil, unwrapping it like he did with the other one.

"Giving you the turkey one 'cause I know you like your meat and stuff," Harry offers as an explanation, holding out a half for him, "do you want me to feed you again?" He asks with a smug smile.

It's still a little weird but Louis find himself chuckling, flipping Harry off and grabbing the sandwich from his hand. "Shut up," he mutters through heated cheeks then takes a bite of the bread. It's amazing. Louis isn't surprised, it was made by Harry.

They reach Donny sooner than Louis expected and are greeted by a clan of girls, smothering Harry and him in hugs and kisses, including a handful from his mum.

When his mum reaches Harry, she pinches his cheeks like she always does and follows that by a big kiss to the side of his face, while on her tip-toes.

For some reason, she's always been obsessed with Harry's cheeks. She always said that they remind her of little cherubs, especially when he smiles and those dimples pop.

"It's so good to see you again, Harry," she tells him, squeezing his shoulder, "we've missed you terribly."

"I've missed you too," Harry says back, looking a little emotional. Abruptly, he pulls her in for a hug, tucking his face into her neck.

"Oh, sweetheart," she rubs his back soothingly, "you're always welcome here, you know that."

Louis can't help but smile fondly at them. His mum and Harry got along smashingly and it happened almost instantly. Jay adores Harry. She's still convinced that he and Harry are going to end up together, no matter how many times he explains to her why they won't work out in the end.

He's stopped trying to convince her at this point, and lets her have her little fantasies of them being together. Hell, sometimes he'll even entertain it when she makes certain comments. Like when she was looking at her old wedding photos, commenting about how many people there were then about how Harry would complain about having too many people at their wedding. He'll chuckle and agree with her, adding that he'd rather have something more private.

It was all in good fun though, of course. She knows how he feels about marriage and everything else that comes along with it.

"You cut your hair?" Daisy shrieks, darting towards Harry, reaching up to run her fingers through the sides.

"Daisy, boundaries," he scolds her, shaking his head.

"But he cut it!" She cries, pouting at Harry.

"I only trimmed it," Harry says, touching hair conciously, "mum said it was getting too long."

That was a lie. Anne loved anything Harry decided to do with his hair, except for that one time he decided to dye his hair neon green. They had to give Harry an intervention then. Niall said Harry's hair made him nauseas.

That one was a bit harsh, he has to admit.

But this bullshit about his hair being too long was from Aaron. Back when Louis and Harry were dating, Harry's hair had grown down to his shoulders. By the time Louis'd come back from Brazil, Harry had cut his hair so short, he was almost unrecognizable.

Ever since then, he didn't grow it out for a while. It was only around the time he'd met Aaron that he started growing it out again, which didn't last too long because Aaron said he didn't like that hair length on Harry.

Of course Harry's hair was untamable, so it grew quickly and sporadically and the last time the girls had seen him, it was a fair bit longer. Not as much as Daisy had made it seem though. She is just dramatic like that.

"Anne?" Phoebe asks, looking confused. "But she loved your long hair, especially when Lottie braided it."

"Changed her mind, I guess," Harry shrugs, rubbing his left arm awkwardly.

"She and Robin leave for that cruise yet?" Jay asks, luckily changing the subject. "Come on, let's sit down from tea, you're all crowded in the hallway."

"Um, yeah three days ago," Harry tells her as they walk into the dining room.

"I'll put our things upstairs," Louis calls out to them.

Harry pauses, turning to Louis. "Do you need any help?"

"No, it's just two cases, love. I should be fine," Louis smiles, "you and mum can carry on."

Jay grins at Louis before ushering Harry fully into the opened plan dining area, followed by his sisters and brother.

Huh. Louis hadn't even noticed Ernie come in. He was a quiet one, Ernie. Definitely didn't seem like a traditional Tomlinson for sure.

Louis takes their luggage from the floor near the door up to the room. He leaves Harry's bag with his. He isn't sure what the sleeping arrangements will be but they'll worry about that later. Louis has no problem sleeping on the couch and Harry can take the bed.

"Are you and Harry back together?"

Louis almost jumps out of his skin at the sound of Fizzy's voice. "Jesus, you scared me, Fiz," he huffs, holding a hand over his heart, going back to unpacking his suitcase. Just taking out his things to wear for bed and toiletries.

"You didn't answer my question," she steps into the room, sitting on the edge of the bed, adjacent to Louis.

"We're not back together, no," Louis rolls his eyes, "he's been with Aaron for over a year now."

"Oh," she frowns, lips in a pout, "that's a shame."

"God, has mum turned you into her?" Louis laughs softly, zipping up his bag.

"No, I'm just not blind. I'm the love guru," Fizzy says, a bit too seriously, "I can see when two people are meant to be together."

"Fizzy, you saw us, like, a month ago," Louis deadpans, "we all went shopping for Lottie's dress, remember? And we weren't together then."

"A lot can happen in a few weeks!" She fights back. "And you two seem... I don't know--- there's, like, more tension between you two. The sexual kind, you know?"

Louis exhales through his nose, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. Good lord, his sister just spoke about sexual tension between _her brother_ and his ex.

"Yes, thank you for that," he says dryly, "it's just tension--- not sexual," he grimaces, still hearing it in her voice, "we've both been a little tense recently and we were bickering a lot, that's why it seems like that."

"That's when the best kind of sex happens you know," she says with a hint of excitement in her voice that Louis should probably be worried about.

"Okay, firstly, he is still with someone else, in case you've forgotten and secondly, you are way too invested in this, it's bordering weird."

Fizzy's shoulders sag, eyes rolling to the back of her head. "You know, football has a goalkeeper but that doesn't mean you can't score."

Louis gapes at her. "Fizzy," he says incredulously, letting out a short laugh and shaking his head, "god, let's just get downstairs, enough of you."

"You know I'm right," she winks at him before walking out the room.

Louis is still shaking his head in disbelief when he gets downstairs, meeting some of his family in the dining area again.

"Where's mum?" He asks.

"Making tea and Phoebs is helping," Daisy explains.

"Is Lottie coming tomorrow?" Louis asks, taking a seat next to Harry.

"Yeah, staying with us till the day after Christmas," Fizzy says, "then spending the rest of the holidays with her future hubby."

"Cannot believe she's going to get married soon," Harry whispers, sighing, "before me."

"Don't worry, you and Louis will get married soon," Fizzy says with a smirk on her face.

Louis feels the colour drain from his face, the room falling silent. He's too scared to look at Harry but he's sure Harry's looking the same way Louis is.

"What? I didn't say to each other," Fizzy shrugs nonchalantly, as if she didn't just give everyone at the table a heart attack.

Daisy laughs, giggling into her upper arm. Louis lets out a breath, shaking his head. "God, Fiz," he breathes out.

"Yeah," Harry laughs awkwardly, looking away, "um, I should see if your mum needs help," he declares, getting up before anyone can say anything to him.

Then he's gone into the kitchen and Louis hisses at his sister, "Fizzy, what the hell?"

"What? If anything, after seeing both of your reactions now, I'm pretty sure you're going to get married to _each other,_ " she says then high-fives Daisy who raised her hand.

"Oh god, not you too," Louis sighs, groaning into his palm, "you can't say shit like that when we haven't been together in five years."

Louis does wonder what his sister means by 'after seeing both of your reactions'. How did they react? Louis is sure he looked like he was going to shit himself. How was that any indicator of a _good_ thing?

"Sorry, but it's just like a soulmate situation, you know?" Daisy says.

"What's a soulmate situation?" Jay asks, walking in with a tray of mugs of steaming beverages in her hands.

Louis is about to get up to help her when Harry beats him to it, placing the tray down carefully onto the table. It's touching then, seeing how he remembers each one of his sister's preferences for tea.

"And where's Doris and Ernie?" Harry asks, eyes scanning the area.

"Must have gone upstairs," Jay mutters, "go call them for me, would you, Phoebe?"

Phoebe nods, heading off to the staircase.

"Lou, I made yours," Harry makes sure he tells him before handing it to him. Louis doesn't know why but he flushes under the attention, mumbling a short thank you to him.

"What?" Harry asks, when he sees Fizzy and Daisy staring at him.

Jay also looks at them in question.

Fizzy and Daisy give each other a look. Before either of them can reply, Ernie and Doris come running in, grabbing their mugs and hurrying out.

"Oi! No running in the house," Jay yells at them, then sighing when they're out of sight, "those two, I swear..."

"Worse than Louis?" Harry asks, mirth in his smile.

"No one is as bad as Louis," Jay grins back.

"All right, we aren't doing this again. We are not doing this thing where you and Harry gang up on me for no reason," Louis warns.

"Now we get to join in," Fizzy smiles sweetly--- too sweetly.

Louis sighs. The last time they'd done this was when Harry had brought Louis home for the first time, Jay taking to him almost instantly, and bringing out the baby albums and embarrassing childhood stories. Fizzy was only sixteen at the time and Lottie twenty, with no interest in their brother's love life.

Now though, now Fizzy is a relentless twenty-one-year-old. Louis remembers himself at that age. He was a bit of a dick.

"Did I tell you about the time Louis decided to walk from the movie theatre to the ice cream shop that was over seven kilometres away? All on his own. At only ten."

Harry giggles already. "Tell me," he says.

So she goes on, telling Harry and the girls about the time Louis decided the movie they were watching was boring and he wanted ice cream instead. He decided to leave his mum who handled two smaller children and just, walk out of the theatre. Louis actually remembers that day, remembers having a craving for chocolate ice cream, remembers the car wash near the ice cream place they'd gone to many times and passed on the way to the theatre and walked there.

He'd gotten a good shouting at when his mum eventually found him later that day, even a spank on his bum for being naughty and not telling her where he was going. It was clear that he'd made her and his step-father at the time very upset. Needless to say, Louis never did anything like that again. Not because he was afraid of punishment--- he'd get more in the years to come anyway--- because he never wanted to put his mother in such a state every again.

They have a haphazard dinner; just some leftovers and sandwiches, and start dispersing to their respective rooms at around half ten at night.

"I'll take the couch," Louis and Harry say at the same time.

They both laugh airily.

"I'll take it," Louis insists quickly before Harry can protest.

"No, Lou, this is your home. I can't let you do that," Harry says, determined.

"No, I wo---"

"None of you are sleeping on the couch," Jay interupts them, eyes tired as she shifts her gaze back and forth between the two, "there's no heating down here at all and it gets way too cold."

"Oh, uh," Louis rubs the back of his neck, "I'll set up on the floor of the room then."

"Louis," Harry says, sounding a little tired but smiling at the same time, "it's only a few nights--- can't we just sleep next to each other?"

Louis sucks in a breath.

"You can sort that out between yourselves," his mum says, "as long as none of you sleep down here."

Then she bids them a good night and heads up the stairs, to her room.

"You sure about that?" Louis asks dubiously, "Aaron won't like that."

"It's not like we're going to fuck," he says bluntly, raising an eyebrow at Louis, as if to challenge him, "and we slept next to each other just the other day."

"Right, I guess it's okay," Louis squeaks, clearing his throat.

"You guess?" Harry teases him with a giggle.

"Oh shut it and go to the room, would you?" Louis rolls his eyes, pushing at the small of Harry's back to guide him up to the room.

Louis' bed isn't a double bed--- at least he doesn't think it is. It looks small. Very small. At least when they'd cuddled in Louis' bed, they had some space. Now, it feels like they're literally going to be in each other's spaces.

"Taking the side against the wall?" Harry asks.

_Just like the last time_ , goes unsaid.

"Yeah," Louis agrees, "you can use the bathroom while I change?"

The last time they'd stayed here, they had no issue undressing in front of each other, cuddling up to each other, giggling into each others mouths--- all of that seemed like it was ages ago. Maybe, in a way, it kind of was.

"Okay," Harry bends down to retrieve his thing from his bag. Louis darts his eyes away from the view, grabbing the clothes he took out earlier from the bed.

Once Louis hears Harry go out the door, he pulls his shirt over his head and then his pants, changing quickly into his pyjamas and jumping into bed, underneath the blankets.

"You not using the bathroom?" Harry asks, walking back in and shutting the door behind himself. He's already dressed in his own sleepingwear; silky pyjamas. Right. Louis forgets how much he loves those.

During the time he's been staying at Louis', he wore mostly joggers or some of Louis' stuff. He must have changed his mind.

"I do, was just getting cold," Louis mutters, hurrying out to use the bathroom quickly. He hears Harry chuckle behind him.

When they're finally settled into bed, it's tense. Louis feels stiff and Harry is practically radiating the same energy next to him. He's not sure if they even fall asleep. It feels like all he wants to do is avoid turning around and facing Harry and praying that Harry turns around to the other side so Louis finally can.

And it doesn't help that he's fucking cold. Why is it so cold all of a sudden? He shudders a bit, rubbing up and down his arms.

"Lou?"

Louis pauses, breath hitching. "Yeah?"

"You cold?"

Louis knows he can't dent it. He nods.

"Turn around," he says softly.

Louis obliges for some reason, turning to face Harry. He's much closer than Louis expected him to be. Louis must pull back a lot because it makes Harry laugh. Louis is glad this whole thing is at least making one of them laugh.

"Sorry," Harry grins, "you wanna, um, cuddle or something?"

Louis bites his lip.

"No awkward or tense conversations. Just enjoying ourselves this week, right?" Harry reminds him.

"Cuddling is for our enjoyment?" Louis asks playfully.

"Always been a good cuddler," Harry says.

"Yeah, all right," Louis laments. They cuddled just the other day when Harry was sad. That was for an emergency though. Is Louis being too cold considered an emergency? Yes, he decides as he feels a chill down his spine, yes it is.

Harry moves closer, wrapping an arm around Louis' waist and pushing his face downwards a bit. Louis places his hand on Harrys waist and lets himself enjoy the warmth Harry always manages to radiate.

Within a few minutes, Louis is fast asleep next to Harry, while Harry snores softly.

***

The next morning, Louis awakes to ruckus coming from the kitchen downstairs. A new voice has joined them today, from what it sounds like. Louis recognises Lottie's voice, smiling to himself, then he hears a vaguely familiar male's voice.

He shoots up from bed then, only just realising that Harry was supposed to be next to him. He glances at the clock on the wall opposite the bed. It's already nine in the morning, which means Harry is probably already awake, being the early riser that he is. He's probably been awake from the crack of dawn, helping his mum in the kitchen to make breakfast.

Louis huffs, walking down the stairs, rubbing his eyes tiredly. The kitchen is full when he walks in, his mum and Harry at the stove, both with aprons on, Lottie chopping strawberries and Phoebe and Daisy getting out the plates and glasses for breakfast.

Harry is the first to spot him through the already full kitchen, smiling softly. "Happy birthday, Lou," he says, grinning, "we're making all your favourites."

Shit, Louis'd actually forgotten that today is his birthday. He's fucking thirty-two today. Why does that put him in a panic? He hates getting older.

"Happy birthday, baby," his mum abandons whatever she was doing at the stove and gives him a big hug, squeezing him tightly.

That's followed by a round of wishes from everyone else in the kitchen, last from Lottie who also whispers something in his ear, "Harry is here, huh?"

Louis pulls back, seeing a questioning, slightly worried look on her face. He only nods with a short tip of his chin before Harry stands besides Lottie.

"Hi," he says to Louis, looking ridiculous in his 'momma's kitchen' apron.

Lottie steps aside then, giving Louis one last look before going back to cutting an array of berries.

"Hey," Louis greets back, "pink really suits you," he smiles, tilting his head and looking at the apron.

Harry grins. "Thanks," he looks down briefly before meeting Louis' gaze again. Then suddenly, Louis is pulled into a hug, arms wrapping around his shoulders.

He hugs back, his own arms snaking around Harrys waist.

"Happy birthday," he mumbles to Louis.

"Thanks, H," Louis whispers back.

"Can't believe you're thirty-two," he giggles, pulling away.

Louis rolls his eyes half-heartedly, his cheeks red. "Stop, don't remind me."

"Come on, grab a plate and dish out. We've got a full English for you plus some pancakes," Jay says with a smile.

Louis grins happily, obliging, grabbing a plate and scanning the array of food made. He knows that Harry's made the sausages because there's small sprigs of rosemary in the pan with it.

Once he's dished out, he joins his family--- and David, Lottie's fiance--- at the table. Harry sits next to him, smelling fresh and like vanilla, the body wash Louis knows he likes using.

And here Louis, still smelling like the night before with disheveled hair. David wishes him a timid 'happy birthday'. The breakfast is incredible, like Louis expected it to be. His mum and Harry are a dynamic duo, especially in the kitchen.

He gets chased away when he tries to help clean up, by his mum and Harry, so he decides to take a shower, getting rid of that horrible travel smell.

As soon as Louis comes back down again, he's pulled to the side, near the guest bathroom.

"Lottie? What the hell?"

"You brought Harry," she states, perfectly sculpted eyebrow raised.

"Yes, is that a problem?"

"Isn't he supposed to be with his _boyfriend_?"

"He and Aaron had a fight. A big one. Harry doesn't know if they're going to be together or not," Louis explains.

"Does Aaron know he's here with you? With an ex for the holidays?" Lottie asks, crossing her arms over chest.

"I'm not just an ex," Louis frowns, "he's my best friend and Aaron is being an arse. He's not even replying to what Harry is saying. He walked out!"

He can't help but be a little defensive. He's not the bad guy here and he doesn't want to be treated like one.

"If you and Harry were still together and he hung out with an ex who was his best friend and he didn't tell you, you wouldn't like it," she says pointedly.

He really wishes people would stop bringing that up.

"I wouldn't have left in the first place nor would I be an arse afterwards," Louis bites back, "why the hell is it such a big deal, honestly?"

Lottie sighs. "Just make sure Harry tells him at least, that he's here with you."

"You know he told Harry that he's leaving to his parents without him? Just over text after walking out on their fight," Louis continues because he doesn't feel like he's done, "I thought he was an okay guy and then he gets all secretive and stuff."

"Secretive?" Lottie asks. Clearly that word caught her attention. She pales a little, her hands falling to the side. "Do you think--- do you think it's possible that he might be... cheating on him?"

Louis blinks at her. He never really thought about that. Before he can even comprehend everything, the guest bathroom door opens.

Of course it has to be Harry standing on the other side.

"You think he's cheating on me?" Hary asks, a shake in his voice and hurt in his eyes.

"I didn't--- I don't---" Lottie stumbles over her words, clearly shocked.

"H, it was just... she was just thinking out loud. There's no guarantee that he is," Louis is quick to reassure him, taking a tentative step forward, towards him, "let's--- we can go upstairs for a bit?" 

He doesn't know what else to suggest. It's not like they can go outside for a walk because it's fucking freezing out there. The only room they--- or just Harry--- can get any privacy is Louis' bedroom.

"Yeah, just, don't listen to me," Lottie says, swallowing nervously, "I say stupid things sometimes."

"She does," Louis says, hoping to lighten the mood a bit but ultimately failing to do so.

Harry looks down, biting back tears. He walks wordlessly passed them and to the stairs, taking two at a time to reach the bedroom.

Louis sighs. "I'll go check on him," he says to Lottie.

Lottie nods, eyes apologetic. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Lots," he smiles tightly before following after Harry, knocking on the half-closed bedroom door.

"May I come in?" He asks.

"It's your bedroom," is what he gets as a reply, tone robotic.

He's sitting at the edge of the bed, hands wringing on his lap.

"Harry, she was just saying whatever came to her mind. She didn't think about anything, you know? You don't know anything for sure," Louis sighs, sitting down next to him.

"But she has a point," Harry swallows, "it would explain everything that's been happening recently. He's never been like this before."

"Okay," Louis takes a breath. He just thought the same thing but he needs to be the voice of reason right now. "But we can't just assume these things, right? And we're meant to be enjoying this week here."

Harry looks up at him, eyebrows turned down. "I'm so sorry. God, I'm so selfish. Today is your birthday," he gets off the bed abruptly, holding out his hand, "forget about that; let's go make your birthday cake."

"I'm making my birthday cake?" Louis asks, arching a brow at him, accepting his hand. He ignores the way it causes a shiver down his spine.

"Yes, because you're thirty-two and still don't know how to make a cake," Harry gives him a pointed look, dragging Louis out of the room.

Louis should probably be worried about how quickly Harry wanted to change the subject, subsequently changing his mood too. He leaves it be for now.

"I do know how to," Louis grumbles.

"A mug cake doesn't count, Lou," Harry rolls his eyes.

"Does to! That's why its called a mug _cake_ ," Louis says defensively.

"Well now you're going to make a real cake," Harry says, ignoring what Louis said, "and your mum and the girls need a break."

"Right so let me do the work then," Louis mumbles, "on my birthday."

"Oh shut it," Harry lets go of his hand in favour of grabbing a bowl from a cabinet.

Louis didn't realise how sweaty his hands are until he wipes them over his thighs. "Fine then what are we making?"

"You can choose and I'll help you," Harry grins, pulling out an electric beater.

"Chocolate," Louis says decisively.

So they make a chocolate cake. It sinks in the middle because, according to Harry, Louis overmixed the batter. He didn't even fucking know that was possible. How do you mix something too much? It didn't make sense.

They iced it anyway, with a coffee icing, and they sang for Louis around the old dining room table, reminding him of when he was in school surrounded by his family and close friends.

He shut his eyes, blowing out the candles to make a wish. Truthfully, Louis doesn't know what he wishes for anymore, not since his sixteenth birthday, but tonight, when he opens his eyes, Harry's standing in front of him, eyes bright and smile wide.

"Did you make a wish?" Harry asks.

Louis smiles slowly. "I think I did," he replies.


	4. Three

  
Christmas day is busy. Louis doesn't even have time to check on how Harry is doing because his attention is on something else or another the entire day.

After they'd made Louis' flopped birthday cake and ate it, they shared fond memories of Louis, sitting in the lounge with cups of teas in their hands. It was wonderful. Louis appreciates things like that the most.

By the time they'd gone to bed on Christmas night, Harry was passed out snoring when Louis came back from the bathroom. Which wasn't convenient because Louis still hadn't given Harry his present and apparently, Harry never gave Louis' his either.

He let it be for now though. He falls asleep next to Harry, not caring about whether or not there's enough space left between them this time, nuzzling his nose into Harry's shoulder blades.

Which of course means that when Louis wakes up, he's holding Harry close to him, hand over his waist and face practically in his hair.

He blinks, surprised, but he doesn't pull away. Harry's breathing is not shallow nor is he snoring, which means he's awake.

"H?" Louis calls out hesitantly.

Harry huffs, his whole body moving. "You can pull away if you want 's just nice to be held," he shrugs, face turning even further into the pillow.

Louis body sags, sad that his best friend has to feel this way. He tightens his grip over his waist, pulling Harry even further back into him. It should be weird and maybe part of it is but he doesn't even care. Right now, it's for Harry, as long as he feels okay.

"You know, we still haven't given each other presents," Louis mumbles.

Harry is quiet for a bit before turning around in Louis' arms, faces only an eyelash length apart. It doesn't seem to deter Harry though. He smiles softly, in a way that tugs at Louis' heart.

"Mine's not much," he says quietly.

Louis smiles back. "I don't think mine is either to be honest."

"You go first?" Harry suggests.

"Fine, move your bum off the bed then," Louis says, patting his arm. Muscular arm. When did he get those biceps?

Anyways.

Louis looks away, scooting off the bed and to his opened suitcase. He bends down, squatting as he pulls out a small box wrapped in old christmas wrapping paper. He trudges back to the bed, sitting at the edge next to Harry.

Harrys got his own gift bag on his lap too. "Hid it under the bed," he explains with a proud grin.

"Of course you did," Louis shakes his head.

"You can't blame me. We both know you like snooping."

Louis doesn't even bother fighting that. He would have if he had time. "Fair enough. We didn't have much time though."

"Had to still take precautions," Harry hums, "now come on, show me what you got me."

Louis sighs, handing Harry the box. "It's small but it reminded me of you when I saw it so I had to get it."

Harry places the bag on his lap to the side and starts tearing up the gift wrap. He opens up the box, revealing a ring with a perfectly cut emerald in the middle.

"Louis," he breathes out, "it's beautiful."

"You really like it?" Louis asks, still a little unsure, hoping it's not too much.

"Yes," he says, pulling it out of the box and immediately sliding it onto his right ring finger, like he just knew that was where it would fit.

"Add it to your collection," Louis chuckles, examining the massive rings Harry already has on. (Yes he sleeps with some of his rings on but Louis doesn't question it.)

"Yeah," he grins, "and it fits right in."

"I'm glad," Louis smiles at him, "now come on, give me mine."

"Oh, right," Harry places the paper and box to the side, grabbing his bag instead. He hands it to Louis, a shy smile on his face.

Louis opens it curiously, taking out the red tissue paper, revealing a box similar to the one Louis gave him in terms of colour but longer. He furrows his brows together, pulling out the box and lifting the lid opened.

"It's a pearl," Harry says, as if Louis can't already see that, "it's not your birthstone or anything but it is your rising sign's birth stone so," he shrugs, "I thought I'd get it for you."

"Astrology bullshit again," Louis laughs wetly. He can't but love it though. It's simple; just a pearl on a silver chain, yet somehow, Louis feels himself getting a little emotional about it.

"It's not entirely bullshit," Harry huffs, "anyways, I loved the pearl and it reminds me of you so I got it."

"The pearl reminds you of me?" Louis asks curiously.

"Yeah," Harrys cheeks flush red, "just, you know, special and only few people get to open it up and see just how special it is."

Louis sucks in a breath. That's--- that's a lot. Okay. He just called Louis special in what, honestly is, the most romantic way possible. Or he could be reading too into that. He prays that he is because Harry has a boyfriend god dammit.

"Is that--- it's weird, innit?" Harry chuckles awkwardly. "Forget that I said any of that."

"No," Louis shakes his head despite himself, "it's why I chose the emerald--- sort of."

He realises then that he'd searched up sepcific gems to get for Harry, figuring out what suited him the best. He knew Harry has had a thing for gem stones, crystals and what have you and he kept that in mind while searching for a Christmas present.

"What do you mean?" Harry asks, gaze intent on Louis.

"I mean," he lets out a breath, "an emerald represents strength and peace and a great bond and its unique, just like you are."

"Plus, the green reminds me of your eyes," he adds as an afterthought with a small laugh.

"Oh," is what Harry replies with, "well, I--- I love it."

"Yeah?" Louis asks, still unsure.

"Yes," Harry reiterates, "thank you so much."

"Thank you," Louis says, "help me put it on?"

Harry blinks at him briefly before nodding. He places the gift bag aside and turns so that his back is facing Harry, handing him the necklace.

Harrys fingers brush the strands of hair at the nape of neck ever so lightly before clasping the necklace around his neck. Louis ignores the goosebumps on his arms as he turns around again.

"Thanks, H," he says again.

It's not too long like Louis thought it would be and that makes him love it even more. It's not too short either. Louis has never been a fan of those choker-type necklaces anyways.

"You're welcome. And thank you again," he smiles down at his new ring, "I'm never taking it off."

For some reason, Louis' heart flutters at the thought. Even if Harry somewhere along the line gets engaged to someone else, he'll always have a part of Louis with him, before anyone else has.

That's kind of a messed up thought to have. Very messed up. Okay.

"Breakfast?" Louis asks, jumping up from the bed and onto his feet.

"Uh, okay," Harry gets up too, "I'll clean up a bit and you can brush your teeth in the mean time, you need it."

Louis makes an affronted noise, swatting Harry's arm. "All right. You're not any better, just so you know."

Harry rolls his eyes. "You've kissed me in those mornings where I've probably tasted worse."

Louis' heart speeds up. He laughs. "That's gross," he says, turning around, "see you downstairs smelly."

He heads to the bathroom, Harry's giggling echoing in his ears.

Breakfast is much like the past two days, just a little less grand, more leftovers than anything honestly.

"The girls and I want to visit Aunt Katie later today. She invited us for a late lunch."

"Oh," Louis grimaces, "count me out on that visit."

"She's not that bad," Daisy comments.

"You're only saying that because she gives you fancy, expensive presents," Louis raises a brow at her, as if challenging her to argue.

"She's nice," Phoebe argues instead.

"She's homophobic," Louis replies back, flat and uninterested.

"What has she said to you?" Daisy asks, eyebrows furrowed.

"She doesn't necessarily say things in an obvious way. She also acts... strangely with me. Ugh, she's horrible," Louis wrinkles his nose.

"But sh---"

"Dais, she is, trust me," Fizzy cuts her off sharply, "not every homophobic person has to be it in an obvious way. You didn't see how she was when Louis came out."

Louis passes her a grateful smile.

"Why do we still visit her then?" She frowns.

Louis truly doesn't know why his mum still does. After Louis had come out to his family, he'd invited a boyfriend over for dinner the night she came over. And she'd passed them daggers all night.

If Louis held his hand over the table, she would glare at their hands intertwined with a wrinkled nose then look away. Louis didn't miss the countless other things she'd done throughout the night.

And it didn't stop there. When they'd visit her again she would ask Louis, "still gay then?" And play it off as a 'joke' but Louis knew better. It was the way she'd say it.

"It's just to be polite," his mum answers, "and Dan gets along with her husband."

"Where is he anyway?" Louis asks, realising he hasnt seen Dan since yesterday afternoon.

"He got called in to do something for work and came home quite late so he's catching up on some sleep. Once he's awake and ready, we'll leave."

"Called in to work on Christmas day," Ernie scoffs to himself, "honestly who does that?"

Louis stares at him, amused.

"Louis had stuff to do for work yesterday too," Harry chimes in, taking a sip of his juice.

"What, really?" Jay asks, frowning.

"It's an important case," Louis defends, "I had to take the call."

"Companies have no boundaries," Fizzy complains.

"And you love your career too much. Even if it wasn't important, you would have still taken it," Phoebe says, giving him a pointed look.

Louis winces. She's not wrong. He probably would have. Sue him, he just loves his job. He's always put his career first and that won't change any time soon. He's worked hard to get where he is.

"She's right," Harry says, "you love working too much."

Louis rolls his eyes. "Yes, okay, sue me for loving my job."

There's a momentary silence between them until his mum speaks again.

"How's work going for you, Harry?" She asks.

"Um, it's all right," he shrugs, ending there.

Louis frowns. Harry, for as long as Louis has known him, loves his job too. Maybe not to the extent that Louis does, but still loves it all the same. He loves his kids and loves working with them.

He makes a mental note to ask Harry about it later. It's the first time he's seen any indication of Harry perhaps not being happy with what he's doing.

He brushes it off for now, sipping on the last bit of his now cold tea.

The girls, Ernie and Dan leave about half an hour later, leaving Harry and Louis to themselves. They stand in the entrance hallway, Harry slowly turning to Louis, pushing his hands into his back pockets.

"So," he starts, "now what?"

"I don't know," Louis tilts his head thoughtfully, "what do you feel like doing?"

"Honestly? Anything that'll distract me from overthinking things right now."

Oh. Yes, Aaron. He's probably thinking about the fact that Aaron might be cheating on him.

"When last have you been to a playground?" Louis asks.

Harry knits his brows together, a smile tugging on his face. "Um, not since I was in year seven, maybe? Why?"

"Grab your coat and phone," Louis instrcuts, "we're going to a playground."

They go to the one in the park nearby Louis' house. It's normally a ten minute walk but Louis didn't want to make them walk while its cold out.

Harry stuffs his hands into his coat pockets, huffing out a puff of cold air. "Louis, are you finally going mad?" He asks as they walk towards the monkey bars.

Louis ignores him. He turns to face Harry. "Were you able to do these when you were a kid?" He asks, gesturing towards the monkey bars with a tilt of his head.

Harry shrugs. "I think so. Why?"

Louis smirks. "Make sure your gloves are on tight and be prepared to lose."

Harry looks at him like he's growing another head. "Are you serious?"

Louis shrugs nonchalantly, going towards one of the monkey bars and rubbing his hands together in preparation. "The trick is to get a firm grip on the second one," he says, "come on now."

Harry huffs out a laugh, shaking his head but going to the second set of monkey bars next to Louis anyway. "I can't believe I'm actually doing this," he mumbles to himself, extending his arms up.

Louis grins wolfishly, doing the same thing. He starts counting down. "Okay, three, two..." before he gets to one, he starts moving.

"Hey," he hears Harry whine. Louis laughs breathlessly, moving over the monkey bars. He realises how unfit he'd become during the past few years but he does manage to finish before Harry, jumping onto the ground when he gets to the end.

"Ha," Louis walks to the end of Harry's just as he's reaching there, "beat ya."

Harry rolls his eyes, pushing himself onto the ground, a little closer to Louis than Louis'd expected. So close, in fact, that Louis can smell the faint mint and orange juice from this morning on his breath.

His smile leaves his face. Harry gives him a look, eyes darting from Louis' eyes to his lips, swallowing. Despite the cold, Louis' feels his whole body heat up.

"You... you cheated," Harry finally says, voice croaky, before stepping aside.

"I didn't," Louis responds, finding his voice and laughing softly, "you're just a sore loser."

Harry rolls his eyes, flipping Louis off. "Wanna see who can go the highest on the swings?" He asks jovially.

Louis grins to himself. His mission has been accomplished then, aside from their little awkward moment that Louis will do well to ignore now.

Through everything they'd experienced and gone through together, Louis will never forget the little things that make Harry happy.

He remembers Harry telling him that his first kiss with his crush was on a playground. That boy ended up breaking his heart and Louis, wanting to take any heartache away from Harry, took him to the park for their fourth date where he'd kissed him silly while he sat at the end of a slide that he was much too big for.

Harry was so touched by the gesture. He told Louis a few months after that that playgrounds had become his favourite thing.

That night ended in them sleeping together for the first time and needless to say, they were hard to tame after that.

Their sex has always been... exciting, exhilarating--- _passionate_. And god, Louis needs to stop thinking about when they used to have sex. For God's sake, what's gotten into him?

"Louis, come on," Harry beckons him over from where he's sat on the rickety swingset.

"I don't know, H. Do you think that will hold both of us? It's pretty old."

Louis walks closer to the swingset, examining the rust developing on the bars of set. He grimaces.

"Chickening out?" He challenges with a raised brow.

"Are you serious?" Louis deadpans, "do you want us to die?"

Harry rolls his eyes, hands tighetning on the chains on either side of him. "That's a touch dramatic, dont you think?"

"Harry, if it falls then we fall with it," Louis sighs.

"So let's fall then," Harry shrugs, in such a nonchalant manner, it kind of worries Louis.

Louis shakes his head in disbelief. "You're ridiculous," he huffs.

"You started this so now you have to finish it," Harry states, chin turned up.

"Fine," Louis accepts, "if we die I will blame you."

"If we die, you have no one to blame because you'll be dead," Harry giggles to himself.

Louis grumbles under his breath, taking a seat next to Harry, hearing the swing squeak under his weight. He swallows, praying that this bloody thing doesn't give out over them.

It doesn't. At least not for the first few minutes. When they both swing up, the whole set moves off the ground ever so slightly.

They both widen their eyes, looking at each other. Louis jumps off, landing onto the ground because he is not taking that risk anymore.

Harry however, is still swinging back and forth, a wide grin on his face. "Ha, I win," he cheers, his growing hair whipping in the wind.

Louis sighs, shaking his head fondly. "All right, somehow that constitutes as you winning now will you please get off that hazardous swingset?"

Harry shakes his head. "No," he replies petulantly.

Louis sighs tiredly. "God, H, come on," he says, laughing a little.

Harry doesn't reply, instead, he swings his legs and goes up a little higher which of course causes the whole bloody thing to move with him. He at least looks a little worried about that. But he still doesn't stop.

"Harry," Louis says, a little more than worried now.

And then it happens quickly. When Harry goes up into the air again, the swingset moves too much. Harry lets out a sound of surprise, jumping clumsily off the seat and right into Louis, knocking him down onto the ground.

Harry lands on top of Louis, Louis letting out an 'oof' when his back meets the ground. He groans, feeling the ache in his back already.

"Shit," Louis curses. He hears Harry laughing--- fucking laughing--- on top of him.

"I'm sorry," Harry apologises, giving him an apologetic smile. He hovers over Louis, arms on either side of Louis' face.

Louis sighs again, looking up at him. It feels... heavy, almost, between the two of them. Harrys eyes look crystal green, almost and his lips are bitten red while his cheeks are pink.

Harry swallows, like he did earlier. "Did you hurt your head?" He asks Louis, moving to get off of him, thankfully ending the moment.

Louis attempts to sit up, wincing. "Think I did," he carefully touches the back of his head.

"Let me see," Harry dusts himself off, extending a hand out for him. Louis accepts it, getting onto his feet too.

Louis turns around while Harry moves strands of hair from the back of his head, slowly and gently. Louis blames the goosebumps on the cold.

"You have a bit of a bump," Harry concludes, his thumb running over a spot that aches as he does so. Louis is guessing that's the bump.

"Great," Louis mumbles, rubbing the back of his head.

"I'm sorry," Harry stands in front of him again, a pinch between his brows, "we'll get you some heat on your bump and some on your back when we get home."

Louis nods, a headache forming near his eyes. He squeezes his eyes shut, feeling a little dizzy.

"Lou?"

"Feeling a little dizzy," Louis answers, "we should head home."

"Give me the keys. I'll drive back," Harry instructs.

Louis pulls out the keys from his coat pocket and into Harry's hand.

"Come on," Harry guides him to the car with a hand on the small of his back. Louis hisses with pain. "Shit, I'm so sorry, Lou."

"'S fine," Louis mumbles back.

When Louis sits down, he let's out a breath, his back feeling better already. He guides Harry back home, finding his mum's car in the driveway.

Thank god because Louis is sure he has a concussion. Harry helps him into the house again, his mum immediately rushing to them, a worried look on her face.

"What happened?" She asks, studying Louis.

"Um," Harry starts hesitantly.

"I fell off a swing," Louis says before Harry can say anything. He sees Harry give him a look that he ignores.

Daisy giggles from where she's standing near the entrance of the living room.

"You what?" She asks, frowning, "why on Earth---" she cuts herself off, shaking her head, "--- never mind, tell me what happened?"

"He's got a bump on the back of his head," Harry explains, "and his lower back in sore."

"I feel dizzy," Louis says, almost whimpering.

"Oh dear," she sighs, "go up to your room and I'll be there soon to check it out."

Louis obeys, making sure Harry is behind him. Harry helps him sit down on the bed as if he's an old man who can't walk properly.

Jay examines the bruise and shines a torch in his eyes. She gives him a sorrowful look. "I think you have a concussion," she states, "do you want to throw up?"

"Now that you mention it," Louis mumbles, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"It's fine, love. We'll give you some meds and if you need throw up then you can. You might want to lay down though."

Louis nods. "Thanks, mum. Lucky you're a nurse, ey?" He jokes.

She passes him a stern look but rolls her eyes playfully. "I'll bring you some meds. Lie down," she says, patting his thigh and walking out.

Louis moves slowly to lie down, still fairly propped up with the pillows. Harry is sitting at the foot of the bed, eyes on his lap. He hasn't said anything for a while.

Concerned, Louis pokes his thigh with his toe. Harry looks at him, a sad expression on his face.

"I'm sorry," he breathes out, "I was so stupid and--and I didn't listen to you when I should have."

"H, hey, it's okay," Louis is quick to reassure him because he looks like he's close to crying. This isn't what Louis pictured when he decided to cheer him up.

"It's not. I was stupid and now you're hurt," he whines, eyes shimmering. Jesus. Please don't cry, Louis thinks.

"Harry, it's all right, love. You were stupid but we all are sometimes. You were just having fun like you were supposed to and---" he stops, pausing to look at him.

"And?" Harry prompts.

"And I haven't seen you smile and let loose like that in a long time," he finishes with a soft smile, "now come lay down next to me and take care of me if you want to make it up to me."

Harry smiles, small and timid, but obliges, carefully laying down next to Louis, turned to face him, arms folded underneath his head.

Louis turns to him too, realising he probably shouldnt put pressure on his bump.

"Do you want to throw up?" Harry asks him softly, "I'll bring the bin closer?"

"It's literally right next to me," Louis says, amused.

"Still," Harry grumbles, a pinch between his brows.

"I'm fine, honestly. Laying down is helping," he says honestly.

Harry nods, still looking slightly dubious. Luckily, his mum comes in with a few pills in her hand and hands it to Louis with a glass of water.

He's slow to sit up properly, Harry helping him with a hand around his arm.

"Right, love. You should rest now," his mum says, pushing a little bit of his hair back.

"I will," he nods, slipping down again.

"Can I stay with him?" Harry asks.

Louis wants to laugh at how silly it sounds; like he's ten and asking to sleep over at his friend's house with those big pleading eyes.

"All right, dear," she says with a small laugh, "no funny business," she warns with a playful glare.

Louis widens his eyes at her, like he's scolding her but Harry just laughs beside him.

"Promise," he says to her. She walks out, shutting the door behind her. Harry turns to Louis, who is on his side again.

"I really am sorry," Harry says again, seriously.

"Don't worry about it," Louis mumbles, "consider us even for the time I popped a champagne bottle and it hit your eye."

Harry snorts. "I had to wear an eye patch for over a week," he huffs, "and it didn't help that you and Niall kept making pirate jokes during that time."

Louis smiles smugly. "I made up for it in kisses though," he stupidly blurts out.

Harry bites his lip, scanning Louis' face like he'd done in the playground.

"I could never stay mad at you because of that," he says softly.

Louis smiles weakly. "Must have been my superpower," he chuckles.

"Must have," Harry hums, "you should get some rest."

Louis nods, ignoring the sinking feeling in his tummy. Honestly, what did he expect? Harry is still with someone else for Christ's sake. And he loves Aaron. He wouldn't kiss Louis. Louis is stupid to think that he would.

Besides, even if they did kiss, it would just open an ugly can of worms that Louis isn't sure he could deal with, given their history. It'll all become too complicated and then what?

Pushing any further thoughts away, he shuts his eyes, feeling Harry's stare on him.

Sighing, Louis says, "you can't stare at me like that if I'm trying to sleep."

"Sorry," Harry bites back a smile, "I'll turn the other way."

He turns so that his back is facing Louis and then, Louis finds it easier to sleep. Within seconds, he's out cold.

When he wakes up, he finds Harry next to him still, just on his phone with a frown on his face and sitting up, legs underneath him. He notices Louis stirring and locks his phone, the frown disappearing, a smile replacing it.

"Hi. How are you feeling?" He asks Louis.

"Fine," Louis shrugs, "what were you doing?" He can't help but ask. Whatever he was doing on his phone didn't seem to make him too happy.

"Nothing," he huffs, "do you need some water?"

Louis sighs. He isn't willing to talk about it. At least, not right now. "Yeah," he says instead, pushing himself up.

"I'll get it," Harry says, wiggling himself off the bed and to Louis' side where a glass sits on the nightstand.

"Harry, it's literally right next to me," Louis laughs.

"Yeah, yeah," he waves him off, passing him the glass and sitting down near Louis' thighs. "Do you need anything else?"

"I'm fine," Louis shakes his head.

"Are you sure? Do you want something to eat? I think your mum is making supper."

"Harry, take a breath," he says, smiling, "I'm good."

"Okay," Harry breathes out, "but if you need anything..."

"I know where to find you," Louis smirks.

Harry rolls his eyes.

Louis can't stop himself from smiling fondly. Harry's always been like this. Louis remembers when he had the flu five months into their relationship and Harry took a half day off from work to aid to a sick Louis.

He'd made Louis soup, tucked him into bed, checked his fever every few hours and ate chocolate cake on Louis' bed with him. He'd even given Louis a small kiss. Louis was worried he'd get sick but Harry didn't seem to care, set on taking care of Louis.

He did end up getting sick only a few days after Louis'd gotten better but again, he claimed that he didn't care. Ever since then, he'd always take care of Louis whenever Louis fell ill, even after they'd broken up. And Louis did the same for him.

Granted, when he'd started dating Aaron, it changed a bit. He couldn't be there for Louis all the time like he normally was and Louis couldn't be there for him all the time either. It was understandable. He had a boyfriend there to take care of him after all.

His mum ends up bringing Louis some toast and soup and Harry joins him again, sitting next to him again. They eat in silence until Louis remembers Harry saying something earlier.

"Hey, what's going with your job?" Louis asks.

Harry pauses, spoon in his hand, looking down at his souo. "Um, it's not--- it's nothing major..."

"But?"

"I don't know," Harry huffs, "I love working with kids so much but sometimes I wonder if it's enough."

"What do you mean enough?" He asks curiously, placing the bowl on his lap.

"Like," Harry huffs, eyes still on his bowl on his lap, "Aaron has such a good position at his company and he travels a lot and you do too--- even Niall does--- I can't help but feel like I'm not... as accomplished."

"H," Louis starts, placing his bowl on the nighstand and turning to him, "do you like your job still?"

Harry finally looks up at him. "I love working with kids," he says, "and I do like teaching them."

"Then that's all that matters. You're good enough--- more than. You're helping kids get an education. That's important."

Harry chuckles wetly. "They're five and six-year-olds."

"The foundation," Louis emphasises, "that's important."

Harry doesn't say anything in return so Louis continues.

"If you're happy with what you do and love it, you're more than accomplished. Not everyone can say they're doing what they love. I know you love your kids."

"I do," Harry says quietly.

"Do you remember what you told me when I was applying for jobs back when we were dating? When I was scared that I won't be successful."

Harry smiles slowly, nodding. "If you're happy doing what you do, then nobody can tell you you're not successful."

Louis gives him a pointed look. "See. Take your own advice sometimes, won't you?"

Harry lets out a small laugh. "Thanks, Lou," he says, "I don't know how you do it."

Louis reaches down and squeezes Harry's knee gently. "You're welcome."

"Are you feeling any better? Did you finish your soup?" Harry asks.

Ah. There's mother hen Harry again.

"Yes, mum, I have," Louis sighs, rolling his eyes, "and I'm feeling okay."

"Okay?" Harry repeats, brows creasing.

"I'm fine," Louis amends, "now finish your soup."

Harry lets out a breath, lifting his bowl again and sipping it from the edge. The spoon hits the edge of his nose as he tilts the bowl. Harry frowns, pulling it away and wiping his mouth with his sleeve.

Louis giggles next to him, shaking his head. "You're ridiculous," he says fondly.

"Thanks," he grins in a dorky way that makes Louis' heart flutter and he wishes he didn't. He ignores it just like he has been with everything else thats happened recently. He has to.

***

Louis' mum says that he has to go to the doctor's just to examine that bump and make sure there's no swelling the next morning. There isn't, luckily. And by the evening, his head already feels better.

It's a lazy sort of day today. They did nothing aside from checking Louis' bump at the hospital earlier and they'd just finished up the leftover food for lunch.

So by the time supper time comes around, Louis' stomach gives a loud rumble that catches everyones attention.

Harry giggles from where he's sitting, at Phoebe's feet where she's working on braiding his short hair.

"Hungry, love?" His mum asks, pausing her knitting.

"Yeah," Louis pouts.

"Good. Go make your own food then," she smirks.

Harry barks out a laugh while Louis looks at his mother, offended.

"Mum," he whines.

"Oh, come on, you're thirty-two. Go and make your own supper," she huffs.

"I have an idea," Harry chimes in before Louis can reply, "Lou and I can make some pizza for everyone."

"Everyone?" Louis asks, shocked.

"Yes," Harry gives him a pointed look, "since your family have been such great hosts, it's only fair."

Louis refrains from pouting again. He's hungry now. If he has to cook for everyone, it'll take ages. "Fine," he says instead.

"Great," Harry gets up, "let's go make some pizza."

"That's wonderful. Thank you, Harry," Jay says with a soft smile then looks at Louis, "see," she says with a pointed look directed at him.

Louis grimaces, walking to the kitchen and switching the oven on.

"Make sure it's on 180," Harry says, reaching for the tray from a cabinet. Louis didn't even know they stay there.

"It is," he replies, "which pizza are we making?"

"Ours," he says with a smile.

Ours. Right. They liked a half and half pizza. Harry liked his with caramelized onions and pepper and Louis liked his with pepperoni.

"Okay," he goes to the fridge for some onions and peppers, then cutting board and knife.

"I'll make the dough and you---"

"Get the toppings ready, I know," Louis finishes with a soft smile.

"Louis, you can't eat half of the toppings. Since when do you eat raw onions?" Harry grimaces.

They're only a few minutes into making the pizza but Louis is hungry. He can't help it.

"Since I'm being starved," Louis says, pointedly eating a pepper.

"Go make a quick sandwich then, come on," Harry shoos him away, placing the onions into a pot.

Louis sighs, getting out the bread and peanut butter, making a sandwich and practically devouring it with one bite.

When he turns around again, Harry is stirring the onions in the pot, distractedly reading something on his phone in his other hand.

"What are you doing?" Louis asks. He remembers the same look on Harrys face when hed woken up yesterday after resting and spotted Harry sitting up, his phone in his hand too.

"Nothing," he says, like yesterday, pushing his phone into his pocket again.

"No phones remember?" Louis reminds him gently, "you've broken it already."

Harry gives him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, I just--- I don't know, I had an urge to."

"Resist," Louis says, "I haven't checked mine other than the work call."

Like it's planned, Daisy comes into the kitchen, Louis' phone in her hand. "Someone keeps calling," she explains to him, handing him his phone.

Louis frowns. He sees that he has five missed calls. "Thanks, Dais."

"Is something wrong?" Harry asks him.

"It's work again," Louis sighs. He wants to see what's happening, because he knows it has to be important and he did tell Harry that work will be an exception.

"Call them," Harry tells him.

"Would seem like a hypocrite then, wouldn't I?" Louis laughs.

"I understand. You said only for work and you haven't been on your phone other than that so it's okay."

Louis sighs. He nods slowly, calling back his colleague, Oliver.

"What happened?" Harry asks a few minutes later, once Louis' hung up.

Louis sighs. "They want me at work on the twenty-ninth and thirtieth," he says.

Harrys face falls. Louis hates that it does. He knows Harry's been having fun here, despite the injuries he caused.

"Why?" He asks Louis.

"They have an emergency with the client--- it's a long story," he huffs, pinching the bridge of his nose, "I'm sorry, I have to be there."

"I know," Harry says quietly, looking down at the sizzling onions, "career first."

Louis would take that as a bit of a dig and maybe he kind of already does but before he can even say anything about it, Harry speaks again.

"So tomorrow is our last day? Or is it today?"

"We can leave tomorrow morning. I only need to be at work tomorrow by midday."

"Is it really an emergency then?" Harry asks, eyebrow arched.

"John is covering for me till tomorrow midday so yes, it is, unfortunately."

Harry purses his lips, nodding.

"I'm sorry, H. I know you're having fun here but hey, we'll have fun New Years too, won't we? At Zayn and Liam's."

"We will," he smiles, though it doesn't reach his eyes, "you should tell your family. "

Louis nods. "I'll tell them while we're eating."

Harry nods back, taking out the onions and placing them on one side of two pizzas. Louis walks up to him carefully. Harry raises an eyebrow in question.

"Come here," Louis opens his arms up. Harry smiles softly, falling into the hug effortlessly, arms tight around Louis' shoulders.

"I'm sorry we have to leave early," he sighs, rubbing his broad back, "I really wish I didn't have to go."

"I know, Lou. It's okay," he pulls away, smiling at him, "it's your work."

"Yeah," he exhales. He loves his work but sometimes, it can be so exhausting. It demands such odd hours more often than not that Louis forgets how to breathe sometimes. This trip home really helped him remember, despite the injuries caused.

Louis tells his family while they eat dinner at the table. His mum compliments Harry on the thin crust dough he'd made and Louis blurts it out afterwards.

"That work of yours," his mum huffs in disappointment, "they never let you rest, I swear."

"It's for a good cause," Louis smiles weakly, "and I'll visit soon."

"You're taking Harry with too?" Daisy asks with a pout.

Jesus. They really all do love Harry more than him.

"Harry was supposed to help me with my dollhouse," Doris protests.

"I can still do that," Harry says quickly, "we'll be here till tomorrow morning."

"Okay," she mumbles, going back to her pizza.

"I'm going to miss all of you too," Louis grumbles, looking away.

"They'll miss you too," Harry whispers, winking at him.

After they eat, Harry and Louis head upstairs to pack up their suitcases and brush their teeth, getting ready for bed. Just as Louis decides to slip underneath the covers, Harry speaks.

"Remember when we stayed up watching the sun rise on the swing on the verander the last time we came to visit?"

Louis smiles at the memory. It was fucking freezing but they were drunk off their arses and somehow thought it would be a good idea. So they stayed up underneath three blankets, alcohol thrumming through their veins, adding warmth, cuddled close, talking shit and giggling into each other's mouths and before they knew it, the sun began to rise in front of them.

"Do you wanna do that again?" Harry asks, sucking in a breath afterwards, as if he's scared to know the answer.

"Seriously?" Louis asks, a little taken aback.

"Yeah," Harry shrugs, "there's still half a bottle of wine in the fridge too."

Louis swallows, nodding slowly before he even can even comprehend what's happening. Harry smiles.

"I'll take the blankets and you bring some snacks and the wine?" He suggests.

Louis nods, unable to find the words to speak right now. Harry's grin widens. Louis makes a move then to head back down as quietly as possible. It's already close to midnight now which is a little later than the last time they'd done this.

Grabbing the wine and a packet of popcorn with M&M's, Louis saunters to the patio, making sure his hoodie is on tight, finding Harry already snuggled beneath the blankets, his head peaking out.

"Come on, sit," he instructs, patting the spot next to him and moving the blankets for Louis.

Wordlessly, Louis sits down next to him, making sure there's a bit of space between them. They both face the outside of the house, the blistering cold already stinging Louis' cheeks. God, this was a horrible idea.

Harry grabs the wine from his hand, twisting the lid opened and taking a considerably large gulp of it. Louis frowns at him.

"You want to talk about something, H?" Louis asks, bringing the blankets up to his chin.

Harry sighs, leaning back against the swing, causing it to move slightly. He looks down, one hand on the neck of the wine bottle and the other underneath the blankets.

"I'm sorry about checking my phone constantly when we agreed not to. I just--- I keep waiting for him to reply but he isn't and I'm _scared_ , Louis," he lets out a shaky breath, "I don't know if I want this to end."

Louis takes in his words, nodding shortly. "Why... why do you so desperately want to hold onto this, H?"

It's something that's been bothering Louis--- he's not sure from when--- but it has. It's like Harrys clinging onto something that may not be there anymore and Louis can't figure out why.

Harry inhales sharply, glancing at Louis before taking another sip of the wine. "I'm not--- I love him," Harry says, the words making Louis' stomach turn and he's not sure why, "I know it's shit right now between us but I could always see a future with him and I don't want to just throw that all away. I want to work it out."

Louis still doesn't quite understand it but he doesn't push any further. Everyone thinks and feels differently after all. Who is he to judge?

"What are you hoping for? When we get back, I mean."

Harry shakes his head then shrugs. "Like I said, just to work it out."

"And if he doesn't want to?" Louis asks gently.

Harry swallows. He shrugs again. "I--- I don't know," he admits, "I guess we'll break up then and I'll be stuck, nowhere near where I wanted to be five years ago right now."

"Is that what this is about?" Louis huffs, turning a little to face Harry, "our discussion from over five years ago?"

Harrys cheeks turn a little more pink. "I--- a part of it, yes," he says quietly, "it's just, like, the reason why we broke up is because I wanted to be in a different place in my life right now but I'm not," he lets out a humourless laugh, "and it makes me think that we broke up for nothing because I'm not even where I wanted to be."

The revelation shocks Louis a bit. He'll admit that he's thought the same thing before but-

"Harry, even if you aren't right now, it doesn't change what you want in the future. That was the point of our whole discussion years ago, remember? It was just about what we both wanted in the future and you and I wanted different things. It wasn't meant to be _exactly_ fiver years from then."

"I guess," he says eventually, "but it's like... I'm so close now, you know? Or at least, I thought I was? I don't know."

"Harry, I've said this before but you can't rush things like that. If it's meant to happen, it'll happen. You just have to have a little faith and wait a bit."

"I'm tired of waiting," Harry lets out a frustrated huff, "my whole life I left my fate--- my future--- to the universe, hoping that things will happen when they're supposed to happen but now--- now I want to do this for myself. I'm tired of waiting only for nothing to happen."

Louis doesn't know how to reply to that so he keeps quiet for a while. Then a thought occurs to him.

"You saw a future with us, didn't you? Back when you asked where we see ourselves five years from then and you said you wanted to be married, you saw us being married?"

The question leaves a loaded tension in the air. Slowly, Harry nods. "I did," he confirms, "which is why I had to ask."

"But I cocked it all up," Louis sighs, the realisation burning a hole in his chest, "because I didn't want that."

Harry looks at him, eyes glistening in the moonlight. "Lou, it's okay," he says, ever so softly, "we're just different people, in that sense."

It's not okay though. For some reason, Louis wishes he'd answered differently. If he did, they could have been married by now. Jesus. The thought causes a bit of panic to rise in his mind. He's not--- he's not totally against commitment or anything. They'd dated for a year after all.

He just doesn't see the point in the whole marriage thing and while he loves kids, he just doesn't see himself having any of his own. Not any time soon, at least. Maybe one day in the future. _Maybe_.

"We did have it good though, didn't we?" Louis asks softly.

Harry nods with a small smile on his face. "We did," he says, "and I hope you know, even if I did make it seem like it, I don't regret it all. What we had--- it was really special."

"I know," Louis says, "I---"

Louis swallows. He isn't sure what to say. He feels like he has to handle the situation delicately. Instead, he grabs the bottle from Harry's hand and takes a sip of the bitter liquid, burning down his throat.

"Sorry for bringing all of this up," Harry says with a sheepish smile, "I guess being here brought up a lot of memories."

"It has, hasn't it?" Louis clears his throat, "and we're leaving here with more," he grins, nudging Harry's thigh with his own.

"We are," Harry smiles back, "thank you for bringing me here. I would have been miserable on my own if I'd stayed back."

"You're welcome. Even if you did cause me to get a concussion and a nasty back ache. It was totally worth it."

Harry chuckles. "I thought we agreed that it made up for when you hit my eye with the champagne cork."

"I didn't do it on purpose," Louis rolls his eyes, taking another sip.

"Well, I didn't bloody well give you a concussion on purpose either, did I?"

"How would I know? You can be vindictive sometimes, you know?"

Harry makes an affronted noise. "When have I ever?"

"Remember Mrs. Robertson?" Louis asks, raising an eyebrow at him.

Harry groans. "Please don't."

"Harry, you mailed her dog poop for stealing your TV guide," Louis says flatly.

Harry groans again, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Fine, but that was just a one time thing. Besides, what I would have against you?"

"The champagne thing," Louis says with a smirk, "you wanted your revenge, of course."

"Right, of course," Harry scoffs. He grabs the popcorn bag from between them and opens it beginning to much on it. When Louis does the same, Harry opens up the M&M's and pours it into the bag of popcorn.

Louis groans this time. "Fuck. Not this shit again."

"It tastes amazing and you know it," Harry ignores him, taking a handful of the popcorn M&M's mix and shoving it into his mouth.

Louis grimaces. "Right then, I'm going to stick with the wine," he mumbles, taking another sip of it.

They talk about the silliest of things after that. Some subjects get a little deep again, some close to home and surrounding their relationship too but by the time the sun starts to peak from the horizon, the ambers brightening up the sky, Louis is munching on the sweet and salty popcorn and the space between them has decreased, practically cuddling into each other now, a buzz flowing through both of them as they giggle about when they'd tried to have sex in the shower once but ended up with Harry spraining his ankle and Louis bruising his back.

Needless to say, they didn't try doing anything further than messy handjobs and blowjobs after that.

"You caused me a lot of injuries, haven't ya?" Louis laughs, shaking his head.

"Sorry," Harry turns, giggling into his shoulder, "our sex was still amazing though, wasn't it?"

Louis is reminded of when he'd gotten off thinking about Harry riding him when he'd gotten drunk with Niall a few weeks back. He swallows, nodding.

"Yeah, guess it was," Louis says softly.

"You know," Harry looks up at him, their faces inches apart, "exes who stay friends always have that one last hook-up because... you know, there's still like tension between them and stuff."

Louis' heart thuds wildly behind his ribcage. "And stuff," he echoes, "guess you're right, huh? And we... we never really..." he trails off, their lips a hair length away from each other.

This isn't--- it can't be happening and Louis knows this. He knows that at the back of his mind, Harry is still kind of with someone else and they'd ended years ago. Hooking up now would be the worst idea. It would cause so many issues in their friendship and it'll be awkward.

Before Louis makes the bad decision of leaning forward and connecting their lips, Fizzy's voice startles them, causing them to hastily pull away from each other.

"What the hell are you two doing up so early?" She asks, hair ruffled and voice thick with sleep.

"Just lost track of time," Louis shrugs, clearing his throat, "why are you up so early?"

"We could hear you two giggling from upstairs," she answers, rolling her eyes, arms crossed over her chest.

"Sorry," Harry winces.

"Did you sleep at all?" Fizzy asks, studying the two with a suspicious look on her face.

"No," Louis sighs, "we probably should though because we need to leave in a few hours."

"Shit, yeah," Harry looks at him, "sorry, I didn't even realise---"

"It's fine," Louis cuts him off with a shaky smile, "let's get some sleep, yeah?"

Harry nods, pulling the blankets off of them and getting up with Louis.

"I should get some more sleep too," Fizzy yawns, "don't be loud," she winks playfully, trudging back inside.

Normally, Louis would roll his eyes, maybe laugh but now, given what had almost happened a few minutes ago, he can only swallow a lump in his throat. Judging by Harry's pale face, he must feel the same way.

In a way, Louis is glad Fizzy interrupted them but a part of him--- arguably a bigger part--- feels disappointed.

He pushes away the disappointment because he has to. He _has_ to ignore it like he's been ignoring a lot of what he's been feeling lately.

They both walk back upstairs and get into bed without another word to each other. They sleep with their backs turned to each other, making sure there's enough space between them.

***

Harry is already awake and dressed by the time Louis opens his eyes. Hes standing at the foot of the bed, phone in his hand and shoulders hunched.

"H?" Louis calls out, gaining his attention. "What is it?"

Harry wordlessly walks to Louis, sitting down next to him, showing him his phone.

Louis blinks, adjusting to the brightness of Harry's screen, sitting up.

It's a message from Aaron that makes Louis' head spin.

_We do need to talk. I have a lot to explain to you, Harry. This whole thing has been a huge misunderstanding. Please let me know when you're back home so we can talk._

"I didn't mean to like check on him again or anything. I just wanted to messsage my mum and Gem to tell them that we're heading back and then..."

"Okay," Louis nods, "so now what?"

"Guess we'll talk when he's back," Harry mumbles, "I'll tell him I'm going back today and that's it."

"Okay," Louis says.

He isn't sure what else to say. There's a sinking feeling in his stomach for some reason. Deep down, he knows why but he can't admit it out loud.

It's just— they had a moment. They had _something_ last night. Hell, since they came here— even before that, perhaps. There's just... there's something between them still there, isn't it?

Louis squeezes his eyes shut, getting rid of the thought before it can take over.

"Okay?" Harry repeats, frowning.

"Harry, this is your relationship. What do you want me to say?"

It may have come out harsher than intended. Harry shakes his head, grabbing his phone back.

"Nothing. Never mind," Harry mutters, getting up, "it's almost eleven, you should get ready."

Before Louis can even reply, Harry is out the door, leaving Louis staring, confused. He sighs, rubbing his hands over his face. This is **_so_** fucking _confusing_.

The thing is though, at the end of the day, no matter happened— _almost_ happened— he's not with Harry. He hasn't been for years now. There's nothing he can say or do because he isn't Harry's happily ever after, is he? Harry's made it clear that he wants that with Aaron. So, why is he mad now?

If he bloody well wants to say or do something then he must do so on his own accord too.

\--- 

The next day, by twelve thirty exactly, Louis is in his office building. He's exhausted, even though Harry drove most of the way. He still had virtually no proper sleep and his mind has been wandering ever since their... Incident on the swing.

But, now is work time. He'd dropped off Harry and headed straight to work. The nagging voice in his head said that he should have at least talked to Harry before he let him go up to the flat.

But there's no use dwelling on that now, is there?

"Louis?" Michael, his boss, calls out. Louis raises his head. "Mind if I have a word with you?"

Louis frowns, trudging to his boss's office and shutting the door behind himself. He prays to God that he didn't miss a deadline or anything. Michael can be quite brutal.

"Sit, please," Michale gestures to the seat opsisite him, tucking himself against the desk.

Louis obliges, intertwining his hands over the table. "Anything I can help you with?"

"Not particularly. I just thought I should let you know that there's an opportunity available. A job opportunity that I think you'll be perfect for."

"Oh?" he asks, intrigued.

"Yes, it's a great position and you're familiar with the head of the firm, actually, Angela Owens."

"Oh, yes. I met a few times. We'd even worked together in court. But wait--" he pauses, eyebrows furrowed, "she's all the way in Edinburgh."

"Yes, that's the thing," Michael sighs, "I know that you don't have a family or anything here so I suggested that you'd be perfect for it but, I understand that you still have your mum and siblings that you want close by."

Louis really didn't think Michael knew that about him. "Um, I--- I mean, maybe?"

"You have some time to think about it. In fact, Angela herself invited you to come over and give you a tour, teach you the ins and outs before you make a decision."

"seriously?" he asks, surprised.

"Yes," he smiles, showing off his double tooth on the right corner of his smile, "that's why I'm saying, it's a great opportunity for you."

"Sure you just don't want to get rid of me?" Louis jokes.

Michael laughs. "You're on the best, Louis. I wouldn't. But, I trust Angela. Her firm is good and you'll do well there."

"God, yeah, well, I-- I really need to fucking think about this. I would love to do this but I do have to think some things through. Is that-- is that all right?"

"Yes. Though you have until January fourth because that's when Angela wants to start showing you around and whatnot, provided you take her up on the offer."

"Okay," Louis nods, "thank you so much, Michael. This really means a lot to me."

Michael gives him a warm smile. "No problem, mate. Hope you make a decision soon. Oh-- and obviously, the position in Edinburgh does pay more, if that wasn't clear enough."

"I figured," Louis smirks, "thanks again."

The thing is, the opportunity seems amazing, even more so when Louis scans the email Michael sends him, elaborating more of the job offer.

But, Louis has a lot to consider and it's such a short notice too. He has a family here, despite what Michael said. His friends: they've all become his family. He has Zayn, Niall, Liam, Harry. _Harry_. God.

There's still something they need to sort out between them and talk about and-- and really can he leave Harry? Edinburgh is far. It's not very far but it's far. Not everyone will be able to travel there all the time to visit and same goes for Louis. He won't be able to travel to visit them all the time.

What will happen to their pub nights? Their game nights? Their silly group traditions?

Louis sighs, closing the email and starting the car. He has less than a week to make a decision. Fucking peachy. And Louis is an indecisive mess.

Tiredly, when Louis gets home, he makes his way upstairs. When he opens the door, he expects to find Harry there but he's not.

Frowning, Louis calls out for him. It's not the biggest flat, so really, he should have heard. Curious, Louis searches the rest of the place, dropping his keys at the door, only to find the place empty. Literally no sign of Harry ever being here.

Louis pulls out his phone, checking if Harry sent any messages but finds none. A little annoyed, he presses the call button next to Harry's name.

It rings once then twice and thrice but he doesn't pick up.

"For fucks sake," Louis huffs, sitting on the bed. As soon as he does so, he feels a piece of paper crunch within the sheets.

Quickly, he gets up and searches for it. He finds a small piece of yellow paper near the pillow. Louis grabs it, opening it to see Harry's horrible handwriting scrawled across the paper.

_Hey Louis, sorry to leave so suddenly but Aaron called and we're meant to talk and I just couldn't wait any longer. I need to try and fix this relationship. Sorry again for leaving like this. Will call you soon. H_

Louis let's out a breath. Fuck. He's gone to sort out things with Aaron. Right. Fucking Aaron. Fuck. Louis is just-- he's just confused.

He's feeling things and he knows he shouldn't but he does. They had a moment for God's sake. That should have meant something. And now, Louis can't talk things out with him because he ran back to fucking Aaron.

Louis collapses onto the bed and shoves his face into a pillow, groaning. God, his life is in a turmoil right now.

___

Unfortunately, Louis doesn't hear from Harry for the next few days. But he knows that he'll see Harry at Zayn and Liam's new years party today.

He's been a bit distant, concentrating on his work for a bit because that's all he can do. If he thinks about... Other things... He might freak out and he doesn't know how to come back from that.

But of course, when he gets to Zayn and Liam's, they immediately ask him about Harry. Louis sighs, placing the bottle of champagne onto their kitchen counter.

"What about Harry?"

"You haven't said a thing since you two have been back and last we heard, Niall said Harry and Aaron are working things out. But then Harry isn't answering our calls," Liam says, sounding panicked.

"Liam, chill. We had a great time, okay? Amazing, actually," he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, "we-- we kind of had a moment."

"Moment?" Zayn asks, eyes wide.

"Wait, don't you have guests coming--"

"It doesn't matter, they can wait," Zayn waves it off, "anyways, tell us what happened. Last we heard, things between Aaron and him were basically over."

Louis sighs. "Honestly, I thought so too. He was kind of sad but we spent time together and it just-- it reminded me of when we were together and I think-- I think we just got caught up in it and we-- we almost kissed.. More than once really. But he's just... He's so set on wanting to be with fucking Aaron..."

"So, you're saying you finally realized you're still in love with him but he hasn't come to that realization yet?"

And-- what?

"Er... I didn't-- I said we had a moment."

He didn't say he's still... in love with him? That's not-- it's just a moment. Right?

"Louis," Zayn groans, "you've been having those bloody moments with him for ages."

"What?" he snorts.

"Think about it, mate. Your late night calls, cuddles, bloody wine and cereal dates-- everything has been a moment for you two. You just haven't realized it."

Well, fuck, Liam.

Surely that can't be true. That means--

"You're telling me I basically never stopped loving him?"

Because that's what it is, isn't it? They've been doing their wine and cereal thing ever since they became friends again that carried forward from their dating.

Could he really have been in love with him the whole time?

"You practically scowl at any mention of bloody Aaron," Zayn adds.

"Because he's a dick," Louis mumbles.

"While that may be true, you know that's not the point here," Zayn sighs, "Louis, tell me you've only just realized this."

"N-no. I'm not in l--" he cuts himself off.

He thinks about it. Really, really thinks about it. He thinks about the way Harry laughs, like he feels it with his whole body, the way he smiles, eyes bright. The way he looks at Louis and only Louis. How he saves the white wine in his flat for Louis even though he doesn't like it.

All he wanted to do since Harry came over to his was make him smile. He fucking went on monkey bars for him.

He thinks about that trip to Donny then, and how easily they just... Fit.

They fit together so fucking well. They're...they...can't... work.

"Well it doesn't matter even if I do, would it? We want different things and he's chasing after Aaron for God's sake."

"You don't know that. Maybe he also realized it and is breaking up with Aaron right now," Liam says enthusiastically.

"You guys just said that you heard from Niall that he's trying to work things out with Aaron."

And last Louis saw-- from Harry's note-- he wants to fix things with Aaron.

"It could be false information, you don't know," Liam pushes, "look, you have to be honest with him."

Louis swallows, sweat gathering on his forehead. He let's out a breath. "Okay, well, say I do, then what? I mean I have this great opportunity at Edinburgh and I'm really considering taking it. What would happen then?"

Fuck, he's way in over his head right now. This is _insane_.

"Woah. Wait. Edinburgh?" Liam asks, eyebrows furrowed.

"Fuck. Um, yeah. I--- I got the job offer literally the day I came back and I have until the fourth to make a decision."

"You didn't tell us that, Louis what the fuck?" Zayn slaps his shoulder.

"I only found out two days ago," he scowls.

"Jesus," Zayn huffs, "at least you're not denying that you're in love with Harry so I fucking hope you tell him the truth tonight."

"You know, there's a possibility he may not feel the same way."

Louis doesn't believe it though. He can't. That chemistry, the pull between them. He couldn't have just imagined it. He could _see_ that Harry felt it too. He leaned in for that kiss too.

"Wait, how long are you leaving us for?" Liam asks, eyebrows knitted together.

"Michael said it's a five-year contract," he says, "but I--I don't know if I should even take it yet."

"Why not?"

"I can't just leave you guys," Louis says, looking at the two of them, "I can't--- what if I work out things with Harry? Whatever that may be."

"Look, I know you, Louis. You look excited about this. You love to travel and you love your job. If this is something you really want, then I'm sure you'll get all of our support." Liam says, smiling.

"But you still want me to tell Harry that I-- I--"

"You're still in love with him?" Zayn asks, quirking a brow at him.

"Still feel something for him," Louis amends. He's better with that. He can get on board with that without panicking.

"I think you need to be honest. Whether that means you wait to be together or not, I think you two need to talk because I know he feels something for you too," Liam says.

"How can you be so sure? "

Liam shrugs." I just am."

Louis sighs. "He could not choose me. And that's a huge possibility. We still want different things."

Zayn sighs, leaning against a counter. "He could, you're right. But he could also choose you and you two can work something out. It doesn't have to be so complicated."

"Zayn, he wants to be married. Like, _now,"_ Louis laughs, "I don't."

Zayn purses his lips as a sad realization takes over. A lump forms in his throat and his heart stutters. No matter what either of them feel, they can never _work_.

They still want different things and Louis is so keen on taking this job offer in Edinburgh for God's sake. What does he expect to happen?

Harry moving with him? Waiting for each other? It's ridiculous.

And there's no way he can refuse this offer, if he's being honest with himself. It's a great opportunity and he'll be a fool to decline. His own boss recommended him for God's sake. How often does that happen?

"Fuck," Louis sighs, wiping a hand over his face, "I'm screwed either way."

"But maybe--"

"No, Z. You don't get it," he sighs, "this is not gonna work I'm just kidding myself, honestly."

"Well, why don't you let him decide too? He still deserves to know and he can make a decision from there."

God, Zayn is persistent.

"If he finds out and feels the same then what?" He feels like he's a broken record. "Nothing can happen. We're different and I'm leaving and I don't want either one of us to wait. As it is, he's panicking because he's supposed to be married by now, according to him. And you want me to tell him to wait another five years?" He asks, raising an eyebrow at them.

"He doesn't have to wait. Long distance can work," Liam offers.

"Yeah, Louis, you're worth that, you know?"

Louis runs his hand through his hair, exhaling heavily. It doesn't matter what they say, Louis just can't see any scenario between them working out right, and this all if he feels the same. What happens if he doesn't? They didn't consider that. Yes, Louis has a feeling he does but he could also be wrong. Maybe Harry was just sad and Louis was familiar and he needed comfort.

God, Louis feels like his head is going to _burst_.

Of course, that's when Niall, Harry and bloody Aaron come. So, he's still there.

"Hello, fuckers," Niall greets loudly, walking to them, "we having a party in the kitchen then? Why does everyone look so dead? What happened?" He asks, scanning their faces.

"Nothing, mate," Liam purses his lips into a smile.

"Well, good because Harold has some news," Niall says, smirking at him and Aaron.

"Uh, we don't have to—" Harry starts but Aaron cuts him off.

"We're engaged," Aaron says, grabbing Harry's hand and raising them up.

Louis' heart drops. He feels the colour drain from his face, eyes caught on the diamond shimmering in the dim kitchen light.

"What?" Zayn asks, looking just as confused and lost as Louis feels.

Harry looks down bashfully. "Um, yeah, we're engaged."

"Come on, babe. Don't be shy," Aaron nudges his ribs, smiling in that way only Aaron can.

"Holy shit, um," Liam blinks, "that's— that's— wow."

"Calls for celebration!" Niall cheers, "so, let's get this party started."

Everything kind of becomes a blur after that. He watches Aaron pull Harry aside once more guests start piling in and everyone else scatters away. Zayn stays by him, asking him if he's fine and Louis can only respond by drinking whatever is in his hand. He doesn't even remember getting a drink.

"Louis, I'm so sorry," Liam says, eyes sad, "fucking hell, I wasn't expecting that."

"Yeah, I don't understand. I thought they were fighting. How the hell did that happen?" Zayn huffs, like he's frustrated.

"I don't fucking know," it's the first time Louis finds his voice to even say something, "I fucking told you guys—" he sighs, leaning back, "god, what the fuck."

"This doesn't seem... right," Liam frowns.

"Well, none of this fucking matters anymore, does it?" Louis shakes his head.

"Louis—"

"No, it's fine. Zayn, this is your party. Honestly, don't even worry about me. It's fucking almost midnight you should be out there."

"It's eleven," he says flatly, "and I can't leave you like this."

Just as Louis opens his mouth to reply, none of other than Harry Styles walks into the kitchen again, a drink in his hand and sheepish look on his face.

"Harry," Zayn says, "so, you're engaged now, huh?" He wastes no time, getting to it.

Harry glances at Louis, clearing his throat. Louis looks down.

"Yeah, last we heard you guys were fighting," Liam says, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Um, so, yeah. I spoke to Aaron about everything because he said he wanted to speak when I got back and he-- he said he was acting all weird because he wanted to propose..." Harry explains to the group.

"Huh?" Zayn asks, confused. And, yeah, that doesn't make any bloody sense.

"Remember I said he was being secretive? Well, it's because he had the ring and I was being really pushy about everything and he panicked and freaked out on me. I accused him of things which he obviously wasn't happy about because all he wanted to do was find a way to propose, but he said that the trip at his parents made him realize that he wants me and he... Basically got his head out of his ass and realised he should fucking do it instead of waiting for a perfect moment because they don't exist, in his own words. So, yeah, he proposed when we met up again."

So, what? Does Harry just forget all the shit he went through because of him? Louis purses his lips, looking down. What the fuck can he really say now? It's too fucking late, honestly. Harry said yes. What can Louis do?

"So he proposed when you got back and then everything was okay again?" Liam asks.

"Um, yeah? He apologised for everything and explained himself and he asked me to marry him and, um, I said yes of course because I realised I was being a bit pushy and I was jumping to conclusions instead of hearing him out. He wasn't wrong about that."

_Of course_ , he said yes. Louis wants to scoff. He'll push away the pain and let the anger take over right now because it's better that way. Leave it up to the universe to make Louis realize he's had feelings for Harry this whole fucking time only for Harry to come in minutes later, engaged to someone else.

"So, celebration is in order then," a girl who Louis vaguely recognized cheers. She raises a glass. Right, she wasn't here when Niall wanted to bloody celebrate too. "To Harry and Aaron, may you guys live happily every after."

Louis does sort of snort at that. Happily ever after indeed, he thinks, gulping down his champagne. After that, Harry is pulled away and, again, he only glances at Louis, like he wants to say something but he doesn't. He walks out with the girl who toasted to them and he's lost in a crowd of people.

"Louis—"

"Nope, not talking about it. Go celebrate, Zayn," he says, robotically at that.

"Louis, we can—"

"Can what, Liam?" He laughs, the sound hollow.

He purses his lips. "I'm sorry, mate."

"It's fine," he says, though he doesn't feel it, "I'm just gonna fucking get hammered. You two should celebrate; it's your first New Years party in a new place."

Liam and Zayn look at each other dubiously.

Louis rolls his eyes. "Seriously, guys. There's nothing either of us can do right now. So let's just celebrate, yeah?"

"Fine, but you're coming with us," Zayn says, grabbing his arm.

Louis doesn't fight back. "Can we just keep our distance?" He asks.

"Sure," Zayn says, smiling sadly, pulling Louis closer. Louis almost suffocates from how strong his cologne is.

Thankfully, Harry (and Aaron) seem occupied majority of the time Louis is in the living room. He keeps to one side, drinking like he promised because what else can he do? Niall keeps everyone entertained and it seems like he's not as sad as he was when they last drank together so that's good.

When Louis leaves the new years party just as the countdown happens, he doesn't look back. He knows Zayn sees him but Zayn doesn't say anything, he just smiles sadly, like before. Maybe he knows Louis can't stay any longer. There's nothing left for him there anymore. He knows what he has to do from here now. Maybe he should be thankful because he's not feeling so confused about his feelings anymore.


	5. Four

  
"So, you want roses as a centre piece but Zayn wants lilies?" Louis asks again, because he's not sure if he's heard wrong.

"Yes," Liam huffs, moving the phone closer to his face, "and, honestly, I'm _so_ close to caving because I just want to fucking get married to him, you know? It's been almost a year since our wedding was _supposed_ to happen and I can tell he's getting impatient too."

Louis hums. He understands that. They were supposed to get married in June last year but then Liam's grandmother fell ill and she passed away, so they decided to postpone it. Apparently his family said it would be bad luck to have a wedding so close to a funeral. Zayn wasn't happy about it but he agreed to wait. Though now, Louis can tell it's getting to both of them. It is, after all, April of the next year and they're only getting married next month, which probably feels like forever away.

"Maybe just do both. I mean your wedding is in a months time, mate. I know both of you only care that you have each other at the end of the day."

"Yeah, you're right," Liam sighs, "but anyways, enough about me and Zayn, how are you? How's Edinburgh?"

Louis grins. "I'm okay. It's windy, as usual," he shrugs.

"You sure you're okay?" Liam asks, searching his face.

"Mate, it's been over a year. I'm fine. Trust me," Louis says, sighing.

He knows he's referring to Harry. For a while after he'd left and come here, he was not okay. He had to come to terms with the fact that the person he was in love with (still is in love with, but he doesn't dwell on that), is engaged to someone else. And it wasn't easy, especially being alone. Liam and Zayn tried their best to be there for him but it wasn't the same.

Niall basically doesn't speak to him after he left because he's mad on Harry's behalf. See, Louis left without telling Harry and yes, looking back now, it was a touch dramatic and he does regret it, but he can't do anything to change it. Well, besides ask for forgiveness but he'll get to that. However, as result of that, Niall told him off and called him a bad friend and now he doesn't speak to Louis much.

Zayn said he and Liam explained the situation to Niall but he wasn't having it because Louis still hurt Harry. And, _yeah_ , he hurt Harry. But he did what he thought he had to do because he, himself, was hurt too. It's still there, the hurt. It's dull but it aches sometimes, when he's alone at night, when he's drunk by himself; it's still there.

Last he's heard, Niall doesn't hate him but he'd rather not keep in touch since Louis was okay with not doing so in the first place. Which, fair enough he supposes. He'd be angry too. But, he did try and fix things between him Niall. He didn't want a division within the friend group and offered a truce when he was there for the holidays.

To which, Niall agreed to be civil with Louis provided he speaks to Harry. Of course, Louis didn't do that... yet? He plans to soon, since he will be at Zayn and Liam's wedding. Louis was preparing himself to do that June of last year but that never happened so he took it as a sign from the universe. Maybe the universe doesn't hate him after all. Maybe.

"You're sure you're okay with them being there when you come here?" Liam asks, eyebrows pinched together. So much for trying not to talk about him.

He isn't sure if Liam is referring to Niall and Harry or Harry and Aaron. Probably the latter. Regardless, he nods. He plans on fixing things so, "It's your wedding, Li. I'm there for you guys and not anyone else."

Liam smiles. "I appreciate it."

Like he does with every call, he bites his lip, contemplating on whether or not to ask about Harry. He tries not to. He's done it maybe five times in total in the year and few months that he's been here. But, he tries not to. He wants closure and he can't keep asking about him if he does. He has to grow some balls and do it in person, to Harry.

The thing is, he's curious to know when Harry is getting married. Last he heard, Zayn let it slip that they were planning the wedding. And this was when he was there for the December holidays. Honestly, he's surprised they aren't married already, since Harry was in so much of a hurry to be wedded. It's none of his business though and Harry probably hates him by now, considering the fact that when he was visiting Zayn and Liam, Harry made sure not to be there at the same time Louis was. He'd even gone out of his way to ask when Louis was going to come so he could avoid him.

Which, again, fair enough. It hurt, but he _did_ leave and didn't tell Harry. Louis would be furious about it if he were in Harry's shoes. Still, he wants to... extend and olive branch of sorts. His mum gave him a right scolding for what he did and asked if he would be happy with the way he'd left things with Harry if Harry had to drop dead tomorrow. He widened his eyes at her because it was so morbid to ask but he realised she had a point.

So, he does want to try and fix things between him and Niall and at least a peace offering for Harry. He's getting married to Aaron and Louis has his own life now, there's no need for them to be as close as they were, as much as it hurts to acknowledge that they already aren't, they can at least be civil with each other, for the sake of their friends. (Even if part of him will always want more with Harry. He knows realistically, that won't happen).

Their friends didn't deserve to be dragged into this mess. That's the last thing Louis or Harry wanted. He wants to try and explain himself when he sees Harry again next month it's just... he's... still in love with him. He's worried about how it's going to come out. It's not ideal. But, he doesn't know how he's going to react, seeing them together, knowing it should be him next to Harry, not Aaron.

He was half tempted to phone Harry on his birthday, drunk off his arse, and confess how he feels and why he did what he did. Maybe if he knew Louis was so in love with him that it pained him to see Harry with someone else, then maybe he'd understand. Maybe he'd have some sympathy for Louis and maybe they could be okay with each other again.

But he stopped himself from doing it. He doesn't know how, but he did.

"You still want to talk to Harry, right?" Zayn pops into the screen suddenly, grabbing the phone from Liam.

"Oh, you _want_ to talk to him?" He can hear Liam ask in the background, sounding surprised.

"Kind of," Louis sighs, "I just... want to extend an olive branch, maybe? I don't like how I left, it was immature and childish and it's not his fault; he didn't know how I felt or why I did what I did, you know? So, I'm... working up the guts to say sorry, I guess," he sighs.

Liam comes in the screen again, smiling. "That's great. I think it's good to talk about what happened, honestly."

"Yeah, um, and Niall too. I—I really messed up," he licks his lips, "I'm sorry guys, I really didn't mean for you guys to be in the middle of all of this."

"It's fine, Louis," Zayn smiles reassuringly.

"Um, do you think he'll forgive me?" Louis asks, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

Liam and Zayn look at each other before looking at Louis again. "You know... he was pretty sad and, um, upset, but he's also Harry so... I think so? It might take some time though."

"I know," he sighs, "listen, I have to go now but I'll talk to you guys soon and I can't wait to see you two."

They both grin. "Right, mate. Keep well," Liam says.

"Bye, Louis. And good luck." Zayn smiles before hanging up.

Louis places his phone down and let's out a breath. He did create a bit of a mess. But that's just who is; impulsive. And he really thought leaving without telling Harry a thing is the best thing to do. He'd even ignored Harry's calls, his texts, all because he was heartbroken. He wanted to move on and cut him off completely, forgetting how much it can affect everyone else as well. Not to mention how upset Harry would have gotten. It's not his fault he didn't feel the same way Louis did— or maybe he did, he just didn't feel it as strongly? Because they definitely did have a moment or two where it seemed like Harry felt same, he just felt _more_ for Aaron, clearly. But, that's not _his_ fault and Louis punished him for that. They were _friends_. Best friends. Things were weird before he'd left, sure, but they were still best friends. Louis could have spoken to him, been honest. Who knows what would have happened?

He would like to think that maybe if he was honest, Harry would realise that he loves Louis more than Aaron and end things with Aaron but he can't say for sure, especially considering the fact that they're still together and still planning their wedding right now.

He runs his hand over his face. Asking Harry to forgive him is going to be hard. Seeing him with Aaron again is going to be even harder. But, Louis needs to do this. He has to at least try and redeem himself, whether that means Harry forgives him or not.

___

"You know, I still haven't scolded him for not coming to my wedding," Lottie sighs.

"That's what you have to say after I tell you I want to fix things with Harry?"

She sighs, turning to face him. "What exactly do you mean by 'fix things'?"

"Just... I don't know, explain myself. He deserves that much."

"Over a year later?" She raises an eyebrow at him, unimpressed.

"My timing isn't great. We know this already. Sue me," he mumbles, his eye catching a nice pair of trainers.

"Your timing is horrible," she hums, "and what will you do if he does hear you out?"

"Apologize, ask if we could maybe try and be friends again," Louis sighs, making his way to the trainers. He hears Lottie following behind him, her heels clicking on the tiles.

"And if he doesn't?"

Louis pulls out the trainer from the display, examining it. "I'm not giving up without a fight."

"So, you're going to tell him you're still in love with him then? Something you should have said over a year ago?"

Louis looks at her. "How did you--"

"Louis, come on," she says, eyes gentle when she says it, "you're still head over heels for him, I can see it. I've always seen it."

Louis sighs, placing the shoe back. "I don't know yet," he says truthfully, "I-- I wasn't honest before but I don't want to... spur it on him? Like blurt it out all at once? It might be a bit much, don't you think?"

"Oh no, no. I left over a year ago and didn't tell you anything, cutting off contact with you and now here I am, a year and a half later, to tell you that I'm really in love with you but do enjoy your life with your soon-to-be-husband."

Louis scowls at her. "Well, when you say it like that..."

"Look, do what you need to do. But don't have any expectations. You hurt him. You can't expect him to just come running back into your arms."

"I don't expect him to do that..." he trails off.

"He's a forgiving person but you really messed up."

"Okay, I get it," he snaps, "I was hurt, okay? I thought we had a moment, I thought he felt the same and then I see he's engaged to that prick. I was just fucking _hurt_."

She purses her lips together. "I know. I'm really sorry about that, you know that. I just hate to see the way you two ended up. I always thought..." she chews her lip.

"What? That we'd end up together? Like Fizzy does?"

She shrugs. "Well, yeah. You guys are so good together— were, I guess."

Louis swallows. "I thought so too."

___

"Do you think it's a good idea?"

Louis waits for Scott to reply. He takes a long drag of his cigarette and looks up thoughtfully. Louis has been asking almost every person in his life that knows about Harry and him if they think coming clean about everything would be a good idea. He just needs some clarity.

"Lad, you haven't stopped talking about him since you got here, you know?" Is what he answers with.

"I—uh, yeah? But—"

"And maybe you do need some closure," he continues, talking over Louis, "I wouldn't expect much from him though, if I were you."

Louis sighs, slumping back against the chair. "Yeah, that's what my sister said."

"Look," he leans forward, flicking of the ash of the cigarette on the tray, "you said you were best mates, didn't ya?"

Louis nods.

"Yeah," he sighs, "but for what it's worth, if your stories are anything to go by, it seems like he might have been just as crazy about you as you are about him."

"You think so?"

Scott nods. "I mean, he probably thought you didn't feel the same at all, which is why he said yes to the other lad, you know? You're this commitment-phobe who ended things with him because you couldn't see you guys getting married. He said yes to someone else because he thought he could never have that with you. You basically were a lost cause to him, mate. No offence."

"Gee, thanks," Louis mumbles.

"Just being honest with ya," he shrugs, sucking in another dose of nicotine, "it's like going to be a back and forth between you two, you say you can't commit now you're going to say you can when he's with someone else, engaged to someone else nonetheless."

"I know, it seems horrible. I'm not— I'm not all for getting married now either, you know? I'm just... a little bit more opened to it. My views can't just change. It's just... with him, I want everything. Every single thing. It doesn't scare me to think about it anymore."

Scott regards him carefully. "I think that it's great you feel that way," he says.

"But?" Louis prompts, feeling it coming.

"But," he sighs, "the lad is ready to be married to someone else, you know what I mean? He's probably trying to forget about you by now."

Louis frowns. "We were best friends," he fights back, "I don't think he wants to try and forget about me so easily."

"Why? You tried to do that for him."

Louis sucks in a breath. He's right. He took his first chance to get away from everything so he could try and forget about Harry and the life he had in London. Like he's been saying; impulsiveness.

"I think telling him the truth is just going to be to get your own closure and there's nothing wrong with that, I suppose. But don't let your closure depend on his willingness to forgive you or fall back in love with you or whatever. He may not. I think he too is trying to move on from everything, yeah?"

"Yeah," he says quietly, though he doesn't want to believe it. He can't just give up now when he's so determined to get it right. He needs to get it right now.

"Maybe after this wedding, you'll finally let me be your wing man once you're back," Scott says, smirking.

Louis rolls his eyes. "I'm in love with the guy. I won't just be able to get over him, regardless of his response."

"I know but at least you'll be opened to it."

"You sound like you're dead set on it not working in my favour," Louis says, gazing at him.

Scott shrugs. "Just being realistic about it. Putting myself in his shoes, you know? I would be pretty upset with my best mate, slash, ex-lover if they'd done something like that."

Louis sighs.

"Look, I get where you're coming from, lad, I do. You were heartbroken. People with broken hearts do stupid things. I'm not saying you're a horrible person. He didn't give you any indication that he had feelings for you back besides your trip to your mum's and that was probably frustrating."

"Yeah, I felt like I had nothing left for me there, Scott. I couldn't just stay there and watch him be happy with someone else, watch him get married to someone else."

"Even though you gave him no indication that you yourself want those things with him?"

"Point is," he grins, "I wasn't thinking."

"But now you are and you want to fix things..."

"Yes. It's the right thing to do," he says.

Scott nods. "Then do what you feel is right." 

___  
  
  


"Louis, Zayn wants to see you," Zayn's mum, Tricia, calls him, smiling politely.

"Oh, okay," he excuses himself from Liam's family to follow her to Zayn's room. Louis knocks on the door before going in, Tricia telling him she'll wait outside.

"You called?" Louis asks, shutting the door behind him.

Zayn turns around, clad in a navy blue and gold suit, hair perfectly styled. "Hey," he breathes out, "yeah, I just wanted to ask how Liam is doing."

Louis grins. "He's fine. A little nervous but he's excited. How are you?"

Zayn puffs out air from his cheeks. "Nervous too," he admits.

"Well, as your best man, I'm here to tell you that there's nothing you have to be nervous about. You guys have been together for over a decade already. Trust me, Z, you'll be okay."

Zayn smiles. "Niall doing a good job at being Liam's best man?"

Louis snorts. "Well, considering the fact that he barely acknowledges me, I wouldn't know. But, it seems like he's okay."

"Right, sorry about that. Have you tried to talk to him yet?"

"Not yet. He already knows why I did what I did, so I don't know what else to say, honestly. But don't worry about that, Zayn. It's your bloody wedding day for God's sake."

Zayn shrugs. "I could use a bit of a distraction, honestly. Otherwise I'll only be thinking about how horrible those tiger lilies look with red roses," he grimaces.

Louis laughs. "Fine then, what do you wanna know?"

"Are you going to be okay?" He asks, sitting down at his dressing table, chair facing outwards, towards Louis.

"Yeah, I know I have to see them together, so I'm no--"

"No, I mean after everything. Are you going to be okay?" Zayn asks.

"I have to be," he shrugs, "I'll do what I have to do and if I'm not okay now, I'll work on it until I am."

Zayn chews on his lip. "Okay, but promise me something?"

"Yeah?" Louis asks, curious.

"If this doesn't work out; you trying to fix things with him, you'll leave it alone once and for all. Don't think pine over him anymore and move on, okay? I know you don't want to hear this, but he's okay, Louis. He seems happy with Aaron. Do I think you and Harry would be better for each other? Yes. But, that's not working out so don't force it to, okay? If nothing comes out of it, let go of him, yeah?"

Louis swallows, slightly taken aback. "I--- okay," he promises, "fine."

Maybe it's for the best. But, like he said, he's not giving up without a fight.

"Oh, and one other thing?" Zayn asks. Louis nods. "Don't make a scene. If you do talk to him and you can see it's getting a bit heated or summat, just stop or take it elsewhere, okay?"

"Of course. I didn't come here to make a scene. I just didn't know where else to talk to him. I-- I won't make a scene, Zayn."

"All right, I'm sorry for being so pushy," Zayn sighs, "I've just been waiting for this for so long, I don't want anything to ruin it."

"I know. You have to chill though, mate. You're getting to the love of your life; everything will be okay."

Zayn smiles softly at that. "I know. I'm excited for what's next."

"Of course you are," Louis rolls his eyes playfully, "Liam basically said the same thing."

"He did?" Zayn asks with a smile.

"Yeah, he said that he can't wait for your lives together after this."

Zayn's grin widens. Just then, there's a knock on the door and Zayn's mum walks in when Zayn lets her.

"You look gorgeous, darling," she grins.

"Thanks, Trish, but I think Zayn deserves some compliments today."

They both chuckle at Louis before Zayn thanks her.

"Well, what do you say then, ready to get married?"

Zayn glances at Louis before looking at his mum again. He nods. 

Louis standing at Zayn's side does give him the advantage of scanning the crowd of people for Harry's familiar face but he's not expecting his heart to race the way it does when he does find him. He's sitting near the front, Aaron by his side (whom Louis ignores for the time being), clad in a white suit and his hair is cut short again. He has no doubt that Aaron is behind that haircut.

Of course, Harry still looks gorgeous. He always looks gorgeous. Louis might have been staring for too long because before he knows it, Harry's eyes meet his. Panicked, Louis widens his, swallowing. Harry too seems shocked but he quickly recovers, looking down instead. Louis pushes down the disappointment. He doesn't know what kind of reaction he was expecting but the lack of warmth he noticed in Harry's eyes was not one of them.

When the ceremony starts, Louis tries his best to not look at where Aaron and Harry are sitting. That tactic is mostly unsuccessful because, unconsciously, his eyes always wander there. And of course, when they do, Harry looks at him too, like he can feel it instantly. They've always had that thing though-- where their eyes meet wherever they are, no matter how far apart, because they were just that in tune with each other.

Before, it was warm smiles, playful winks or even an occasional funny face or two, now, when their eyes meet, Louis sees hostility, coldness and hurt. He hates it so damn much. Harry is probably fuming from just looking at Louis right now.

Louis tries to focus on the vows when they're being exchanged, smiling when Liam starts tearing up. Louis himself tears up too at one stage. He catches sight of Harry wiping the underneath of his eyes. Unfortunately, he has to also watch Aaron thumb them away and Harry smiling at him as a thank you.

After the ceremony, the guests go outside to another hall where supper is being served. Louis accompanies Zayn and Liam while still trying to keep track of Harry. Once they're all seated and eating, he spots Lottie sitting on the table opposite of where Aaron and Harry are sat. His stomach grumbles as he trudges towards Lottie's table, excusing himself from Zayn and Liam first.

Much to his dismay, as soon as he takes a seat on one those uncomfrtable plastic-glass-looking chairs, Harry gets up along with his fiance and saunter up to the table where Zayn and Liam are sat. He pouts to himself. They probably waited for Louis to leave for an opportunity to congratulate Zayn and Liam.

"I can hear your stomach, good god. Louis, dish out something and eat," Lottie says, pushing the plate towards him. Louis huffs, dishing out some of the bake on the table and grabbing a roll. Yes, he's hungry but he can't eat much, honestly. Not when his mind is elsewhere.

Harry and Aaron eventually do sit back down and they also get to eating, Harry doing a stellar job of avoiding looking in Louis' direction. He sighs.

"Did he say hi to you?" Louis asks Lottie.

Lottie chews, nodding. "Yeah, he and Aaron," she smiles, tight and apologetic, "sorry."

"You don't need to say sorry, Lots," he says, frowning, "just wanted to know."

"Yeah, well, he did. He's still apologising for not coming to my wedding," she chuckles.

Louis winces. Harry didn't go to Lottie's wedding because Louis was there and he was still pretty upset with Louis at the time— more so then. She was sad and he apologised, making it up to her with a huge dining set gift and treating her and Tommy to a dinner. She's over it now but Louis did feel guilty. Not back then, but he does now.

"You still wanna talk to him, huh?" She asks.

Louis nods, placing his fork down. "Yeah," he replies, glancing at them again.

And, he just thinks about how it's so— it's so wrong. Seeing them together... they don't fit the way Harry and Louis do. They look uncomfortable next to each other, in fact. He has his arm around Harry's shoulders, but Louis knows he likes it around his waist, and Aaron steals the peas off of Harry's plate even though Louis knows that that's his favourite thing and he would whack Louis' hand away every time he so much as tried to steal one. Everything... everything about them is just _wrong_. They don't _fit_. He's not meant to be with Aaron, even after all this time. Louis can see that as plain as day.

When he sees Aaron say something to Harry— spit something out, more like— teeth gritted, and watches the way Harry's face falls, jaw clenched, Louis can't stand it anymore.

Impulsively, Louis gets up from his seat. "Louis?" Lottie asks, perplexed.

"I'm going to talk to him," Louis says, determined.

"Wait what? Right now? Why do you look like that?" She asks, grabbing his arm to pull him down.

He sighs, bum meeting the seat again. "I can't look at it, Lots. They're not— look at him."

She follows his gaze. "What?"

"He's sad. Aaron said something rude and obnoxious to Harry and now he's sad and alone," Louis says, watching Aaron now abruptly get up and leave the hall.

Then, Harry gets up, probably to follow Aaron, wherever he stormed off to. Louis gets up again. "Lottie, I have to go talk to him."

"Fine, but be careful, please," she sighs.

Louis nods, though his eyes are on Harry. Quickly, he follows after Harry until he's outside the hall.

"Harry," Louis calls out. He watches Harry stop in his tracks, back tensing underneath his blazer before he turns around slowly, eyes wide, guard up.

"Louis," he says breezily, though he swallows visibly.

"Hello," Louis breathes out.

"Do you want something?" Harry asks, tone hostile.

Louis pushes away the hurt. "Can we talk?"

Harry laughs, like Louis said something ridiculous. "There's nothing I have to say to you."

"Okay, well, I have to say something. I— I want to talk."

Harry frowns, Louis walks closer slowly. He's so beautiful, always has been. "Why should I listen to anything you have to say when you haven't done the same for me?"

Louis swallows, nervous. "I know I haven't been the best in the past but I'm— I'm trying to fix things. You deserve an explanation for why I left, that's all I want to explain to you."

Harry doesn't reply, he just stares at Louis, like he doesn't know what he wants to say. So, Louis continues.

"I— I left because I realised, after Donny, that I had feelings for you, and I didn't," Louis takes a breath, "I didn't realise it before but I hadn't stopped loving you... I wanted to tell you that New Year's Eve party but then you came with Aaron and you guys were engaged and I didn't know how to deal with it because I thought you felt the same and I—" he sighs, "I'm sorry I left like that, I still should have told you because that wasn't your fault."

Harry frowns. "Niall told me why you left," is what he says, "none of that matters to me anymore, Louis."

Louis feels like he's been hit or struck. "What?"

He knew the whole time. "Since when do you know?"

"A while," he shrugs, "when Zayn and Liam told him."

"So, Zayn and Liam know you know?" Louis asks, feeling a deep hot betrayal settle in his stomach.

"No," Harry says, "now are we done here?"

"Harry, you have to understand I wasn't thinking straight, okay? I was heartbroken," Louis tries again.

"You could have told me," Harry snaps, "I tried to talk to you, even _after_ you left. You just _left_ , Louis. You were supposed to be my best fucking friend and you fucking cut me off like I was nothing. So whatever you have to say doesn't bloody matter to me anymore."

And that's-- he can't handle Harry saying that. It has to matter, at least a little bit.

"What if I told you that I'm still in love with you?" He blurts out.

Harry's eyes widen, like he's panicked but shocked. "Louis--"

"No, what if I tell you that I thought running away would solve everything but it didn't. I couldn't--- can't-- get over you, Harry and believe me, I've tried. God, have I tried. But I can't. And to see you with Aaron-- it's just... It feels wrong, don't you think?"

Much to his horror, Harry starts to cry, tears falling down his cheeks that he violently wipes away. 

"And I want to be with you. In whatever way you'll have me but you should know how I feel about you--" 

"We're getting married in August, Louis," Harry sniffs, cutting him off, "you don't have any right to tell me any of this right now."

"You're getting married in August?" Louis repeats, feeling like the air has been knocked out of him. He doesn't know what he expected. Of course they're getting married, they're _engaged_. And he knew they were planning their wedding already so what the hell did he expect? Just because he blurts out that he loves Harry that Harry will automatically feel the same?

"Yes," Harry says quietly, eyes watering again, "I can't believe you, honestly."

"Harry, wait," Louis steps closer, grabbing his arm boldly without giving it a second thought, "look, I— you know, I didn't come here to confess my love for you. I wanted to just... try and offer you a truce or something because I didn't like that I hurt you intentionally. It's just... I was hurt too, which is why I did what I did—"

"You've said this already," Harry huffs, frustrated, nose red and eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

"I know but I— I realised I can't tell you why I did it without admitting how I felt— how I feel. I'm sorry, okay? But I wanted to tell you, I was _going_ to tell you on New Year's Day but then you came with Aaron and then you two were engaged and I—" he exhales, "i was so hurt," he says, voice breaking, "because you clearly didn't feel the same and--"

"You've _said_ this," Harry shakes his head.

"But, Harry, please tell me how you felt now—tell me how you _feel_ now," Louis continues anyways, practically begging.

Harry pulls his arm back. "Louis, it doesn't matter. I'm engaged to someone else. We're getting married in—"

"Yeah, but you didn't answer my question. If you tell me right now that you don't even feel a thing for me I will walk away and out of your life for good. I'll even stop contacting Zayn and Liam so much, if that's what you want."

Harry laughs, throaty and raw. "You already left, Louis. You keep saying Aaron treated me horribly because he just left instead of sorting shit out but you did the same fucking thing to me."

He let's the words sink in, the truth hitting him hard. He did the _same_ fucking thing.

"You already walked out of my life Louis. I'm sorry I didn't say anything to you, okay? I really am. But I _didn't know_. You kept saying that you want to be single, that you don't want marriage any time soon, that you don't _want_ to be with anyone any time soon. What was I _supposed_ to think?" 

Louis inhales sharply. He's right. But-

"But what would you have done if I told you on New Year's Eve that I loved you? Would it have changed anything?"

"I don't know," he says softly.

"So, that's a no," Louis scoffs, shaking his head.

"Stop that," he snaps, "you don't even know—"

"I don't even know what?" He asks, stepping even closer to him.

Harry stares at him, taking one step back, Adams apple bobbing in his throat. "It took me so long to get over you. Getting over you was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Do you know how much it hurt me, watching you sleep with these random guys after coming back from fucking Brazil, which you also didn't tell me about, by the way, while I was still so in love with you? It made me feel like I was nothing to you."

"Harry-"

"No, fuck. You don't know what it was like okay. I was ready to marry you right then and there, in that bloody restaurant we had our first date in. I didn't think I could find a love like ours again and then I met Aaron and he's good to me, he loves me, he wants everything you didn't want with me."

That— that hits him hard. He's right. He knows Harry is right.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Louis has to ask.

"I didn't think you cared. You moved on so quickly, I like said, I didn't want to ruin our friendship. We were just getting to a point of being okay with each other again. I just—" he let's a tear fall but wipes it away quickly, "where was this six and a half years ago?"

"I'm sorry," Louis says, swallowing the growing lump in his throat, "really, Harry, I am but—"

"No, Louis," Harry shakes his head, "there can't be any buts. I'm getting _married_ and that's it."

Even disheveled in his white suit and puffy eyes, Louis still thinks he's the most beautiful person he's ever seen.

"Are you happy with him?" Louis asks, "because I've seen you happier. I've seen you happier with me."

Harry gives him a warning look but he doesn't reply.

"Look, I made a mistake not telling you that New Year's Eve party how I really felt, maybe even before that, but I just— looking at you today, I have to tell you how I feel—"

"Yeah and then what? Then I break things off with Aaron and you go back Edinburgh. And even if we get together, you still want different things than I do," he let's out a defeated laugh, "face it, Louis, we just aren't meant to work."

"I'll marry you, I will," Louis blurts out, "it doesn't scare me— not anymore." Which is the truth. No, he's not eager for marriage _right now_ , but for _Harry_ , he'll do anything. He'll marry him right here _and_ now.

"Louis, it's too late—"

"Tell me you didn't feel anything during that trip to Donny, on the swing when we almost kissed, hell maybe even before that?"

"This whole speech is over a year too late, Louis," Harry sighs.

"Well, if it could have changed your mind then, why won't it now?"

"Because I've made peace with it, Louis," he cries, "I've moved on because you left and you gave me no choice but to."

"Harry," he says helplessly, "don't do this, not when you know you can be happier."

Harry's shoulders sag, eyes sad when they meet Louis'. "Goodbye, Louis."

"Harry—" he cuts himself off, watching Harry turn away, hurrying off.

"Louis?" Louis turns around, feeling like he has whiplash from the conversation with Harry only to find Niall behind him now.

"Niall, mate, whatever you have to say, if you wanna tell me off, now is not the time. _Please_ just--"

"I came here to look for Harry," Niall says, pursing his lips.

"Well, he just walked away," Louis says, a bit robotically. 

"I saw."

Louis narrows his eyes and moves off the pathway for Niall to chase after his friend. He stays put.

"I heard some of what he said and-- and you," Niall says.

Louis doesn't know what to say so he keeps quiet. He's finding it hard to even keep his tears at bay right now.

"You said you'll marry him."

Louis huffs. "Yeah," he says, then plops himself onto a rock sticking out of the grass.

"When did that change?"

Louis shrugs, leaning forward, elbows resting on his knees.

"You're still staying at Zayn and Liam's after they leave tonight?"

"Yeah but I'm leaving tomorrow in the afternoon," Louis says, looking at him curiously, "why ?"

"I'll see you just after midday then," he says, walking backwards before turning away and walking up the pathway Harry disappeared on.

Louis stares at the now empty pathway, confused. His heart is too shattered to dissect what just happened with Niall though.

Defeated, he leans forward again, letting sobs wrack through his him, shaking his body to the very core. He's damn lucky no one else is here or else he wouldn't have done this. But he needs a good cry before going back in there. Zayn and Liam are married now; they don't need this shit in their lives. He can be happy for them. He _is_ happy for them.

It's just the realization that he well and truly fucked up now that's hitting him fully. Everyone told him not to get his hopes up, not to have high expectations about this, but he stupidly didn't listen. He thought he could do this big love reveal and Harry will be his again. But it doesn't work like that.

Hell, he already fucking knew why Louis left because Niall told him. That's probably why he pushed Louis to talk to Harry back then, because maybe Harry was willing to listen. But now... Now it's too late.

Louis wipes his hand over his face, taking a deep breath, trying to compose himself. This time, there truly is nothing left for him here. He can't just win Harry back, he can't expect Harry to drop everything for him, he can't do anything but accept that Harry isn't his anymore and there's not a damn thing he can do about it.  
  


___  
  


Louis is all packed up by midday the next day, ready to leave as soon as fucking possible. He would leave now but he remembers Niall saying that he'd come over. At least that's what he thinks he said? What else could that have meant, right?

Louis passes the time, texting his mum, Lottie, Scott and finally, Zayn to wish them a good honeymoon and to text Louis when they're back.

It's not fun, reliving everything that's happened yesterday. It escalated so quickly and happened so fast, Louis still can't even comprehend it properly.

When Niall does come, it's one pm on the dot. Louis isn't surprised that he has a key to Zayn and Liam' s place but it does take him by surprise when he just walks in.

"Hi , sorry to scare you," he smiles a bit, "um, you still have time to talk?"

"Hi , it's okay. Um, yeah. I'm leaving at three so..."

"Okay," Niall bites his lip, "can we sit?"

Louis nods, sitting on the couch again, Niall opting for the armchair. "Did you want to tell me something?"

Niall shrugs. "I wanted to talk."

"Okay," Louis says slowly, "about Harry, I'm guessing?"

Niall nods. "Look, when Zayn and Liam told me why you left, I was mad. I didn't care how you felt because I didn't even hear it from you. Hearing you at the wedding yesterday, talking to Harry, I saw it."

"Saw what?"

"That you were hurt too," he smiles sadly. "I always knew you two had some unfinished business but I figured, when Harry got engaged, that I was probably wrong. Then Zayn and Liam told me why you left and it made me mad because you could have _told_ him something, you know? But you didn't. You left instead."

Louis looks down, already feeling shitty.

"I'm not saying any of this to make you feel bad, Louis. I'm just saying, that's why I was mad. I took his side because I saw how hurt _he_ was. Yesterday... I saw how hurt you were--are."

"I didn't mean to hurt him. I made a mistake," Louis says quietly.

"I can see that now... Kind of."

Louis looks at him. "Thank you."

Niall smiles. "So you still love him, huh?"

Louis' heart constricts. He nods solemnly.

"For what it's worth... I think he still loves you too."

Louis furrows his brows, shaking his head. "I don't think so."

"Well, I think so. I think he's just caught up in the hurt and the sadness you know? He needed to let out some of everything he bottled up regarding you. He didn't get a chance to yell at you," Niall laughs a bit.

Louis frowns. "I asked him yesterday and he said he's marrying Aaron. That was his reply."

"That's not a no, is it?"

Louis swallows. "It's not a yes either."

"Well, I mean. Do you blame him? He's been burned by you before. He was proper mad at you when you two were going out, you know?"

"I was crazy about him too, for what _that's_ worth. I know I wasn't keen on marriage or whatever but Harry... Everything was different with him. I just didn't realize it at the time."

"I know. I could see the way you looked at him," Niall says, "and I'm sorry it turned out like this."

Louis let's out a humorless laugh. "Me too."

They're silent for a while until Niall speaks again. "Harry-- Harry has always been the type of person to have everything for his future planned out, you know? Especially in the romance and family department. He wants stability and security and he always has. And I think," Niall sighs, "I think that's why he's pushing himself to marry Aaron; because he's had this life planned out for him ages ago and it didn't go his way so now that it finally can, he's taking what he can get."

"You think he's settling?" Louis asks. That's essentially what he's saying, right?

Niall tilts his head to the side in a half shrug of sorts. "I think he does love Aaron but he's not in love with him. He's in love with idea of settling down, starting a family and all that. And to him, Aaron can give that to him."

Louis blinks. "Why are you telling me all of this?"

"Because," he exhales, "I don't want you to give up on him."

"Niall," Louis starts, already shaking his head.

"No, Louis, listen, I know you two have been through a lot and put each other through a lot but I know my best mate, okay? I know what he deserves and he deserves better than Aaron, honestly. But he's also a stubborn man who has a big ego, just like yourself, so it's gonna take some time for him to come around. I'm not saying don't live your life, or not to see other people, I'm just saying don't lose faith in him. I truly believe he still loves you."

Louis sighs." I don't want to get my hopes up."

"I know. But he's worth it, don't you think?"

Louis swallows. "Yeah. I just-- I'm not gonna interfere though. I have to keep my distance now, I hope you understand why this time 'round. I mean, he's getting married in _August_ for God's sake."

"Yeah," Niall winces, "that's not ideal."

"Not really, no," Louis chuckles dryly.

Louis purses his lips together. "If I write him a letter, will you give it to him?"

Niall knits his brows together but nods anyways. "A letter?"

"You're right," Louis nods, "I know he's stubborn and that's probably why he's not willing to listen to anything I had to say or am saying right now but I think... I think he needs to know how much I-- how much I love him."

Niall has this weird twinkle in his eyes when he smiles again." Okay, yeah, write it and leave it here. I'll pick it up once you're gone, yeah?"

Louis nods." Thanks, Niall. Really, thank you."

***

_Dear Harry,_

_I know writing a letter confessing my love for you is a bit cliché but you've left me no other choice, have you? And I don't blame you. I know I've hurt you and you have every right to still be mad at me._

_I never ever meant to hurt you though. It sucks to know that you think I got over you so quickly when we first broke up. I didn't. That whole trip to Brazil I spent crying my eyes out because I just wished you could be next to me. Everything reminded me of you and when I got back, I had to see you right there but I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't touch you like I used to, I couldn't feel you like I used to- it was torture, darling._

_I did what I do best and I pushed away my feelings by using distractions and unfortunately, those distractions happened to be people I hooked up with. I'm not proud of it but I thought it worked at the time._

_But trust me, Harry, getting over you is the hardest thing I'm doing too. I know I may have to after you get married. I can't stay hung up on you forever, regardless of what I feel or what I think_ **_you_ ** _feel._

_I'm sorry for hurting you time and time again. I'm sorry for being so afraid of your love when all I wanted was to be loved by you. I can't explain why I was, maybe there's deep-rooted issues that go way back into my childhood but all I know right now is that I'm not scared anymore._

_I've said this but I would marry you right now if you only tell me you want me too. I know this is years too late, trust me, I know. It took some time for me to get there, to understand and come to terms with my feelings._

_And I feel... I feel everything for you. I love you more than words can explain. There was a reason I never really got along with Aaron, with why I was so upset when you didn't end things with him when he treated you horribly, when you said yes to him despite all of that. I was insanely jealous and it took me a while to realize that it was because I was still crazy about you._

_I_ **_am_ ** _still crazy about you._

_I'm not telling you this so you can leave the life you've built for yourself without me to come running back into my arms, I'm telling you because I'm tired of keeping it in. I made that mistake that new years eve party, hell, even before that, and I'm not doing it again._

_I know I've said my piece in a choppy, emotional way to you at the wedding but this felt more... Intimate. I needed to gather my thoughts and write this so you know how deeply I care about you still, how deeply I love you._

_I know you're marrying Aaron and if that's what you really want, what you know deep down will make you happy, then I'll have to make my peace with that. I can't stop you from doing that. All I want is for you to be happy._

_And I know, you might be thinking writing this letter to you is selfish so I can't just want you to be happy, can I? But I needed to do this because I think you need it too. Maybe this is my last chance to be selfish with you._

_Think of it as closure, maybe. I don't want to remain in an ugly space in your heart, no matter how much I've hurt you because you'll never be in one in mine._

_If you think this letter was selfish, well, you haven't gotten to the worst part:_

_I'll always love you, darling. You belong in my heart and I'm afraid no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get rid of you. So I'm done fighting to get rid of you. I'll keep you with me._

_Heavy confession for someone who is afraid of commitment, huh?_

_Anyways, I hope you read this and you don't think of me with hatred or pain anymore, I hope you feel a little lighter. I hope you're happy. I only want you to be happy._

_Yours always,_   
_Louis_

***

August brings a cold wind to Edinburgh that Louis can't say he enjoys much. It doesn't help that his mood is just as dull and gloomy as the weather.

On the fourteenth, Louis' mood worsens and he knows why. In four days, Harry is getting married.

He tries not to think about it so much because it only makes him upset but he can't help it now. And it doesn't help that everyone else is walking on eggshells around him.

Zayn and Liam have this horrible pity in their eyes when they speak to him in the days leading up to the wedding. They continuously ask if he's okay and whether or not one of them needs to come to him so he's not alone.

Louis says he'll be okay, even if he isn't at the moment. The alternative is not being okay and he doesn't think he can handle that right now. He has to deal with it.

Niall keeps saying he's upset because things didn't work out the way he thought they would. Though, he keeps saying he has a feeling things will work out in the end.

Louis isn't sure what 'the end' means but he doesn't disagree, only because Niall seems so determined about it.

He didn't say much to Louis after he gave Niall the letter to give to Harry. He just said that Harry got it and he read it, but that was it.

It killed him, honestly. He poured his heart out in that letter so not knowing what Harry's reaction was is torture. He just wants to know how he _felt_.

But, it seems like he'll have to go on with his life without knowing. He can't just ask Niall about it so he'll have to leave it be. He's working on making peace with that too. He'll get there eventually. It's just... this week is going to be hard for him. Extremely hard. He does admit that to his friends which was a mistake because that makes them even more worried and forces Zayn (in his own words) to subsequently call his mum.

Zayn told on him... to his mum.

When he gets the call from her, he just gets to his flat and sits down, a beer in his hand. "Mum? You all right?"

It's not unusual that she calls but they normally message each other to see if they're free to chat beforehand.

"Zayn told me you're a bit down this week," is what she says, "why didn't you tell me, hun?"

Louis sighs, leaning back. Fucking _Zayn_. "I'm okay, mum. I'll be okay. You don't need to worry about me."

"He said it's because of Harry and you know, I should have known," she huffs, practically ignoring what he said, "I'm so sorry, love."

Louis pinches the bridge of his nose. "It's okay, mum. I'm just going to have to deal with it, honestly. Zayn is worried too much."

"No, he's right to be worried. Maybe you should come over for a few days?"

"I can't just leave work, mum," he huffs.

"You can take at least three days off. You have plenty of leave. And Zayn said you're not working on a case right now."

Fucking _Zayn_.

"Mum—"

"Louis, I don't want you to be alone right now. Just a few days, love. I can make chicken pot pie, you favourite."

Louis chews on his lip. Does he really want to run to his mum when he's sad? Maybe this is a special case. The chicken pot pie does sound appealing.

"I'll have to ask Angela first and get back to you," is what he decides on finally saying.

"Lovely. I'm sure she'll say yes. I'll go grocery shopping tomorrow then. Please take of yourself in the mean time."

"Mum, I'm thirty-three," he says, slightly embarrassed.

"Still my baby," she says, "love you."

Louis rolls his eyes half-heartedly. "Love you too."

He hangs up and calls Angela immediately to ask if he can take the day after tomorrow off till the twentieth, explaining that he needs to be with his mum right now. He doesn't explicitly say why but she, thankfully, says it's okay as long as he keeps up with his paperwork when he's back. He agrees and phones Zayn.

"You told my mum I was sad," is the first he says when Zayn answers.

"Because you're too stubborn to admit that you don't want to be alone right now, so you forced me to. I wish you could stay with Li and I but I know that'll be too much for you right now. And I know you're a mummy's boy."

Louis sighs in defeat. "I need to be able to deal with this by myself, you know? What's gonna happen when they celebrate their one year wedding anniversary and post obnoxious pictures online ? Or when they decide to start a family? What am I going to do then?"

"You think you'll still that sad then?" Zayn asks, an upset tone to his voice.

"At the moment, yeah. It's been years and I can't get over him, Zayn," he chuckles, hollow and dry, "what makes you think that'll change in another years time?"

"Look, we just have to take this one step at a time, yeah? For now, just go to your mum and let her smother you with love."

Louis takes a sip of his now warm beer. "Yeah, I've already asked for a few days off and Angie said it's okay."

"Oh my god. Son of a bitch actually did it. I thought I'd have to call your boss myself."

Louis rolls his eyes. "I'm not that self-destructive. Not anymore, at least."

"Well, I'm glad then. And hey, I'm proud of you, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," Louis gulps, "um, when we spoke the other day, I heard something Liam said and I wanted to ask you about it."

"Yeah, of course?"

See, Louis didn't want to think about this either because 1)he could have misheard and 2)if it is true, he doesn't know how he can handle that either. "He said something about how Harry won't need the mixer once they move and I know they're already staying together so, um, are they moving somewhere else after they get married?"

Zayn clears his throat. "Um, I didn't want to tell you anything yet because Harry himself said it's not certain but they want to move to Manchester, closer to Aaron's parents."

And that's what Louis thought but he hoped he was wrong. He's not sure why though because he himself moved away so it makes no difference to him.

"Oh," he says.

"Yeah, but it's not certain or anything, they're just thinking about it."

"Anyways, um, how are you and Liam doing? Still in your honeymoon phase months after?" He tries his best to laugh about it.

"Louis—" he sighs, cutting himself off, "honestly, we're enjoying the post honeymoon phase now. Arguably much better. But also, it's basically the same thing as staying together before getting married, only now I get to see him wearing a ring on his ring finger."

Louis can _hear_ the way he's smiling when he says it, which makes him smile too. "And you guys still wanna get a dog?"

"Yeah," he sighs, "but I want a Sphinx cat more."

Louis grimaces. "That naked rat looking thing that looks like it'll kill you in your sleep?"

"It's _cute_ ," Zayn gasps, offended.

"It's ugly, mate," Louis gags, "at least get a cat with fur."

"No, that's boring," he tuts, "Liam wants one of those annoying Jack Russells though."

"God, you both have terrible taste," Louis rolls his eyes, "at least get a proper dog or cat."

"Proper how? Like the one you want?"

"Labradoodle? Yeah that's a cute one for sure. Them golden retrievers are also cute. You know, maybe I should get one."

"They'll allow it at your place?"

"Yeah, I saw one of my neighbours with a chihuahua," he grimaces again, "and another with those really fluffy dogs— dunno what they're called."

"Well, I actually think that might be a good idea," he hums, "our pets could be best friends."

Louis laughs. "Sure, Z."

"Anyways, look, I'm glad you're gonna be at your mum's and just know I'm here for you, okay?"

"Thank you, I appreciate everything you guys have done for me," he says sincerely.

"Of course. Ride or die, babes. Three musketeers forever,"

Louis snorts. He'd forgotten they used to call themselves that. "Right, always."   
  


___

As he's driving to Donny two days later, he gets a call from Niall. Confused, he answers it and puts it on speaker. "Niall?"

"Hey, mate. I heard you're going to your mum's."

"Yeah, I'm driving there now."

"Jesus when did you leave? It's only ten in the morning."

"Yeah, I left at around half seven," he shrugs, "will be there in about an hour, just over maybe."

"Okay, well... I'm glad you're going to be with family."

"Yeah, thanks," he says, unsure of what else he can say.

"Um, how long will you be there?"

"Till the twentieth," he says, "why?"

"I'm just asking. Maybe I'll visit? If that's okay with your mum, of course."

Louis smiles. "Mate, you don't have to do that."

"No, I want to. Just... missing you and all."

Louis snorts. "I'm flattered, but I think that's code for you're worried about me."

"Fine," he sighs, "I am worried."

"Don't be. You lot were worried about me being alone and I'm not going to be anymore, so don't worry, really. Aren't you supposed to be at a stag party?" He manages a laugh.

"No, uh, he didn't want one," Niall says, sounding awkward.

Louis frowns. "Are you lying to protect my feelings? I do already know he's getting married, you know?"

"No, I'm not lying. He really said he didn't want one," Niall says quickly, but not in a way that makes him sound dishonest.

"Okay, well. I'm sure you need to do some best man duties, Ni. So don't worry about me. Really, I'm okay. I'll manage."

He sighs on the other end. "Okay, but I'm gonna call you again soon, yeah? And I'm coming to visit, probably on the twentieth."

"You do that, Niall," Louis laughs, shaking his head.

"Love ya, lad. Take care, yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah. Love you too."

Louis takes a deep breath once Niall hangs up. If one more person phones to check up on him, he's going to scream.

___

When he gets to Donny, his mum does indeed smother him. Fizzy visits the day he arrives and also proceeds to smother him. And really, he's okay. That is, until he wakes up on the morning of eighteenth. Aka the day Harry weds another man.

He wallows away in his bed for most of the morning, switching from crying silently into his pillow, to groaning and being angry at himself, Harry and the universe. Just a typical Saturday, really. He only comes down for tea at eleven. His mum is in the kitchen, the smell of bacon strong in the air. She doesn't say anything to him, and he's grateful for that. She only gives him a hug and a cup of tea made perfectly.

"Think I'm gonna go outside for a bit; doesn't seem too cold today," he says, sipping his tea carefully.

"Okay, there's a blanket on the swing if you need it," she says.

"Thanks, um. Lots went right?" He asks.

She nods, pursing her lips into a sympathetic smile.

"Okay, that's— it's good that she went," he says honestly. He knew for a while that Harry invited her for the wedding, after Zayn and Liam's wedding. She was contemplating going because of how Louis feels but Louis assured her that he doesn't care if she goes. Besides, Harry personally invited her, so it would be rude to decline. And, Harry probably felt guilty for not going to Lottie's wedding too.

"You want anything else?" She asks.

Louis shakes his head but then stops. "Actually, do you want to join me outside?"

She smiles. "Let me just put the stove off," she says, turning around. Louis waits for her before going outside together. They both sit on the swing and Louis is hit with the memory of him and Harry being here almost _two_ years ago, so close to kissing.

"Any plans after this, love? Going to extend your contract in Edinburgh?"

Louis sits back, shrugging. "I don't know yet. I want to get a dog actually."

"A dog?" She asks, surprised, "that's a big responsibility."

"I know. I've wanted one for a while now, though. Zayn said it might be good for me."

"Probably. Don't forget about us once you get a dog though," she teases.

Louis smiles. "I'll try my best not to."

Louis takes a sip of his tea, looking up. He spots a familiar red Ford pull up in front of the house. Sitting up straighter, he squints. Niall said he can only come on the twentieth and today is the bloody wedding.

" _Is_ that Niall?" He asks, more to himself but he's proved wrong when he sees a disheveled looking Harry step out. Louis' heart falls to his arse.

"Is that Harry?" His mum asks, shocked. Harry's eyebrows are furrowed and his nose is red. He walks determinedly towards the house, only faltering when he sees Jay. "I think I'll go inside and give you two some privacy, it looks like he has something to say to you."

Louis glances at his mum and nods, swallowing nervously. She gets up and he vaguely hears the sound of the door closing shut. He's just— he's shocked. Slowly, he stands up, watching Harry now take slower, more cautious steps towards him, still looking furious.

When he steps up the porch, he's only a few steps away from Louis but he stays put.

"Uh, hi?" Louis says anxiously, placing his cup onto the ground and straightening up again.

"Hi," Harry says, quiet and reserved, like if he says anymore he could burst.

"Harry... what are you doing here?" Louis has to ask because he can fucking hear his heart beating in his ears from how nervous he is.

Much to Louis' horror, he starts breathing heavily like he's panicking or wanting to cry. Then he does start crying but not loudly, just silently. His hand go up to his mouth to cover it.

"Harry—Harry, hey, sit down, please," Louis approaches him slowly, touching his arm gently and pulling him until he's sat on the swing. He moves easily but lethargically. Louis is, frankly, pretty scared because he doesn't know what the fuck is happening.

He sits down too, keeping some distance between them, and waits for Harry to calm down a bit. Once he is a little calmer, he breathes in and out, bracing himself on the edge of the swing like his body is too heavy for him to hold.

"Harry, please tell me why you're here. You're— you're supposed to be getting married," Louis says in disbelief, "what's happening?"

Wordlessly, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper with shaky hands and holds it out for Louis to take. Louis recognises the piece of pink paper immediately. It's the letter Louis wrote for him. Louis takes it from him and places it on his lap before looking at Harry again.

"You kept it," he says, almost in awe, "why?"

Harry shrugs, bottom lips trembling a bit.

"I convinced myself that I kept it for-- for closure or something," he finally speaks, voice hoarse, "to— I don't know, convince myself to move on but that doesn't fucking make any sense, does it?" He huffs, clearly upset.

Louis feels his heart in his throat. He looks at the paper on his lap again, letting out a shaky breath. "No it doesn't, Harry, so why did you keep it then?"

"I don't know," Harry says softly.

"No, Harry, you _do_ know. You do. Admit it to yourself," Louis says fiercely. He _knows_ why. But Harry has to say it. The fact that he's here instead of his own bloody wedding, keeping the letter Louis gave him where he confessed his love for Harry is proof enough for Louis but he has to say this for _himself_.

Harry sobs, actually full blown sob that shakes his whole body. "Why did you do that?" He asks, wiping his nose with his fucking expensive looking tuxedo blazer. His _wedding_ suit for Christ's sake.

"Why did I—"

"I was _fine_ without you," he cuts Louis off, going on a rant, "I was doing okay— I didn't _need_ you anymore and then you just pitch up again and you know, I expected it, okay? I just didn't expect you to go on about how much you _love_ me. _God_ ," he wipes a hand over his face, leaning forward onto his knees briefly, much like Louis did when he was at the wedding, outside the reception hall.

"I—"

"And I told you off and it felt _good. I_ felt good. I was fully ready to move on from everything. But then you give me this bloody letter and it ruined _everything_." 

Louis purses his lips together. "Ruined it now?"

Harry finally sits up straight and looks at Louis incredulously. "You went on about how much you love me, Louis. You said you'll never stop loving me. How am I supposed to move on from that?"

Louis gulps. "I thought you were already moving on," he says softly, "and I was just being honest."

Harry shakes his head but doesn't say anything else.

"You still didn't answer my question. Why are you here, Harry? Why are you here and not at your _wedding_?"

"Because I _can't_ marry him," he cries, "is that what you want to hear?"

"Why can't you marry him?" Louis asks, throat croaky.

"Louis," Harry says, somewhat helplessly.

"Harry, you're supposed to be getting married but you're here in Donny, you drove almost two fucking hours away, with a letter I wrote telling you how much I love you in your pocket," Louis deadpans.

"I don't love him," Harry squeezes his eyes shut, "I do but—but—"

"But?" Louis prompts, shifting closer. He grabs Harry's hands from the lip of swing and into his own. Harry looks down at their hands then up at Louis, eyes wide, clear and green as ever. "Harry..."

"I'm sorry," Harry says, tears still falling down his face, "I'm sorry for hurting you too."

Louis heart constricts in his chest. "Harry, you do—"

"No, let me finish," he says, causing Louis to snap his mouth shut, "I'm sorry I hurt you, I could have been honest too, I could have told you how I felt, I just made myself miserable and I— we did have a moment here, right on this bloody swing but I shrugged it off because I didn't think you'd care. I'm sorry."

Louis smiles sadly at him. He waits for Harry to finish.

"I'm sorry for being with Aaron when I knew I didn't love him like that, I'm sorry for saying yes to him even though deep down, I could only think about you but I'm not sorry for loving you."

Louis swallows. He feels Harry squeeze his hands until their eyes meet again. Louis feels tears well up in his eyes.

"You said I belong in your heart and you can't get rid of me but I can't get rid of you either," he sniffles, "and I've tried. But I'm tired of fighting it too now."

"Yeah?" Louis asks, not quite believing that this is really happening.

Harry nods. "Why did it take you so long to get your head out of your arse?" He asks, pulling one hand away and whacking Louis' chest lightly.

Louis chuckles a bit. "Sorry. I really am sorry."

"I know," Harry let's out a breath, "reading that letter... I realised how much you still mean to me, how much I love you, how much I'd regret it if I never got to be with you again. Niall and my mum asked me if I'd be okay with how I left things with you had you, um, left us tomorrow, and I realised I would hate myself for giving up on us."

Louis grins. "My mum gave me the same lecture when I left," he laughs, "so I understand what you mean. But... what does that mean for us then? What do you want to do from here?"

Harry chews on his lip. "Do you want me still?"

Louis nods eagerly. "Always will, I told you."

"For now or forever?" Harry asks, the vulnerability clear as day in his voice.

"Forever. Always. Always and forever," he says fiercely.

Harry, for the first time since he's come here in a mess, smiles. He leans forward and connects their lips gingerly before pulling away. Their foreheads rest together while Louis' lips tingle because he's been wanting that since god knows how fucking long. Almost two years later on the same bloody swing.

"I'm scared," Harry says, eyes on their intertwined hands.

"I'm not," Louis grins, "look how the tables have turned; and everyone called me a commitment-phobe."

Harry huffs out a laugh, dropping his head onto Louis' shoulder. "I walked out on a wedding. Jesus Christ."

Louis sighs, bringing one hand to Harry's hair. "Hey, Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"You want this? You want to be with me?"

Harry lifts his head up to look at Louis again. "I left someone at the alter for you," he says flatly, "I love _you_ , I want to be with _you_."

Louis let's out a breath and for the first time in a long time, he feels like he can finally breathe again. "God, it feels amazing to hear that."

"I want to kiss you again but I, um, my mind is all over the place right now," he clears his throat, "and I feel so humiliated, I basically escaped my own wedding."

Louis winces. "Lets get you inside? Unless you want to go somewhere else? Also, that's Niall's car, isn't it?"

Harry nods. "He's the only one who knows what I did," he says, pulling his hands away from Louis' and getting up, "I think we can go inside, I'm sure your mum wants to know what's happening."

"You don't have to tell her," Louis gets up too.

"It's okay, she probably put two and two together already."

Louis gets a call from Niall shortly after Harry changes out of his tux and into something more comfortable. He's sitting next to Louis on the couch, their hands intertwined again, Harry's head on his shoulder. Jay is in the kitchen, making Harry some tea.

"Niall is calling," he announces, showing it to Harry.

"Answer it. Put it on speaker."

Louis obliges. "Louis, please tell me he's with you. He's not answering his phone."

"He's here, Ni," Louis confirms, "he's— yeah, he's here, he's okay."

"Sorry, Niall. My phone is in your car," Harry apologies sheepishly.

"Fuck, okay, as long as you're okay. And are, um, are you two..."

Louis grins at Harry who gives him a similar smile. "Yeah, we're, we're... here together."

Niall laughs, then cheers. "Thank god, because let me tell you Aaron was not very happy."

At the mention of Aaron, Harry's smile falls. "I'm sorry. Did you tell him and his family that? I left a note."

"I know, he read it. But, uh, he wasn't happy and his parents want to sue you," he snorts.

"What?" Louis asks, worried.

"Relax, Harry said in the note that he'd pay them back for their half of the wedding," Niall says, "I'm just happy you two finally got together. Honestly, don't worry about the rest. Though, I do need my car back."

"Right, sorry," Harry blushes, "you can fetch it whenever..."

"Yeah, yeah, just go be happy. I'll call you later, yes?"

"Yeah, bye, Niall," Louis says.

"Bye, Niall. Thank you so much again."

"I know, I do wonders. Oh, uh, I told Zayn and Liam and your mum, of course, hope that's okay."

Louis looks at Harry who nods. "Yes, it's fine," he says.

"Okay, I won't keep you, I suspect you two have a lot to talk about. Stay safe, okay?"

"Bye, Niall," they say simultaneously.

Louis puts his phone one side when Jay comes in with tea for Harry and another cup for Louis. She excuses herself again but promises she's going to talk to Harry when he and Louis are done.

"You wrote him a note?" Louis asks, leaning his head against Harry's that's resting on his shoulder again.

"Yeah, decent thing to do, what with me running out on a wedding and all that."

Louis snorts. He kisses Harry's hair, reminding himself that this is very much a real thing happening right now. Harry is here and with him.

"You're going back to Edinburgh when?" Harry asks.

"Supposed to be on the twentieth," he says, realising he has to leave Harry again.

"How are we going to do this?" Harry asks him, looking up with wide eyes, worried look on his face.

"I'll ask for a transfer back here," he says without missing a beat.

"But didn't you sign a contract?"

"Yeah but my boss loves me, I'm sure she can make an exception for me."

"Lou, I don't want you to make any sacrifices with your career for me," he frowns.

"It's not. All I care about is being with you," he says earnestly.

"I know I just— I'm not working at the school anymore," he reveals, "I quit a month ago."

"Why?" Louis asks, surprised.

"I wasn't enjoying it as much anymore," he shrugs, "I could... I could go with you... if that's not too fast or too much for you, we cou—"

Louis shuts him up by kissing him soundly.

"So you like that idea?" Harry asks, grinning,

"Only if you're up for it, okay?" Louis says seriously.

"I want to. I— I need a break and I want to reconnect with you. Maybe Edinburgh is a place to do that. I can find a teaching job there, I'm sure."

Louis' smiles widens. He didn't even know that was possible.

"I just, I need to know you're in this for real..."

"I'm in it, Harry. I told you I will marry you right now if I have to," Louis says. Harry swallows visibly.

"Okay, okay, fine," he laughs, "I feel fucking crazy. I ran out on a wedding to come here and move to Scotland with you."

Louis chuckles. "Your heart didn't belong to him. And you don't need to explain that to anyone else."

"It didn't," Harry looks up at Louis, eyes soft, "I love you."

Louis feels his heart skip a beat, the blood dancing in his veins. "I love you too," he says, kissing him, because he _can_ do that now.


	6. Epilogue

  
"Can you at _least_ give me a hint?" Harry pouts.

"Babe, you're going to open your present after dinner," Louis chides.

"Fine," Harry huffs, angrily pushing away lettuce on his plate.

Louis can't help but smile. It's amusing when he tries to be angry. But this present is special, Harry has to wait. They've come a long way since he ran out on his wedding. It was difficult at first, because they were still cautious around each other and Harry still felt immensely guilty for running out on Aaron. He'd even tried to contact him and apologise in person, a few weeks after Harry made his official move to Scotland, but Aaron called him names and said that Harry ruined his life so... needless to say, Harry didn't try after that.

The guilt did eat him up for a long time though, and Harry being Harry, let it get to him badly. Besides that, he'd humiliated himself in front of his family too and there were of course sleazebags who spoke poorly about Harry behind his back but Anne always defended him, so did Gemma, so he was okay, according to them. But, they dealt with it all, ultimately. And they had to prove themselves to each other. It wasn't easy, like he said, but damn, was it worth it.

They had bad days, as every couple does, but they worked through their problems, they communicated and spoke to each other. It's much better now. Louis is quite proud of them, if he's honest.

Today, they're celebrating Harry's birthday and he's already really suspicious about his gift from Louis. So, he gobbles his pasta and leaves the lettuce out of his salad, before declaring that he's ready to open his present now. Louis rolls his eyes because he knows Harry can be persistent. He gets the gift bag from underneath the table and carefully passes it to him.

Harry rubs his hands together excitedly before peeping in and pulling out the items. He looks at Louis, confused. "Fruit Loops and champagne?" He asks.

Louis shrugs innocently. "Why don't you open the Fruit Loops?"

"Okay," he says, "why champagne? Are we changing up our wine tradition?" He asks, tearing the packet opened. Louis remains quiet because he knows why there's champagne instead. Harry looks at Louis then into the box again before widening his eyes.

"Fucking hell," he gasps, reaching in and pulling out a small, velvet box, "how the hell did you get the box into a sealed packet of cereal?" He laughs.

"Don't worry about that," Louis says dismissively, "open it."

Harry smiles, opening the box while Louis gets down on one knee, shimming closer to Harry. Harry's eyes start to water immediately. "Oh ,y god," he says.

"Harry Styles, you and I have come a very long way to get here," he starts.

"Oh my god," Harry says again, this time closer to crying.

Louis chuckles. "Im gonna keep it short and simple and ask you to marry me, if you want to, of course."

Harry laughs, practically throwing himself off the chair and into Louis' arms, hugging him tightly. "Yes, yes, of course. I've waited almost a decade for this, of course," he blabbers, bringing the box to Louis.

Louis grins, taking the ring out and grabbing Harry's hand, putting it onto Harry's ring finger. He tries his best not to show how shaky his own hands are.

"Wow," Harry says, looking at the ring, "it's gorgeous."

Louis saw the ring while he was out shopping with Lottie one day and he knew that that was The Ring. It just fitted.

"Better than Aaron, you reckon?" Louis asks.

Harry rolls his eyes. "Stop that," he says, leaning forward to kiss him softly, "you know I love you."

"I do and how lucky am I?" Louis hums, kissing him again.

"This is why you bought champagne then?" He asks, grinning.

"Yes," Louis says, getting off the floor and extending his hand out for Harry to take, "shall we celebrate, my fiancé?"

Harry accepts his hand, getting up too. "We shall," Harry smiles, kissing behind Louis' ear, "for now in the kitchen and later... in the bedroom."

"Hold your horses, darling. We're saving that for the wedding night, aren't we?" He jokes.

Harry laughs, "just open the champagne."

Louis twists the cork opened, pouring into their now empty wine glasses and handing Harry one. 

"To love?" Louis asks.

"To _our_ love," Harry amends, smiling softly, "because it's one of a kind."

And god, Louis loves him. He leans forward to kiss him again, giddy with happiness. "To our love," he says, clinking their glasses together before taking a sip. 

A week later, they make a special trip to London to share the news with the boys and celebrate. They're thrilled, as expected and insist they go to their usual pub hangout and buy a bottle of champagne. Harry and Louis won't say no to free champagne so they agree.

They're all on a buzz, really. Harry keeps a hand on Louis' thigh while they speak and then Zayn says something that catches both of their attention.

"I want to come back here, at least the next five years, to celebrate us having a kid, how about that?"

Harry and Louis smile at each other. "Don't put pressure on yourself though," Harry says, "but I will drink to that, because I would love to see a little one with you guys."

"I think I'll drink to that too," Liam grins at Zayn, kissing his cheek sweetly.

"Okay since we're all drinking to that," Niall says, taking a sip of his drink. Louis laughs, doing the same.

"Hey, Lou," Harry nudges him, speaking so that only Louis can hear, "where do you see yourself in the next five years?"

Louis smiles. "Next to you," he answers, without missing a beat. He watches Harry's smile turn fond and soft all at the same time.

He realises then, that that was probably the right answer all along.


End file.
